TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I did goal setting a while ago, but haven't detailed any progress on them in a while. With that being said...time for a redial or new ones!
I'm really not that good at goal setting, so I'm going to put down what I think should be my goals, and ask for some help in defining them more clearly.
1. I will exercise at least 3 times a week. 2. I will practice thought-stopping and focus only on the present, and not get caught up in the details of my sitch (stolen from Zig...she said it perfectly) 3. I will try to do one fun thing with H each week. 4. I will call/text SS once a week. (Actually been doing really good at this one)
zig.. this goal stuff really helps. i was in a funk late this afternoon and remembered that i needed to go swimming to have a shot at meeting my goals this week. so i got myself up and out, swam half a mile and ended up feeling much better. i felt empowered. thank you, zig.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
sorry busting - i actually didn't see your post until your reminder. i think they sometimes come up when i am writing a post and when i submit i don't notice that a new one was there before i posted.
i'm having problems in that i cannot seem to get the posts to me to come into my email as they used to - tried several times and cannot figure out what is wrong.
so let's go through your goals
that's quite a hefty list you have made for yourself, busting - which is great if you feel that you are ready to tackle all of them all at the same time
but here's what i would like to see for you:
I'd like you to split your goals up into 2 separate lists:
List 1: Goals for Busting List 2: Goals for Busting in her relationships with others.
In the first list, you could be very specific with very short term goals - for this week and next week. In the second list you I'll allow you to be more general and we'll see those as long-term goals that you are working towards step by step, but even with those, i would like to see you break them down for every 2 weeks
I want the very short term goals for you for YOURSELF - so that you stay very encouraged through the whole process and the tangible results will be very easy to see. and those goals need to be small and achievable.
then, if you could go back through this thread and reread how i've asked the others to state each goal in an "I will.." form, then state the actions you will take to achieve them and then most important how it will make you feel when you are taking those actions, and do that for each of your goals.
it's actually a lot of fun and makes you feel really good when you sit there and imagine how you will feel when you do something good for yourself or for others
when you break it down like this and get really specific about what you will do and how you will feel - it really encourages you to stay focused with staying on track
you are doing really well with working towards how you want to be with others in your life, but i don't often read in your threads about what you are doing ONLY for yourself. you may be doing those things, but you are not recognizing how they are affecting you in a positive way, and i want that to become more prominent in your thoughts - "i am doing this only for me, to make me feel good and strong and confident " sort of thought
we are all cut of the same cloth - we think of giving to others before we give to ourselves. Your goals lists as it stands now, is more about giving to others first and i'd like to see it the other way around first.
today, i took a moment to sit with melody beattie's daily meditations book - it had sort of got tossed to the side this alst few weeks. i decided to open it at a random page and just read what i got.
the chapter was on nurturance - and very eye-opening. the basic message was:
we cannot get nurturing from others until we learn to nurture ourselves.
and it was a huge eye-opener for me. how much do i really truly nurture myself, nurture the good inside me, nurture my own strengths and self-confidence etc etc. it's really something to think about for us as we live through our sitches.
so as you revise your goals list - i want you to think - nurture busting - she really really is worth it
good luck - i think when you sit down again with this - there may be some happy surprises waiting for you that you did not expect
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
i think the problem that most of us have with goal setting is that we are so focused on the "final" goal (saving our marriages!!!! ) that it's very hard for us to break it down into anything less than that.
MWD's message is really clear on this - how can we get the big goal we are all working toward, if we cannot achieve all the little ones along the way? maybe if we think of ourselves as in training towards winning an olympic gold as our ultimate goal - we could see how that would be impossible to achieve if we didn't train and build our skills and stamina and everything else that we need, to be really prepared.
so if we could look at it like that - then making short-term goals could become very easy - we see the ultimate thing we want and then we step back a bit to see where we are really at, see what's lacking and put that on our list as what we would like to improve at. and we get very specific about exactly what that is, so we are very focused
so if a swimmers' arm muscles were weaker than they should be for swimming the backstroke, the coach would probably up their training in the upper body area.and would get very specific on exactly what exercises the swimmer had to do
we have to look for what we want to train better within ourselves, find the actions that would help us improve that area and then set a timeline within which we would like to see it happen.
but if the goals are too general or too big, it's difficult to keep tabs on where we really are with them and then it's not easy to see the progress.
so you have a good list to start with - but i'd like to see you get even more specific with each goal. for e.g.. what excercise, how long, etc, what fun thing, how will it make you feel, how will you go about achieving that
are there other personal goals for yourself that you could think of to add to your list? only your first goal is specifically for yourself. is there anything else you would like to achieve?
you do have your goals in the i will form , so will you consider adding the actions and the how i will feel part?
also how will you monitor your progress?
i hope this helps and I can't wait to see your revised list
hope you are doing great roro:) zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Just to update halfway in my personal goal setting
doing great in the exercise in fact I tried on some dresses for the wedding next weekend and one I'd bought as a "goal" dress 2 years ago is the one I'm wearing all these crunches are paying off because it's a tight mini dress! And I feel great in it!
Eating healthy has been going well. Only fell down a few times but gotten more focused in packing healthy lunches and fruit for work. had an alcohol fail but we all knew I needed that!
I've submitted work for my possible promotion.
And i've slam dunked things with H. We've had great interaction these past few days. And I've been staying in a place of gratitude and love.
Going to continue to focus on my fitness. And hope to lose 2 pounds by end of the week!
you are doing so wonderfully! I am so happy to hear your great energy. and the way you are just going for your goals - incredible!!
and the tight mini dress - sounds great!! what color?
Keep at it - it's keeping you focused on making yourself feel good, and that's the whole point.
I've just started listening to the KLA CD's. Got to the goals part while i was driving but got interrupted when i had to pick up s. Can't wait to get back to it though - will have to wait and see when I have time when s is not around. But will post some of the great stuff Michelle is talking about when I have a chance
off to fulfill one of my goals - spending quality time with s. we're going to play a game before bedtime - haven't done that in a while. so I am looking forward to it.:)
It's funny - the last couple of days, I keep looking around me and saying do something different. The routine of my life feels rather tedious and boring all of a sudden, and so the urge to make lots of little personal changes in how I go about my day, is suddenly becoming more pressing. That's good!!
Hope you're having a kick a$$ weekend
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
