hi Drew....seems like very wise advice from someone we both know...
;-)
thank you...i hope you are doing well.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
hi Drew....seems like very wise advice from someone we both know...
;-)
thank you...i hope you are doing well.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
just stopping in to say hi and say how grateful i am to you.
I realised lately that i am not as scared anymore of the outcome of my sitch. at least for now i am not. i think i can almost confidently state that whatever happens, i feel my changes are taking root. I have no desire to go back to what i had become. that is what motivates me now. Its scary because I know i could end up alone. But i try not to think about that.
I hope you are well j3b. and are having a good week.
busting
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
It is true though. When I realized I didn't need my wife, when I could be without her, its was a scary moment...because it was almost like I could kill the marriage now.
It wasn't up to her anymore...now it was up to me.
It was a powerful realization.
It was liberating...
and
it was very very very scary.
I had to make sure that I was doing everything for the right reasons.
Oh and Busting?
Alone?
I doubt that.
It might not be your husband, it [i]might[i] be...but some guy is going to be lucky if you decide he is worth sharing your life with.
That is the power of the new you. Share your life, not be co-dependant with someone.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Lol j3b, I like the 'zen and crap' comment...made me laugh :-)
But seriously it's starting to become more clear..this realisation. And in can feel how it can be empowering...liberating and of course very very scary.
I think I just need to sit on it for awhile. And aborb it.
Doing things for the right reasons....I need to think about that to. Like what do you mean?
I love the thought of finally sharing instead of being co dependent upon. Thank you for helping me see my self worth :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Doing things for the right reasons....I need to think about that to. Like what do you mean?
I'll tell you what I'm implying, but not until after the weekend. Let's hear what this means to you. Not me. It's your life, not mine. You're the main character, I'm just a supporting one.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
My supporting character? You are my main cheerleader! (without the pom poms :-) )
Ok I will think about what it means to me some more and post later. I am thinking that it means to me a few things. Like not reaching out to someone just because I am scared of being scared? And not letting this feeling of ot needing H get in the way of cultivating his R with the kids?
And to not stop dealing with him in compassion and love? and that howi proceed forward will be because it's how I want to be, not because it may be what H wants to see?
Am thinking...I will have a refelctive weekend.. :-) ( but am going to a party tonight so may not be very refelctive for a few hours tonight )
Ok j3b, have a good weekend. Will check in on Monday.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
A thought...H is not thinking about me.... I get that.
So when I think about that I think how much I should keep living my life. And I realise my boundaries are the ones I create for myself and my beliefs.
This weekend I was at a party...was dancing...fell (!!!! On my a$$ nonetheless) , and had a good laugh at myself.
I have not texted H for almost six months about anything related to me...but that night I texted him without thinking because I have a history of being a klutz ( seriously....stairs are my enemy as are glass doors and H has been witness to this for over 20 years) I texted him a ' omg I did it again lol' kind of thing. It was sent before thinking.
He responded actually...reminding me of other times I have been less than graceful in public a lol text thing.
So its positive, I get that, but not putting any stock in it. Hopefully this is just another sign that he is more comfortable and that his renewed R with the kids will stick.
But I know he is not thinking of me and it made me think..maybe I should just meet someone too.
And I thought about it a lot this weekend. I could. It would be easy.
It would distract me. It would make me feel like someone is thinking of me.
And I realised it would be for the wrong reasons. And while I am feeling increasingly detached and more free in my mind and life, I am not ready. So I didn't. And I realised that is maybe what you are talking about.
It seems thhta some people around me think the ultimate sign of moving forward is being with someone else. Taking that 'step' so to say. And maybe it is when the D is final..i feel like the vows still hold me to this M until ot is over.
It's....not an easy place to be in. I guess that's another reason why GAL is so important
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
To me, and for me, this simply meant that I did them for me. Not with any eye toward how it affect her. I didn't do something to hurt her. I didn't do something because it might make her happy.
Those things? Were completely not part of the equation. If I did something that could hurt her or make her happy? Well it wasn't intentional.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I am well j3b, i hope you are too :-) I figured you were busy and decided not to panic with multiple shout outs to you....i am learning :-)
OK I see that. I think I have been trying to to do that lately but more subconsciously...once i started to feel like i wasn't as scared anymore about the outcome, my actions were less calculating around him and more of just how i want to be for my own reasons. Because that is who I am. Like towards the end of his stay i was spending more time around him and the kids than initially..Before i would stay in my room as much as possible. Towards the end i just did what I wanted to. My house, my kids. I am happy and I like to joke so i would. If he liked good, if he took it as pursuit, his problem.
Also, I am starting to recognize myself as an individual again. Kind of exciting. I can make my own decisions with little regard for him. Not in a nasty way, I do not do things to hurt him intentionally (or anyone for that matter...and now he is part of anyone/everyone...he does not get special treatment/consideration from me anymore).
And when I realized he was stressed out while he was here at times, i backed off. Got on with my own thing which i enjoy. Not because i wanted to score points, but because i want to be the kind of person that can be respectful of others peoples need for space and have enough strength and compassion to give people what they need and realize its most of the time not about me.
Thats where i am trying to be right now j3b.
I don't know if you have seen my there thread, yeah we have had some friendly interactions while he has been away....but i see more and more how while its positive, it really makes no difference as long as he is with OW. So this time is truly for me and me alone.
(((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
