It doesnt matter what I wanted. She pushed. She initiated this and she has seen it through.
I didnt stand a chance. She wants this and theres nothing I can do to stop it. And honestly... Its not my call and it never was.
I guess I find relief in the fact that I treated her ok even though she became a horrible person. Im no longer holding my breath when it comes to her waking up n
She has become a whole different person and hasnt shown signs of waking up at all. Shes happy she says.
Then I guess I have to start getting happy myself. Think I have done everything that I can. She simply doesnt care about me. So I had to stop caring about her even though I wanted something else.
You seem detached, and accepted the outcome of your M. A good thing to be. Now is the time to really rev up your GAL activities, I would think.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
To be honest it really hasn't been that long for you.
"but this was all about her and now its time to be all about me."
This is why you didn't last. It was never all about her. It was about the both of you and the parts you did that contributed to getting to that point.
"I guess I find relief in the fact that I treated her ok even though she became a horrible person."
No she was hurt based off things that were done before and is just reacting to it.
She has become a whole different person and hasnt shown signs of waking up at all."
You keep mentioning this idea of her "waking up". She's not in a coma. She just saw all the conflict the two of you had and felt that the better alternative was to leave rather than being with you.
"Think I have done everything that I can."
Honestly not really. The majority of your posts were talking about you and how hurt you've been and how crazy your W is. It's like you're still keeping score which is probably one of the reasons why your W left.
That just seems to be the truth. If you honestly changed without having to keep score and see your W as a woman who has been hurt as opposed to someone in a zombie-like sleep, then things would turn around.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
And of course she was discontent with her life and me. But prior to this we didnt have and conflicts. No arguments, nothing that I believe could have forced her to do this. Thats the hard part.
Those few reasons for leaving she has told me seems in a way fabricated . I have never said that to her and I do understand her points.
Her goals now:
Be a good mother
Be a good friend
Be who she wants to be
Her reasons for leaving:
I controlled the remote control. ( yep! Thats one of her reasons)
If she stent time with a friend I sometimes texted her reguarding (I dont remember... Neither does she and it was probably nothing of importance) and then she felt stressed.
She let me take over her life!
Thats about it!
I dont play the blame game with her but I do want to be left alone and that makes her furious. She has destroyed my life and I need time to heal.
She on the other hand acts very confused. Writing that im an idiot om FB but in real life she still needs my help because she cant sort her new life with studies and work!
Dont know what to do. So 180 and leaving her alone is the only thing that seems to work for me. I really feel that it doesnt matter what I do she still angry with me.
she's probably still angry because she thinks you just don't get it. maybe she not clear enough with her reasons?
"she let me take over her life!"
this stood out for me because of my sitch. part of the reason my H left is because i became a bitter person.
i became bitter because i failed to communicate correctly what my needs and boundaries were in our marriage. i tried to make my husband happy by letting his goals and dreams become mine and i "lost" myself.
he became so used to almost everything being about him and what made him happy that when i finally did want some things of my own that made me happy, he saw it as betrayal. he didn't want to share.
maybe that's what she's saying? did you "take over" and fail to consider her and just assume, as your wife, she should like what you like and go along?
i'm not saying this is what happened but it's worth thinking about.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Well being a bit analytic the last two years she has worked 100% and studied 100%. She slowly became distant from me and the children. Not by choise but because she " had to" in order to be able to handle everything.
She didnt have time for anything else and that, I believe, is the core of her decision.
When she didnt have time for her husband and children, home and free time to " play" she simply gave up and ran. Somehow it was my fault. But I truly believe that I did everything I was supposed to do as a husband. I supported her but I should have seen the warning signs.
She felt trapped! It really didnt have to do with me. I have talked to her about it but she says that it wasnt the stress. She claims shes become stronger and now know what she doesnt want. Me!
But she has changed so much that her behavior shows me that she really didnt want to be married anymore. That im just a small part of this. She partys as often as she can, has ever changed the way she speaks to people ( cursing and being cool), has new friends that she really didnt like before this started.
Those things has nothing to do with me. Thats the new her. A different person all toghether.
Her olkder sister and I still have contact and she says that even she misses the old person. And it is her firm belief that she is in some kind of crisis. Older sister is a therapist!
Dont really know how to reach her so I leave her alone. My actions will not go unnoticed. Holiday abroad with our kids. GAL! And simply moving forward.
The future is not carved in stone so taking care of me. Being an even better version of me will make me feel better.
