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Tinman Offline OP
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We currently have joint custody. I have them about 45% of the time and XW 55% of the time.

Schedule is on a 4 week cycle.
first weekend both with me (Weekend = friday after school to Monday to school)
Second weekend we split them (alternate for some one on one)
Third weekend both with me
Fourth weekend both with EW

During school year during week I have Wed after school to Thursday to school.
Summer's I get Tue and Thur from 3:00 pm to 9 am. Pick up droop off at her home.

Clear as mud?
They other thing to keep in mind is that She has a 4 year old downs child and XW has stated that she sleeps 14 - 16 hours a day.


M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13
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Originally Posted By: Tinman
We currently have joint custody. I have them about 45% of the time and XW 55% of the time.

Schedule is on a 4 week cycle.
first weekend both with me (Weekend = friday after school to Monday to school)
Second weekend we split them (alternate for some one on one)
Third weekend both with me
Fourth weekend both with EW

During school year during week I have Wed after school to Thursday to school.
Summer's I get Tue and Thur from 3:00 pm to 9 am. Pick up droop off at her home.

Clear as mud?
They other thing to keep in mind is that She has a 4 year old downs child and XW has stated that she sleeps 14 - 16 hours a day.



And the CPS recommendation is for you to have full custody ?


Is her time with the kids supervised ?


Do you have an appointed Guardian ad Litem ???


Does your parenting (full custody) plan for them, include your wife ? Or is this something that you are able to do on your own ???

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Tinman Offline OP
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CPS will not make a recommendation in a custody case. They did issue a report stating that the children are in "imminent risk of being removed from XW home.

My parenting plans do not include my W. I need to plan as if I am a single parent right now and prob not a good idea to try and place any of that on her anyway as she has a career also.

I have suggested supervised visits but that is up to custody evaluator.

Can I ask you what your sitch is? I am so impressed with your insight on R and even how you peged me so quickly. Just curious who it is I am grateful to.


M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 181
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Tinman Offline OP
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I am such an idiot! My kids text my W if we could come down and go swimming. She said sure and that she would join us. We had such a wonderful time yesterday and today it started out nice and we were pretty comfortable and I opened up a little. Some please sew my lips shut. We talked about some of what we were going through and that discussion evolved into some of what happened in the past which turned into her telling me that I push too much and basically ruin her wanting to be with me. 5 min before she was asking me to feel the muscles in her legs and then I made a comment about sex burning off lots of calories and she laughed and responded that she would keep that in mind. Meaning others. Thank kind of caught me off guard. I was like thanks a lot. She said oh you mean with you. Well that would be uncomfortable. I was like why we are still married. Her response was yes but we live in separate houses and are separated.
This lead to her saying I push her too much and in turn I said that maybe I am still trying to hold on too tight and was too needy but told her she has made comments about a few other guy friends and it concerns me (one of them all the time but lives in another state). She said she has been telling me all along that she is happy with her life as it is. She has her little house, her boys, her group of friends and she does not have to worry about us. She said I can’t just let things be. She is right, I miss her so much and then yesterday I felt like I was falling in love with her all over again and now I messed that up again. At that point she said that I was making the whole situation too difficult and she just wanted to go inside and forget about it.
I feel like giving up because it really should not have to hurt this bad!


M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Duct tape or stop seeing her until you can pop the top on that can of STFU.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Tinman Offline OP
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Not sure if I am to laugh or cry. oops too late!!! I hate feeling like this!! And she appears to be so happy with being single and going on without me/us.


M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
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well, is she really without you? you live 5 houses away. your kids play with hers. you go to her house to swim.

your anxiety gets the better of you when you're around her. you want this fixed and over with. she's not ready for that.

when she said, "i'll have to keep that in mind", you were mindreading, "meaning others". you should have just laughed.

you keep reminding her of why she left. you need to remind her more of why she married you.

be fun, be happy, keep things light and playful. stop the pressure on her so she can stop resisting.

just my .02 worth.


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

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I had the same thought when I read this post,

you keep reminding her of why she left.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 181
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Tinman Offline OP
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Hard to hear but understood and I am trying but then I get hope and blow it all to heck! Need to open that can or two of STFU. Sounds so easy to do and then insert my "But". Thanks for setting me stright.


M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 181
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Tinman Offline OP
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Posts: 181
Yes Mach1 I see that I used "but" after I said I try in the last post which totally negates it. Guess I better try harder!
Thanks for all your advice!


M-45
W-44
2D - 11&13
2SS - 11&17
Married 10/10/10
Bomb 3/5/12
Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12
Back together 9/12
Seperated 6/13
Divorce Final 11/13/13
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