Oh I totally forgot I texted H earlier today to tell him about my visit to the doctor and he was very nice. Also said he'd seen something on FB about my milestone in losing weight (50 pounds now!) and congrats I should be pleased. He also made a joke and mentioned my specific brand of makeup which I didn't think he'd remembered. I also made sure to validate and said that I was looking forward to the tv that I'd be able to watch in bed which would be great after a long day. He didn't reply to my last text but I realised that I hadn't asked him any questions. And I had so many other friends texting me today I didn't notice.
He said that his "illness" was weird he thought it was a virus he felt like he had a hangover but had had nothing to drink. Very very peculiar indeed!!!!!
I feel as though he's given up parts of himself again too quickly in a new relationship. Which is why some of Cheryl's advice didn't set well with me. If I seduce him, then I'm just pursuing him, taking away his choice. And I think in terms of core values I don't want our story to be that I seduced him away from someone else. I want him to make a choice, stand on his own two feet, etc.
I don't think 'seducing' is the right word for what you would want to do. You being inviting, a bit flirty, warm, funny, awesome - a cool person to be around, you know those people who always make others feel good just by being around them? He always has a choice. He can choose to stay where he is, or decide to go back with you. But it is his choice. Unless you decide on going over packing up his stuff and bringing it back over with you.
Me& h + S M: 13 t: 14
H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my! I'm done. 12/12
"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
Thanks I'll look into that. And no LIO her word was seduce. She said why isn't he in your bed? I want you to have an affair with him. And I was a bit uncomfortable with that.
don't really have much to say. He came, he talked, he left.
He walked in and said it smelled amazing (I know. ha) I showed him what was in the oven and said you're welcome to stay and he said...I can't but thank you.
We talked about the day trip S and I went on last week that he'd wanted to go to. He even said oh, I wish I had gone when I was telling him the stories. He laughed quite a bit. I told him about some possibilities at work for advancement and he said that was really good. He interrupted me and complimented me on my blazer and my shoes. (????)
He told me a bit about their weekend. He asked me about mine. We talked about S's birthday. I told him we were planning to see a movie and he was welcome to come. But that I knew it was the same night as this event she would want him to go to. I said you might have to go to that and kind of smirked. He said oh, yeah I might and rolled his eyes. I said well you know if you need an out...and grinned. (because honestly I don't care about respecting that whole thing...whatever.)
The whole event they went to last weekend was poorly planned and not at whole how I would have done it. Which kind of made me smirk. I hope he had fun but I also kind of felt like it was the same old thing with him 80%. It's hard to explain but he was always missing out on things because of half-assness. If that makes sense.
He also told me he couldn't pay me his portion of a bill until Friday because he was overdrawn. Didn't you justify moving in with her because it was cheaper and now you're still overdrawn.
He also told me a story about buying a new toy and his coworker saying you know you're going to fix it, play with it, and then not want it anymore. And he said yep that's exactly what I did I haven't touched it once although I did go on ebay and buy these accessories. I sorta laughed and said typical and he said "different day, same H" I had no idea what to say to all that.
A friend of mine invited me to her wedding today. I was really touched because I know money is tight and they both have big families so I never assumed I would get an invite. But we were talking about wedding plans and I thought two things:
1) a few months ago the idea of going to a wedding would have given me a panic attack and now I am honestly 100% so so happy for her and excited to be going.
2) we were talking about wedding cakes and I mentioned my wedding and I remembered how my wedding was never the wedding I wanted. I made compromises from the venue, to the ring, to the proposal. I just kept saying those things weren't important because our R was what was important. But it was that 80%, him doing "just enough" and me convincing myself that it was good enough. I just felt like he was being lazy. And it's something that's come up in our R and our S and everything over and over again.
I have a friend who's been divorced for 10 years. He left when her kids were 3 and 21 months. She told me that her sons can't even imagine her and XH being a couple because they are SO different. H sat across from me in the living room today and it's a bit how I felt. I belong standing next to someone like I met this past weekend...and he's this irresponsible overgrown kid.
Sorry if I don't sound loving. We did have a lot of laughs tonight. I'm not bashing...I'm just able to be more and more objective.
I was just checking in to see how you are doing. You sound like you are doing well, and I am happy to hear that. You seem to have come such a long way in a short period of time. It is really inspirational to read.
Take care of YOU!
Busting
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
isn't it wonderful how something like how you feel about an invitation to a wedding can help you recognize your growth?! how quickly we heal.. and when we focus on it, we grow in so many ways that the WAS feels like they no longer fit..and we wonder if they could ever catch up.
it is strange... they took their freedom, yet at times i think we are the ones who end up truly freed.
thank you for sharing your journey. i aspire to have your confidence and am learning... WWBD??
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
