Hello all, I don't have much time today but my former screenname was spirit. I read occassionally but things have been a whirlwind for the last year with very little time to post.
I will try to update soon but found the AmyC MLC musings so similiar it was eerie.
I saw Cadet pull some of my old posts which was interesting.
Wishing everyone contentment and peacefulness in life.
I changed screenames a while ago but never posted. I lost, threw away, or didnt have the energy to keep track of everything through selling our farm, moving, and being the rock for my kids through this ordeal.
where I am today:
I am a great father. I am at a greater peace. Our kids are at a greater peace, except for the middle one. I have many friends. I have a whole GAL life thats real. People tend to gravitate toward me now. I have had people say its that I give off a positive vibe. I do believe this myself.
So, all in all life is good.
The MLC thing from Amy intrigued me. one is because my STBXW and I have very little contact. Amy said she deliberately did npot engage her husband and did everything to stay away. This is my STBXW to a tee. I have let her go and will be divorced in about 90 days. This is her journey to travel.
I will post more later as I want to talk about MLC a little more.
Hello all, I don't have much time today but my former screenname was spirit. I read occassionally but things have been a whirlwind for the last year with very little time to post.
I will try to update soon but found the AmyC MLC musings so similiar it was eerie.
I saw Cadet pull some of my old posts which was interesting.
Wishing everyone contentment and peacefulness in life.
Spirit
Mirage/Spirit thanks for checking in. If you want to elaborate any more on any MLC topic feel free to hijack here.
I am sure as time goes along it is harder and harder to remember your own crisis.
Then again it is hard for me to remember what I ate for dinner last night.
The MLC thing from Amy intrigued me. one is because my STBXW and I have very little contact. Amy said she deliberately did npot engage her husband and did everything to stay away. This is my STBXW to a tee.
Sounds like a vanisher. That would be my W if it weren't for the kids.
If vanisher is the same as running away then your right. My STBXW has very little contact with the two older boys and minimal contact with the youngest daughter if you count quality time.
I read threads where people ask why is my significant other doing this?, I cant believe it! Why? Who would do such a thing.
Well, I believe MLC is real. Of course people can dispute that I had one. The only real criteria is I know I did and I came through it. I think AmyC would probably say the same thing.
If you are asking the questions above. Reread AmyC again and again and again. In MLC you are so wacked out. She did not listen to her sister. Nobody could tell her any different. I was the same way. The ironic part is my STBXW is the same as AmyC has described.
I know bravehart was smacked on the fingers by J3B for taking away hope. I respect J3B immensely. He has been a blessing to this board. A full blown MLC is difficult to come back from. I think the reason you don't hear from more people coming through it is they don't. What I mean by that is what AmyC indicated in here posts. She knew, she learned the lessons and she made amends. She is what I would call a complete healthy, balanced individual who has walked through psychological h!ll, learned the lesson and been able to come back and articulate it clearly. Truly a monumental task in my book.
I would not want a relationship with someone stuck in the tunnel. If they don't make it through the chances of a mature, adult relationship are minimal.
Just to set the record straight and give J3B some credit as well. I have hope that someday my STBXW comes through the fog. One reason is our kids. Another is that we had a good marriage. Just as AMY C said we hold the truth of how it really was within ourselves the LBS.
Will it happen? Im laughing out loud right now. I have no idea! What I learned through all of this.
You have today, make the most of it. Be thankful for what you have. Be thankful you are a LBS, not an MLCer. Mine was H@ll and AmyC was too based on what she wrote.
What brings you out of MLC? I think everyones answer is different. Mine was I emptied my bag of stuffed emotions and was able to truly forgive others and myself for being human.
This website was a blessing for me in some very difficult times. It has helped me become a stronger person.
Thanks for posting that spirit/mirage. Very kind of you.
Question - did you make amends for your behavior when done? Just curious.
The insights from you and the others mentioned are invaluable in helping others understand and forgive. It speeds things up immeasurably. At least it did for me. I'm very grateful for that.
Peace,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Yes, I made amends after my MLC journey completed. not to sound cocky or conceited but we had a very good marriage. I would say our personalities clicked for many, many years.
Her sisters commented to me regularly that she always spoke how she liked the way I treated her.
I did become a better husband after MLC as well. I can't say what affect my MLC had on her while I was in it. I went through an internal, withdrawaling, depressive MLC.
Hers started about 1 1/2 after mine ended. She is roughly 3 years into hers. unfortunately she has a ways to go I think.(and it doesn't pay to think when someones in MLC)
I havent seen her more than a dozen times in the last couple years since she moved out.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
