DB Bootcamp - dawnmarie and zig et al

[albamarie]

Hi zig

I wanted to share with you what I posted today on my thread:

I did it! I bought myself a car - alone (w/D18) my in my name only!
Just took a ride through the backwoods of the neighboring suburbs with the sunroof open...I think I might like this GAL thing.
My long road just got a little better....nothing like feeling free to be free.
Tom. I WILL start looking for a pt job...now I really needs some friends.

I'll tell you, it took me so long to pull the trigger and just sing on the dotted line that the sales man was dropping the price, adding accessories, even giving D18 snacks, until he said "what will it take".

I looked at my D18 as she said "yolo" I'm like what the heck is that. She so beautiful she leans in and says, you only live once.

If you notice I rewrote my first goal as I will...

and, on that note I will get come back with more insight. my S23 has a flat at work.

this sight deserve so much thanks!

[zig]

Dear Sweet Dawn,

I just got back from gal'ing, thinking life couldn't be sweeter - and then I come to check in on you and read your post - and you just made it even sweeter:)

Definitely the highlight of my day - and lots of good things happened so that's saying a lot.

I am SOOOO proud of you. and that D18 of yours - she is one helluva girl. I love the way she encourages you. and that little message she gave you - YOLO - thanks so much for sharing that with us - we all need to live by that

Like mother, like daughter?

You must have had some say in how she is, so I'm thinking it's all there hidden inside and we just have to pry it out (gently)

Except that if you're going to reach your goals this fast , we are going to be very busy , having to make new ones to keep up!!

You deserve to thank YOURSELF - first.

You're the one that's doing the work, so don't forget to appreciate yourself alot for what you are managing to do. Maybe that could be on your goals list?

I'm imagining you sleeping with a little smile on your face all night, that turns into a beam when you wake up tomorrow and the first thing you think about is your car

a big hug, and congratulations on taking a big step

zig

[albamarie]

Hi zig

You sound like you were having a great time last night, good for you!

Yea, my D is an awesome young lady, I always say I couldn't have asked for as much as she has given me. We are like mother, like D, we say were Gilmore Girls close, she dedicated the opening theme song to me.

I don't think all goals will come that fast....the "I will get a pt job" is going to be a challenge, not for lack of looking, but jobs stink in Il. right now. I have an active Real Estate Licence I keep in "holding" just because nothing is moving.

Oh, by the way, the book I got was Codependent No More! I have not started it yet, but I can see that it is going to be an important read.

I finally let my H in on the fact that I did indeed by the car, he was genuinely happy to see that I am going after something for myself. He has been different lately like entering a new phase...a nicer one...it helps me Gal in peace...I welcome the calm.

I think I should say that I do work now at home. I run my H freelance business as far as booking gigs, invoices, negotiations, as well as all the bookkeeping.

Going out...meeting new people...getting up in the morning for something that's mine is the real goal. I am going to think of where I would want to work, where would I feel like I can expose myself to people with alike interests.

I would like to say a goal would be the gym...but, I will stick with walking the dog, especially on these nicer nights, there are so many people out to say hi to and really get to know my hood.

This is so sad to say, today is only the 4th time in 14yrs I'v walked over to my friends house ( with the dog), called her out onto the porch to say "hey". Mind you she lives 2 blocks away....she is God mother to my 1st born, and vise versa, we've known each other for 27yrs, and I followed her to this village from the city, where we both bought our first homes.

That really puts into perspective how my life has been way to consumed with H. She suffers from the same stay-home-mom syndrome also, as well as the ''H needs me'' sickness, so we just feed off of each other.

So one day at a time...one small step each day...and I think I can be better equipped for whatever may come my way!

[albamarie]

zig...today my S21 is challenging me. Really giving me some crap about getting it together, do for me , the kids and really put this family on the ''family track again".

He wants me to implement family dinners again without worrying about H showing up to the table (or sitting in our room feeling sorry for himself)

I (with my new voice i'm trying out) said, honey your 21yrs old, what your saying is wonderful...guys at your age wouldn't really care. But, that said, your help...going shopping, pitching in for groceries, giving dinner idea's would really make it a ''family affair".

He agreed, yea, I spoke up! Tonight were having family dinner ala Jonathan. I get to be a dinner quest, (hope D loads the dishwasher, ha).

I like this...really letting people in on what I want...expect and getting it. "Pollyanna" may be getting a new name!

Well back to my resume tweaking...I have a goal to accomplish and many more to create.

Have a wonderful day!

[albamarie]

(quote)
1. rewrite the goal so that it is in an "I will..." form
2. what actions can you take towards meeting your goal?
3. how will you feel while you are taking those actions. write that in a "I will be doing...." or I will feel..."

do you think that you can get a part-time job pretty easily, with difficulty - give me your reasons for what you feel your chances are.

meanwhile, i would like you to also think about 2 other very very small goals that are easily doable in the next week or so

my suggestion would be something like "I will go for a 30 min walk every morning/evening on my own"

Actually, I would LOVE to see you just casually put on your sneakers and wave bye to everyone cheerfully as you walk out the door -see you later, i'm off. (unquote)


Going for a walk fo 30 min has been my one constant. the dog and I have a standing date each night, or early morning. I like walking alot....even 30 min does wonders on a bad attitude.

