Man hard to stop "wanting" my W. I know I do not "need" her as much as I once thought but to stop wanting her or desiring her is going to be difficult.
Desire something else. Desire you. You might not realize how much of yourself you have been giving up to her. If she's still with the other guy, LET HER GO!
It is uncanny how similar our sitch's are Mandy. I mean to the letter almost. I know you are differant person than my W but your thought process and what you said and did in your sitch is almost to the letter what my W did.
After she dropped bomb #1 we had some of the best and most passionate sex, we had great times together communicating and laughing and being spontaneous. Then it slowly faded yet again because we LET it.
Now she has the first Sexual spark in over a year and for the first time since we had been together it wasn't for me. And here we are..... I am sad that you are going through this sitch but I am glad you are here. I feel we have a lot of insight to offer each other on our sitches.
This morning I made W and I our normal shakes and sent her off to work with nothing more than a hug and a "have a great day". Normally I would have held the hug as long as I could, or gazed into her eyes to ask for a kiss, not today and no more backsliding!!
She wants space she's gonna get SPACE while still having a loving, supportive and honest H right in the house.
LOVE will win the day and I WILL be a better person because I want to be.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Have kept myself busy all day long. Surprisingly enough I have begun to take myself off the roller coaster. I thought about how it would be if we were to go our separate ways and for the firs time I did not get panicky. I thought about the fact that I would be able to get a place with my brother, go and play volleyball with him, hang Out with old friends. It wasn't the dreaded end of the world feeling of old.
Wonder what this means for me...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Breakthrough... I officially feel like I have taken Myself off the roller coaster! I have had NO physical contact with the W nor have I felt the need to initiate contact, yet I still feel that deep loving feeling.
Regardless of what happens with us I need to hold on to this. I cannot be a slave to my needs when it comes to relationships. It's just not healthy for me or my R. That being said I am not giving up on my M, I just know that it is goin to be easier for me to detach from here on out.
I am still the man she fell in love with and if she wants some of this ruggedly handsome devil she can decide for herself, I will be here until I feel the need to move on.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Breakthrough... I officially feel like I have taken Myself off the roller coaster! I have had NO physical contact with the W nor have I felt the need to initiate contact, yet I still feel that deep loving feeling.
Regardless of what happens with us I need to hold on to this. I cannot be a slave to my needs when it comes to relationships. It's just not healthy for me or my R. That being said I am not giving up on my M, I just know that it is goin to be easier for me to detach from here on out.
I am still the man she fell in love with and if she wants some of this ruggedly handsome devil she can decide for herself, I will be here until I feel the need to move on.
sounds like a plan.
We hammer the GAL here b/c it works. That always means meeting or involving other people. Not just solo activities, which is "alone time."
make the effort to meet new people or reach out to old friends but saying "it's too hard" is
a weak whiny answer and it's part of what you allowed to happen in your m.
Making a good marriage IS HARD...so is GAL but both are worth it.
Plus, GAL will help you keep your marriage. It's NOT a guarantee, but it sure helps you not obsess or panic so the downsides are lessened
and
it makes you more appealing and interesting and perhaps, a bit more sparkly. So there are upsides that come into your m from you GAL.
Are you wearing any nicer clothes or a new cologne? I appreciate good cologne on a man and it's just a very sexy thing to me. So is a nice watch, fashionable or professional clothes, etc. Make yourself look "marketable" and GAL and let your w see that.
When she goes off for her "time out" and all that
make sure YOU HAVE HUGE GAL PLANS...big ones.
And if the time comes when she's ready, see about attending Retrovaille.
It's a marriage retreat for marriages in crisis, and yours is.
We got a lot out of it and she will too. You don't have to be religious to get something out of it though they do use the terms spritual relationship or spiritual connection with a spouse. (Some folks have a tough time with that and I'm sad for them...no offense if that's you).
I liked it and so did my h. He's not Catholic. But it was clearly not an issue as the retreat is designed for couples in trouble, not to convert.
Look into it. For personal individual growth, which often makes a better spouse, I highly recommend the "Essential Experience"workshop and they have a website. It's usually in Philadelphia. Loved it, found it to be very profound and so did my h. Like 3 years of therapy in one long weekend.
Either of those long weekends might get you where you want to be a lot faster than the mc is. Especially if the mc is saying only 2 more months and then you are done...
Good luck and hang in there and please pull way back
That means not changing your mood hourly or daily based on what you think she said or meant that hour or day.
Don't give anyone that much power over your life
and fwiw, from your description of the wife's broken foot, sounds like she was in pain and maybe traumatized but you wanted to party with your bro and peeps and leave her behind. Sweetie, there are few if any women in their early 20s who would not be hurt by that. Just my take.
Does not mean you lose yourself and you cannot blame her for that.
Be your own man. A strong confident man in charge of HIS emotions
(and not one who loses control of them OR who feels the need to be in charge of other people's)
is what most of us find attractive. You can be that guy.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I agree, I think it was a bad thing and I went PLUS I came back because she was mad at me which didn't help because I ended up just arguing my case instead of manning up and admitting that I should have just stayed in.
I will try and find some great things to do next weekend but if she is going away from the house I have to stay at the house and watch our two dogs. I am fine with that it just means I cannot go anywhere for longer than 8 hours at a time.
I also need to find some friends who are not "mutual" friends because thats pretty much all we have.
I know we are in a better place than most on here and I know I am a great find only gettin better....
Thanks 25 and Mandy!
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
I have done well so far to just be there fl her and help her where she needs it. The. Came home made some Mac and cheese for us and watched half a movie before taking a nap. A nice relaxing day is just what I needed.
Now to work on getting some non mutual friends so i can do more GALing. It's hard because I am in an area where it's either bowling or hokey in the fall. Until winter I think I am stuck with going out to watch football with some mutual friends.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
