The ups and downs are hard to deal with. My W and I have had a pretty good week. We have seen each other almost every day. Part of it is due to our kids. So Thursday was my oldest daughter’s birthday. We celebrated her birthday with my W and her boys a few days before. I took my girls on a short road trip. I extended an offer to my W and she declined as she was too busy studying for her psychology license exam. Now worries. So I took the girls tubing down river. Great day but the whole day I kept thinking how much nicer it would have been if W and her boys would have been with us. We got home and my girls ran down to say hello. I stayed behind. Girls came home and an hour later she text and says she is coming down. She came down and we chatted and had a nice time and then she said something about being hungry and sushi sounded good. My girls were due at their mother’s house for a birthday party over there. So W and I went and had dinner and just chatted. She talked about her girlfriend and how things were not the same and how she probably ruined that relationship. I apologized because I know she basically turned her back on her friend because she thought that would make it easier on me. W also made a comment about how nice I was looking and she was really noticing a difference since I have been working out. Then she said it was too bad I did not do that while we were still married. Ouch!!! I said we are still married. Then yesterday she had told my girls they should plan on coming down around 11 to go swimming with her. Then W friend called and she was gone. My W has been very kind and we have kept things pretty upbeat for the last few weeks. When these things happen it always feels like such a setback. When this woman called there are no worries about studying for an exam. If only I could get her to feel the way about me that she does about this woman. I have tried to befriend this woman in the past to no avail. She simply did not like me and made it more than clear to me and my W. Then of course I start thinking about just moving on because in the end even if she does come back how am I supposed to feel secure in a marriage with someone who is willing to just walk away. So in short I guess she was feeling bad and needed me to cheer her up and make her feel better. I probably said a few things I should not have. I tried to kept emotional stuff to a minimum. After this exchange I was really encouraged. I really think without this friend and group of friends that W loves so much our M would have a real shot. What would be really great is if somehow there were some sort of balance not just all or nothing. Right now it appears that my W emotional needs are met with them and she does not have to work at it. It is really strange to me that she acts toward this other woman the way I act toward her. Jumping at the chance to spend time with her and sad if it does not happen. W actually told me one of the reasons she thought they got along so well is that her friend thinks that she is better than my W. I just don’t get why such an amazing woman (my W) would be so drawn to another woman like this. My W’s Father also sent me an email and he was very kind and said something like his daughter in one that truly needs the approval of her peers. I have a hard time seeing her this way and understanding. I look back and it has been about 6 months since she has told me she wants a divorce. It has been about two months since we both moved but it feels like so much longer! It just feels like there is no way out of this mess and it hurts so much. I know I need to keep smiling and telling myself I am ok without her.
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
Tough day today. My girls left this morning for a week and it has been a quiet day leaving me to contimplate life and what should or could be.
I truly miss my W! We spent several hours together yesterday witht he kids. Had dinner and over all a good day. My W can be so playful showing off her tan lines and making inuendows. Basically giveing me hope one min and then a while later makes a comment making me feel like bad.
She has this group of friends that she hangs out with and yes there are several single guys that are part of that group. She made a comment about one the other day about how she did not have to worry about someone coming onto her because that is not how that group is. Then she points out how she shared a room at the cabin with this guy and there was not issue. Then yesterday she tells me how the night before she and this guy were sitting next to each other and comparing tans and then she meet him and his boys out so she coult do family photos for him. She was showing me some of the photos on her phone and she flipped one too far and it was of her in her new bikin pulling it down a little to show off her tan lines. She jerked the phone back and said she did not want me to see it. I asked who she sent that to and she got mad.
The thing is I am sure she is not involved with anyone but I know she likes the attention and when she got mad like that I know if is because she was being dishonest about the photo. She shows off her tan lines to me all the time so why would a photo of her doing it cause her to get mad?
Anyway, I get so confused about what she is up to. Guess it is none of my buisness but is hurts to see her act like this. I am pretty sure that if I found out that she was dating someone else that would be it for me. All big talk but I don't know how much more of this I can handle. I am trying to GAL and keep positive and I am sure everone here knows what I am feeling, this stinks!
I feel so empty
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
I would like to say that I understand my W wanting to be with her friends as she is a very social person and needs that. I also trust her to be faithful. I knew that when we meet so it really should not be an issue for me. It would be so nice if there was a way that we could figure out how she could have both our family back together and her still keep her friends. I now know that I can't let her give that part of her life up for me. Not sure she believes I am willing to do this. If only....
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
Thanks for the response labug! I guess she is very proud of her tan! She said that the photo on her phone was only for her so she could see how it looked. I believe her as she never wanted that type of photo of her taken so I can't imagine her sending it to anyone. I think also she has low self-esteem so she is looking for praise where she can find it. Just guessing as she is the psychologist not me.
Maybe I am making more of everything that it really is. I don't know if she is trying to make me jealous or just oblivious to how if hurts me. My kids are gone this week so really no need to talk to her this week. So I am going to try and let her initiate any contact.
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
I agree with your comment. I have started to GAL. I have started ridding my bike at least 10 miles a day and when I have time farther (Sunday 32 miles), I joined a gym and have been going there in the evenings, I have been seeing a IC, reading self help books, and a few other things.
I think what I really need is a group of friends to spend time with. I have been invited out a few times but I dont want to go there. So not sure, maybe look at meetup.com.
Suggestions?
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
