A lot of key things happening soon, where I will be able to shine..
1) her works car show. Where I plan on workin hard and being upbeat as humanly possible
2) W's triathlon. I will be the supportive H every woman dreams of.
3) family camping trip. I will be happy upbeat and enjoyable throughout the trip. I will be strong, decisive and patient in any situation that arrives.
4) her birthday. This is going to be the hard part because I usually spoil her. So I will have to think hard here.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Being the better option is definitely what I need to do. Besides taking scenarios out of a movie is silly. IT'S A MOVIE lol.
Patience, patience, patience.....
Your "patience" time periods involve NOT WAITING on her.
But rather, actively seeking and being productive against things that need to be taken care of in your life, entertainment, etc. Completely focused on yourself and in the moment.
Went to dinner for moms bday today. She goes in for chemo for the second time in her life tomorrow. My mom and W had sooooo many laughs they turned purple.
On the way into dinner W mentioned that the weekend after next she wants to take a mini retreat to clear her head. I said okay and that's all. She is a big girl. She can make her own decisions. I am not going to tell her I am a-okay with it because I think that's not the way to figure things out. Then again it might just not be MY way of figuring things out.
Either way we are kind and open with each other and I am happy about that.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
W and I are going to be working together for a few hours this morning, happy to be of service. I keep thinking in my head that in order for W to want to truly come back to me she is almost going to have to experience losing me.
I hope that's not the case but I really think it is.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Can't get the fact that she is going to go on a soul searching weekend soon. I really can't understand WAW syndrome. It makes no as as to me.
One of the things I keep coming back to is that she says our marriage isn't passionate sexually any more. My thing is how many really truly are? How many marriages have both partners being initiators on a regular basis? I am gonna guess very few. I know I have work to do in the communication department. I know I have work in the needs department. I am working in that, just wish W would see that this can be such an amazing relationship if she would just let go of the negative and focus on the posative and working on the issues
Patience patience patience. .
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
So I've just read all your posts 'Guy'. You are so lucky to have a W who is willing to stay AND go to MC. I was so past that point when I left. When I was willing (first & 2nd 'bomb') we thought we'd figured it all out on our own and didn't go.
Focus on the positives of your sitch, stop everything else! You need to focus on today! Learn from the past, find happiness today and patience for tomorrow.
And the intimacy can come back - I am living it. Took me reading 50 Shades to FIND my s_x drive again, but it's back and then some!
Different to be giving advice from my POV, but be the change you want to see in your R. It took me giving my H "closure" to really find him attractive again. When he stopped wanting/needing me, I started wanting him again. Weird but true. And it was before I found out about OW - but she was "there". Like others have said, my sitch is so different than most, but my reaction is pretty typical from what I've read about WAW.
I've been learning so much these past few weeks and am no expert. 7 weeks today since I *hinted* at regret of not trying harder. 3 weeks since I said out loud that I wanted us to work on our R and M.
If your W wants a week away, wish her well. Otherwise you may face a month or 6 or more of her gone.
That's my thoughts for now. Will check back in with you soon
I can tell you right now I will not stand in her way of going on a retreat. The only thing that could happen if I do is push her further in the wrong direction. I will continue to support her in her decisions and be the better man. I will continue to work on myself. One of the things I find hard to do is find some new friends to do things with. I really know that separation is the only way for someone to be missed. Whether its a week a day or a month. I just hope she can find her way back.
One question for you Mandy, did you lose sexual attraction to your H and have occasions where you felt a sense of sexual attraction to someone outside of your M?
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Man hard to stop "wanting" my W. I know I do not "need" her as much as I once thought but to stop wanting her or desiring her is going to be difficult.
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
Kind of - it was after *very* briefly considering a one-night stand that I was convinced I had to leave the first time (June 2011). I had suffered through a LT partner cheating and I didn't want anyone to suffer, I thought by leaving it would be "better".
The thought came to 'be' by wondering if our SSM was because of me or us...Wondering if I would be able to be intimate with someone else? Did I not want s_x at all or just not with my H? And it was just a thought, never acted upon in any way, shape or form - to my knowledge, the OM wasn't even aware of my "contemplation".
I ended up deciding to stay because H made promises to be 'better' and we both recommitted to each other, intimacy & communication. We had an amazing summer, full of time together and LOTS of intimacy. Something happened, more of our vicious cycle, come fall and it all fell to pieces.
