I loved the way I would state an obstacle and Cheryl would say "oh god, who cares" or "they all say that"
I LOL'd when I read this. I can totally hear her saying that!!
Glad you found your session to be helpful. Give it a day or so to marinate in your head, review your notes, and reset your brain to move forward. I remember you saying you felt pressured to sign up for the additional sessions, I know what you mean, but every time I thought that I realized how much better I felt after my session and it ended up being worth it for me.
One thing she said to me that really suck was Assume the Good
why does that suck?
I meant STUCK! oops
I will type more later (hopefully) I'm so busy I want to sleep! but hey I should be happy I'm busy!
Just wanted to share I had to call H this morning about a sitch with the dog. It was all a bit crazy, then when it was sorted. I called him back and said really sorry about all that it's a bit like (a tv show) he made a joke about that and we talked. He also said that I shouldn't ever worry about calling him about the dog He would have had no problem helping and then he said he had been looking forward to playing with the dog and I said "Awwww you'll have to come by once you're back" Cheryl would have been proud then I mentioned the name of a grocery store and he said you want to hear a funny story and told me a story about buying something there and then accidentally cooking it in the packaging. We were laughing together the whole conversation.
and you know why? because I wasn't approaching it like I'm bothering you, or I shouldn't be asking or talking to you about things, or this might be pursuing, I just approached it happy, carefree, no agenda, no drama, no expectations. And when I got off the phone I thought that was a fun convo. and I didn't think anything else. I didn't think he's still going away with her this weekend, he's still living with her, etc. I just thought it was really nice to laugh with him. That was fun.
Cheryl asked me if I'd read How to Improve..and I said yes and she said THEN WHY AREN'T YOU USING IT!!!! I said well I read it and thought gosh I wish I'd known all this before. And she go read it again! use it in your sitch now!!
Great, Brit! That's how I'm trying to handle things, too; no expectations, talk about things we have in common (as I would with any other friend), laugh more, etc. It's getting H to contact me more and confide in me about his life and family (kids).
I was always too strong and too fearful. My 180 now is to let down my defenses and trust more. If it doesn't result in a R, then it doesn't. But it is lowering my anxiety level when I have fewer expectations.
Good for you!
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
it's funny how that works isn't it? it's actually what the whole law of attraction thing is saying - the energy you are in and putting out, is the exact thing you get back. so if your energy changes, then the other persons's does too.
in fact LOA says that whatever you get in your life is a very clear indication of where you are yourself.
glad you meant stuck, and not suck - all clear!
did cheryl talk about how to apply what you learned in ow T improve... i just started reading the book - so eager to hear more about it. also just got a otice that the library has 5 LL waiting for me. funny how it's taken me so long to start reading all of these
glad you are so busy today:) zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
No she didn't elaborate more about the How to Improve. But I'm gong to reread and I'll let you know.
In answer to one of your other questions I didn't tell her everything everything about my sitch. She said what would he say about your M. And when I told her my thoughts she picked up on something and really went into that and it was like seeing a psychic I said yes, he was depressed, he was misrable, he did feel like a failure, he'd stopped being a person. I gave her the bare basics then as we talked other things came out.
was in a text convo with MIL and she made a joke and I made one back and she said I literally have tears in my eyes you made me laugh so hard very well said. And I thought yeah, because this is the first time in ages that I haven't been worried about the right thing to say, hoping you still like me etc, I've just been me.
Today I randomly thought I have no idea what's going to happen in my life in a few months or few years and I'm okay with that....this is a Brit I've never before. amazing!
Oh I can definitely relate to what you said about no longer worrying whether MIL will like you. It is freeing to just be yourself, say what is on your mind and not hold back. Good for you. And it seems she still does and you made her laugh. Well done!!
Just an update....This weekend was like a revelation. H had spent the weekend with GF doing something I'd originally wanted to do with him before separation. Because of various things, I was happy I wasn't there at all! Today when I got home from friends I liked a photo on his fb page and he texted me to say he hoped I'd had a good time he was sure I did. I said I hoped he'd had a good time and he told me a bit about the weekend. Said they were heading back that they were exhausted. (oh who cares)
This weekend there was 3 things that happened
first I stayed with a girl that I am friends with but not super close. I knew things weren't great with her long term BF but being in the house with two people who live like roommates was really sad. Hearing how she talked to him, listening to her say that she was unhappy, wanted to leave, given up on all hope of marriage or kids at her age, doesn't know how she can leave...I am so so so so so so so so happy that all of that is out of my life. I am immensely proud of myself that I found the strength and courage when I felt the lowest to not stay in a soul destroying sitch. Looking back yes I would have chose to make changes differently...I would have tried to work on things before ending it. But the bottom line: in the fight or flight response I chose one of the two instead of living in a state of fear.
Second, I was in a beautiful city, in a very upmarket neighborhood, I spent my time at coffee shops, cafes, antique shops, boutiques, I could go on and on. But it was as if I had a refill of me. I rarely thought of H. (especially being confronted with an unhappy relationship) I was surrounded with an hint of how my life is becoming and how I will continue making it that way.
Third, I met someone. Okay okay okay calm down. When I say I met someone I mean literally that. I just met someone who was all the things I could/would consider in a potential partner. Nothing transpired except me thinking H isn't the only option. The old Brit party girl would have handled meeting someone like this in a very different way. New Brit? doesn't even know if she'll ever see him again and that doesn't matter. It was a real eye opener to meet someone and see yourself through their eyes.
And so every day all my fears become less troublesome because I keep opening more windows or doors.
