Yeap. And at the advice of a friend while everyone was negotiating I stopped everyone and asked W if this is what she wanted. she looked confused so I said" a divorce". Because she did not answer one of the lawyer panelist said " he is asking if u want to reconcile. U can always get a d later". She never answer either way but she held back her tears. Though for everyone. so if anyone is thinking of getting a D think carefully.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I have had a couple of days to think about what happened in court Tuesday. Some of my fears are disappearing not sure why. I am kind of exited about the future. Most of my fears are financial ones. But God has always managed to provide for me so I will be ok. Broke but ok. Many months ago I told W that the quickest solution would be for her to buy me out of the house or vice versa. She declined and has since been packing. During mediation I offered to buy her out. Her head was spinning and she said that she wants the house now and that she was never told that she could buy me out? On top of that she will pay me alimony for 8 years it is not much but it will offset child support.The other issue is time with my D. I am still confused but the explanation is that because of her age it is more difficult to set times. Such as 50/50 and because of that my child support could be alot more. So some issues are non negotiable other much more so.
I have already spoken to a mortgage person and will have no issue in obtaining one. since court W has been even colder and looks sickly. I think she thought that on Tuesday the judge was gonna just say here you are divorce and Rick pack your crapp and hit th side walk. TBH this morning I just wished W was gone. Not sure where it came from and it is not anger. I just want peace and some control over my life. There I said it CONTROl. lol
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
The other issue is time with my D. I am still confused but the explanation is that because of her age it is more difficult to set times.
what does that mean? when i read that i assumed your D was really young, but then i scrolled down to see her age, and i thought - that's an odd reason. is it because a 15 yr old has much more going on with activities etc. i would think it would be easier when they are older to do 50/50, but maybe i'm wrong there. does your wife live very far away?
. TBH this morning I just wished W was gone. Not sure where it came from and it is not anger. I just want peace and some control over my life. There I said it CONTROl
Ha! good place to be - you've really let go. i'm in the same exact place this morning, but not without the anger and fed-upness i'm still feeling. i look forward to getting to where you are.
i'm not being flippant - i'm sure behind your words, there is still a lot for you to deal with. but applaud yourself for getting to this place. letting go of the outcome is the key to our success - according to my IC. I. of course am still working on that.
you, dear friend, are there!!
go treat yourself to something good today - you deserve it:)
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Hey Gunny doing better everyday. Was thinking of a 30 mile bike ride tomorrow. I have lost more weight than I ever wanted to? Not comPlaining:)
So W seems like a super angry WAS ready to explode. Me I'm trying to enjoy my life. I have been meeting ladies on line. Is it right or wrong? Dunno yet. Haven't met one face to face yet but im learning about what I still need to work on. I think my M is so far gone that if W was to ask to R I don't think she will like the answer. But I won't know until and if it happens. So I have decided to live as if the M is dead and working on accepting it. Not easy after spending half of my life with her. A new feeling is the excitment of anew life, new goals and maybe a new Partner. Just being able to spend quality time with my D without Ws interruptions or disagreements is a good feeling.
What I have learned so far:
I'm not broken More people like me than don't I'm a good man I made many mistakes in the M so did she I hate liars and being lied to I have no control I will have an awesome life post divorce. Better than imagined I'm stronger than I felt for the past year I'm funny really My W does not define who I am I love being a H and a dad I need a road map to feel some control God is watching over me
That is what is going on in my head right now. Still some depression but dealing with it. I no longer wish to be dead, have a head on coalition, or some other easy way out. I'm dealing with this head on.
Suddenly the future does not look so grim. I have met and made so many new friends that I have to increase my text minutes or be broke:)
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
We are almost at the one year mark of physical separation. She has gotten even colder. Last 2 days been really depressed. It just comes out of freaking no where. going to economic mediation July 5th. Not sure what it is. The fear is killing me and I need to stop that. Negative thoughts have again taken over. So not helpful. My brain is spiraling out of control at times and feel fatigued. I hope she moves out soon. Can't take it any longer.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
hi rick - it's okay - things will work out for the best, no matter which way it goes eventually. you need to have faith in only that, otherwise you'll start sinking.
you've done a lot of hard work on yourself - and you did it knowing that this could go either way, but you kept the faith all this time. don't let yourself down now, don't give in to the fear. it will take you over in ways you will never be happy about.
when you look back at this time, you'll want to see it as a time where you met your wall, and you stood straight and tall and unflinching in the face of your own fears. give yourself that gift, and love yourself enough to allow yourself to have that.
the fear is an empty fear - in the sense that it's the easier one to go with. sit with it quietly for as long as you need and keep digging deeper and finding out what you are actually afraid of. you might find that it is something different.
it's okay to feel it at the same time - it's natural and all of us will face it in one way or the other - but what we do with it when it comes to meet us - there lies the difference.
it's okay to be depressed too - the minute you allow your feelings and really acknowledge them instead of fighting them, they will dissolve and you will be able to see more clearly.
don't forget - it's not over until it's over
(((( ))))
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
You never know what could happen between now and then. Hang in there!!