too bad there was just s and mil - no sexy guys in equivalent sexy suits...
maybe it's time to head to the public pool, ya know - except they are too too young there!!!
oh yes. i am getting cool and detached!! soon i'll be as cool as you!
Salute!! memo received.
oh btw
"It is my opinion that both Zig and Brit were "deemed" candidates for this type of "do something different" approach. I suspect because of their detachment."
thans for this - it gave me a boost of encouragement - sorely needed...
and this
And I think the conversation may have lead into a direction that really got away from what Zig was doing based on a conversation with a coach and then her simple post of suggesting that she should pat her H on the rump as we left the door to be with OW.
okay - i think we've come full circle - was waiting to see if anyone was going to even see that.
i think the above triggered off a great discussion that many have benefited from, at least that is what it seems like.
seems like i should make more provocative statements like that to see what comes up - sure stirs things up and brings everyone out.
hmm... what could my mischievous little mind come up with next?
also one thing i would like to point out here - what i did that night which led to me and h spending it together - happened just after a similar thing i did. it's back in my thread but i'll write it again here. he was going on and on about how 'you need all the help and support i can give you through the d and i promise i'll do that for you" crap, and i interrupted him, rather fed up and said "h - come over here, give us a kiss and off with you" the same kind of flippant attitude that i expressed when i said "pat on the rump"
i was NOT expecting even the kiss - which i sort of stopped, patted him on the cheek and said ok off you go...
neither was i expecting the look of utter shock on his face when i said "you better be okay with this and not have any expectations" .
nor the determination with which he proceeded - it was not an immediate thing - it was over an hour later - he never backed out at any point even though i asked him three times if he was really okay to proceed.
when i told my coach about it (she had said to me that i should allow him to make mistakes with me) her response was - if that's not a big huge mistake, i don't know what is.
her point being that the more little and big mistakes he makes, the more uncomfortable he possibly becomes in his r with ow and the possibility that he starts really questioning what he is doing.
and the result? h has adamantly said to me that he will not consider the possibility of the possibility of talking about r ever since the BD.
the day after , he said to me - i saw the possibility of us being together again.
albeit it freaked him out bad - but he saw it and funnily enough - i didn't.
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
I personally have not had a coaching session. I do not know what the "norm" is. Although I suspect that's determined by what comes out during the initial consult.
For sure I considered it. I couldn't really afford it as is the reason for many (actually, it was literal for me for the most part) and then when I could, I felt I had come along well enough to not warrant it.
I absolutely believe it is valuable for those who can and do get them.
as a warning to anyone reading this and thinking they want to try it - you absolutely cannot do this until you are detached enough. it will mindf^^k you otherwise!!
zig
Absolutely agree with this ^^^. It's indeed a rare bird that I've seen who can pull this off.
wouldn't it be great if MWD or one of the DB coaches would pop in on this thread and give some thoughts on the discussion?? does that ever happen?
During this type of discussion or when something gets flagged, without a doubt it gets back to the mother ship. Often, at best there may be a reference posted by one of the mods which may suggest that the only DB experts are MWD and the coaches.
Not sure if this discussion will rate for one of those posts...
Correct. The rest of us are just ignorant rubes -- morons, really. You really shouldn't take anything we say with anything other than a huge mine o' salt.
he didn't have an affair BTW, I left him, we both dated other people, then I had change of heart and wanted to work on the marriage. But he is now living with someone else.
I'm confused, Brit, as your first post on this forum and even your signature indicate differently. I'll have to go back and read your early posts I guess.