So I will.... continue to walk everyday alternating sometimes with a bike ride.
I will look for a part-time job that will suit me and what I need to get out of it at this point.
I would like to fill my free time with learning more carpentry on my home, making it more colorful, and putting together another pantry from Ikea.

I love the idea of just dressing up everyday. I have started to do that...along with my new love for pedicures. My H old t's have all gone in the donation bag...along with all the overgrown hoodies (except that one comfy one I just can't part with). Fall is a great time for new jeans ( that fit ) a new cool jacket, and those awesome boots they have out there.

I am a lot better at doing me with a lot of work ahead. Today H said he feels tethered, but I was out babying my car all day so "I know" he wasn't talking about me!

[zig]

Hi Dawn

sorry i haven't replied for a couple of days - been going through some 'stuff"!!

You are sounding better and better each time you post - and that is lovely to read

and your goals are getting more specific too, which is great.

have you had any time to read the posts on the Goals thread over on newcomers. there are some guidelines for how to write the goals really specifically in the three parts , and I think that you are now ready to take the first set of goals you have formulated and put them in that format.

for the part time job - in the actions part - i'd like to see you write down specifically what actions you will take to get the job - for e.g.. i will fill out x or y apple form by so and so date, or i will spend x hrs looking at job listings etc.

so let's get you doing that for each.

I've just started to listen to MWD's KLA tapes, and she realy stresses making the goals so specific that they are down to the nitty gritty exact exact format you can get them to.

so my job here is to really nudge (or shove, whichever way one wants to look at it ) every person setting their goals to get really really specific.

btw - if h feels tethered it's his own noose he's feeling. and i love what you wrote in response. that's the attitude girl. drop the rope on him and go do your own thing

I also love how you handled the whole dinner thing with your s. how did the dinner go? great, I hope.

i have a feeling that was a 180 for you - great great great!!!

you either finished reading dance of anger, or this is starting to come naturally for you - stopping fixing for others and taking care of yourself

glad you threw the old rags out. you are so steppin' out now, you won't recognize yourself soon

(((( ))))
zig

[albamarie]

Hi zig-

honestly I haven't done any job searching today because my D fainted, hit her head on the floor, scaring me half to death. So I spent the day making french toast, and staring at her.

Your right I do sound better as I reread what I've written lately, but I am so scared it will be short lived. Right now the weather is right, H is home due to slow work...but his depression is coming on stronger everyday.

I want to implement your goal idea's....nudge or shove...I can take it. I don't want to be around H all day...plus I think my working will do him some good as well.

I spent the weekend doing nothing...which was very disappointing and I can see how easily I can get sucked into "his" world. I need more goals geared toward fun, active, people friendly, places to be...things to do.

why is this so hard for me? I can't come up with things I like to do? I think I fear commitment because for so long I didn't want to make plans "just in case my H was off so we can be together".

Free time feels kinda like torcher sometimes ( wow, that sounds so dumb) so I will take the next few days, work on me...now that D is better...and I really need to read Codependent No More.

Hey, that's a start, I will...start my new book, and call the local Real Estate office about an opening I read on line. I would love that job....it's close, in my field but not in sales, it's assisting others, even better....steady pay check!

I do hope things are better with you. Everyday is a challenge but at least it lets us know where still in the game

[zig]

Dear Sweet Dawn - yes it is a challenge at every moment - and sometimes we are up and we can do those things, and sometimes we slide a bit and it just seems we can't.

and that's okay.

the point is to keep persevering.

when i look back over the last weeks i can see the same pattern within myself - that some days it was almost easy to do those things and other days i was paralyzed. what i started doing was encouraging myself, by looking back at the first few months and remembering being totally paralysed with NO moments where i could pursue my goals. and i told myself - see how far you've come along - now you have some , and often many where as before you had none of those sorts of days.

that feeling of waiting for the other person - we have all done it and it's okay - in the first months i didn't want to commit to anything - just in case h came home. then i slowly started to see that it was a very unhealthy way for me to be.

and it was scary those first times when i committed to something else - what if i was gone and he came back.

well - now i see that it was a fruitless way to exist. i had to build enough confidence to get out of that and realize that if i'm gone and he comes "back" he'll find me.

go live your life sweet girl - and at the same time, when you have those paralysing days - just say to yourself - yes this is one of those but it's not every day like this. and slowly over time - there will be less of those and more of the other better kind

so talk yourself to a better more eager place just like you did at the end of your post and go read that book and go find out about the job,and come tell me about it

((((( )))))

you are doing great - even if you don't feel it all the time

zig

[albamarie]

Hi zig, your name reminds me of Ziggy...and my gorgeous 17ry old high school football player boyfriend, who lavished me with Ziggy cards, gifts, and bear hugs. I actually still have one in a scrap book!

Yesterday, I called received a call from the Realty office I sent my resume to, and had a verbal interview by the end of the day.

The pay is not impressive, the hours are 20hrs min per wk, and I can't wait to hear from them about an interview.

It is assisting in my field...the best pay will come from relearning all of the new real estate changes.

The best experience will be GAL. I will at least make enough to pay my "own" car, with some left over each month to save for that new porch "I" want to build.

I will continue to peruse the job sites today....choice would be even better!

I am getting better about calling on some friends lately...I just need more friends. Still looking for that class or club to join around town.

Wish me luck....enjoy the day!

[albamarie]

today...the day I'm expecting to hear about a job interview....of cause I have a cold. I still hope they call, I will Advil my way over there if I have to.