It's what happens to the human brain, chemically, when one is in the infatuation stage of a new relationship. The brain makes no distinction between legitimate or illicit relationships; it knows only the basic, chemical and physiological attraction.
Quote:
PEA (beta-phenylethylamine) PEA (beta-phenylethylamine) beta-phenylethylamine (PEA), a naturally occurring neurohormone/neurotransmitter (chemical signal messenger between nerves) that’s normally synthesized in the brain from the amino acid phenylalanine. PEA has the unique ability to increase the activity of the major neurotransmitters and improve your life functions.
PEA increases the effects of dopamine (for wellbeing and feeling pleasure), norepinephrine (the brain’s stimulant for wakefulness and higher performance), acetylcholine (for improving memory and mental activity), and serotonin (for better mood emotion and impulse control). PEA is a highly-concentrated neurotransmitter in the limbic system (the brain’s emotional center) that increases motivation, physical drive, feelings and social activity.
Basically, when one is in an affair -- especially its earlier stages of the first few months -- they are greatly influenced by these hormones. In fact, studies have shown that the PEA-washed brain even appears differently on CAT scans!
How else to explain the behavior of people who have thrown away their careers, their families, even their fortunes for the attraction of an affair? Or how about otherwise-sane, bright female astronaut who drove across country WEARING AN ADULT DIAPER, so she would save time and not have to stop for bathroom breaks, to avenge her lover? It doesn't excuse the behavior, but it does help to EXPLAIN it, if you study it. Affairs are HIGHLY addictive, and people caught up in them will often do almost anything to get their next "fix."
It also helps explain why the betrayed spouse's attempts at meeting the cheating spouse's emotional needs are largely unsuccessful -- even BLOCKED -- at this stage. They're simply not going to be receptive to you.
You can Google "PEA love lust brain addiction" and follow the links to do more research on it. I've come to the conclusion that you pretty much either believe that affairs are highly addictive, or you don't. And where you come down on that will greatly influence what strategies and tactics you employ, and how well can understand (and even predict) the behavior of your cheating spouse.
I think DB-ing is overall the right approach. My H says I've been "fantastic" througout his affair.
But, he remembers so little of what he's said and done to me, that I can't believe any of the things I've said or done have made much difference to him. My perspective is that it's just another reminder that you need to focus on yourself and GAL-ing.
M 44, H 46 D11, D9, D5 Married 12 years PA confirmed 9/2011 I filed 3/2012 H moved out 7/2012
