I will try that, thanks. The odd thing is she says she don't get on, which you don't see her post things, but I think she might be looking at mine. One time I asked about something I sent her, she said she don't go on there. The next morning I seen her on. I think she might have done it, because see don't want to see pictures of us, think it makes her think about what she is doing and if it's the right thing. She won't step in the house, when you do, there is a whole wall filled with our wedding pictures.
ME 31 / W 29 M 7 / T 13 S 3 / S 5 NOT HAPPY 11/11 BOMB 12/27/11 MOVED OUT 2/12 THINKS D WOULD BE BEST FOR HER 5/14/12 W Files D 6/24/12
You are experiancing a huge amount of pain. This is to be expected. Expressing it here rather than to your wife is good.
Now I am going to ask you to look at what you are saying. "This is just beating me down, I want it to work so much, but I hate being alone" You sound weak, needy, and a mess. That is so unattractive to any women. Its certainly not the man she married: He was strong, capabale, accomplished, funnny and so very attractive to her and probably that image of you was reinforced by her friends. Which version of you do you think she would want to be with????
Please get ahold of yourself. Yes patience is critical here. But strength is even more important. I am sure that even if you do not say these things to your wife she can sense them. She can smell the fear and desperation. Remember she knows you. She knows your body language, your little tells. She can see your weaknesses a mile away. This is why you can not convince her of anything. She must come to realizations by herself. The only thing you have control over is YOU. How you feel, think, and most importantly how you act.
You can do this. Make a plan based on strength. Then live your life 100% based who you want to be and who your are as a man. She either will be attracted by that or not. Again not in your control. But which do you think has a better shot at success. Either way you will survive and things will get better with or without your wife when you decide to lead your life.
M: 50, W: 48 M: 26 yrs S:25, D:24, S:20, D:19 Hard at work on my marriage everyday! There is hope, there is life, it is the only life we have....
Hey Shocked, keep your chin up my friend we are all rooting for you. Vorlon gave you some great advice, 8 months in I am still figuring all this out since little has worked for me, so I don't do much advice but am pulling for you and your sitch!
Vorlon, I see you have been around for a while and the list you posted yesterday really hit home for me, one of the most helpful things I have seen on here. I have subsequently read all of your posts and you give some of the most candid and helpful advice I have read on here. Thanks for being here!
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
Sorry, I just having rough day. Think I have been pretty good for about the last month. I keep trying to look into the little things to much. Thr new pic is a nice one of her and one of my sons. Would it be okay to leave a comment? Maybe " Lovely pic of you and S. He is so handsome and you are lovely as always. He's growing into a young man."
ME 31 / W 29 M 7 / T 13 S 3 / S 5 NOT HAPPY 11/11 BOMB 12/27/11 MOVED OUT 2/12 THINKS D WOULD BE BEST FOR HER 5/14/12 W Files D 6/24/12
To avoid all that, I just defriended my H when he dropped the bomb. I didn't want to know about him and I didn't want him to know about me. It saved me a lot of heartache, and sleepless nights.
What is it you hope to accomplish by making the comment? What are your expectations or result your looking for? Be honest with yourself here...you want her to notice how thoughtful you are and write a nice comment back to you to make you feel better. To ellicit a nice though or feeling about you. Your trying to score points. Your looking for validation from her.
Again the focus on her, the sublte pressure to respond to you. Hmm does that sound like the actions of a strong, confident, capable man that she would be attracted too? I'll let you answer this my friend because you have to learn to think, act and feel by yourself.
Even if you do the wrong thing, so what!! We are all human. What you need is confidence in your own thougts, actions and deeds. Even if you are wrong or make a mistake. You are man enough to get over it and press ahead with what needs to be done. That is part of being a man no women would let go.... yes you are good enough. You can handle it.
Broken74---Thanks. I read a lot.. 5LL, A Passionate Marrage, TWOTSM, and M/V books to name a few and have had to go through my own pain. I have a wife who wouldn't cut me any slack as a man and at the same time had the strength to stay with me while I worked on me. I had to grow up and figure out what the heck being a man meant. I also try and learn from others as I go through life. Many great people have been on here over the years as well as on other boards I visit. Its process and many of the issues are similar.
M: 50, W: 48 M: 26 yrs S:25, D:24, S:20, D:19 Hard at work on my marriage everyday! There is hope, there is life, it is the only life we have....
Shockeddad, I appreciate what Verlon said. I am loving his advice too!
H & I are both frequent FB users. He "likes" everything I post and I try not to overdo posting too much.
As far as my comments on his stuff, I try to make it not more than other friends. Like "cute pic" or just a "like" or try to make a funny statement. Never anything personal. It helps to maintain the "light-hearted" feeling ping-ponging back and forth and still I get the feeling of being in touch with him.
Just what works right now for me.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I wanted to drop in on your thread. Vorlon has given you some great advice. I agree with what he is pointing out. Please read his posts again and again.
You still have expectations. There is not a magic bullet for these situations. You must continue working on completely detaching. It is a process. That's why GAL is so important.
You must focus on getting yourself to that happy and confident place. It takes time and patience. A lot of time and patience.
It is time to dig deep and work on yourself.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I showed her a shirt that I bought for vaction bible school that has Matt. 19:26 on it. She is even fighting her faith now too.
Please do NOT discuss theology with her. It's a ruse to guilt her into coming back
even if you don't realize it. For sure it's how SHE sees it, pressure from you and probably some judgement.
IF that would get her home, talking to ONE religious friend would already have worked.
back way way off.
And I know you've heard this a dozen time "Pay NO attention to anything they say and only half of what they do"
yet you are examining her every comment/conversation with you -AND with others on a daily basis
Stop that. Look for patterns or movement, over time.
Again, this is a marathon,not a spring. No short cuts.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
