I don't know how I missed this thread before. I could have quoted most of the posts; letting the spark die/them thinking all the mlc stuff is easier than fixing it, signs of a man's depression, the DB "not how a husband should feel about thier wife", the no connection (yet, mine had a hard time going a day not contacting me) etc.
When we were in our first round of MC ( before PA came out) we were asked to make a list of what we wanted in a marriage and then we were to share it next session. We never got to the next session, but I found H's list the other day going through papers. His 2 things; passion & fun to hang out with !! This sounds like a 18 year old dating, not a near 40 yr old father of 3 who has been with the same woman for 20 years. I'm not saying he is totally wrong but I had things like trust, financially responsible, appreciation, loyality, love. I always wondered what he had put, now I know... And it was dissapointing on so many levels.
Me-36 H-37 D11 S8 S6 M9 T19 ILYNILWY 11/10 discover EA 02/11 discover EA is really PA/H moved out 03/11 H wants to go to counselling,piecing 12/11 Find out still OW(plural), I'm officially done/detached 04/12
Took the words right out of my mouth. Its funny (not really) how I'm not the right one anymore but anyone who gives him a glance is a better fit? Oh, and he says how us getting together at a young age was not the right way to start a relationship, but an OW is a great way. They make no sense.
Originally Posted By: wishing, hoping
Your H and mine sound like they are cut from the same cloth. I keep thinking perhaps mine isn't MLC but the more I notice the crazy antics from H and the more I read threads from the MLC forum the more similarities I see. My H is all about "feelings" and how he has "feelings" for me but not "romantic" feelings. He still thinks I am the most beautiful woman ever, the best mom ever, the best friend ever and the best homemaker ever but it's all about "feelings". Fourteen years of being best friend ever and boom he is sneaking around with another woman and it's over. My H, as well, says he is not crazy and is perfectly sane. Although everyone who sees him and talks to him (except for OW) wonders why he is acting like a crazy man.
We cannot let them have their cake and eat it too. They need to have reality smack them in the face. It is hard but we need to sit back and let nature take its course.
This is my H to a tee too. (Supposidly the orginal OW is out, but from what I've heard, in her own mlc...things he would say I'm sure were a parrot of what she had said about her m). Now he's moved on to gf's way younger with younger friends and a "look" to go with it. Again, I love this thread.
Me-36 H-37 D11 S8 S6 M9 T19 ILYNILWY 11/10 discover EA 02/11 discover EA is really PA/H moved out 03/11 H wants to go to counselling,piecing 12/11 Find out still OW(plural), I'm officially done/detached 04/12
I open it and he has this part confused part terrified look on his face as he says, "I didn't know you were here. I heard the toilet flush and didn't know who was in the house with me!" ... So I'm really not sure what the heck is going on...... and why he would all of a sudden want to save money........ any thoughts on this strangeness?? ... When I was paying the phone bill I noticed he's decided to start texting...
hmm...guilt, perhaps?
W would always "turn up the nice" when she got busted, or thought she might have...
Just like a teenager when they had a party when Mom and Dad were gone...but they aren't sure if they found all the beer bottles behind the sofa...lets be nice and helpful and distract them AWAY from the sofa...
Sorry to hear this H...wouldn't it be funny to get a remote toilet flusher and pretend to be out of the house and...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I open it and he has this part confused part terrified look on his face as he says, "I didn't know you were here. I heard the toilet flush and didn't know who was in the house with me!" ... So I'm really not sure what the heck is going on...... and why he would all of a sudden want to save money........ any thoughts on this strangeness?? ... When I was paying the phone bill I noticed he's decided to start texting...
hmm...guilt, perhaps?
W would always "turn up the nice" when she got busted, or thought she might have...
Just like a teenager when they had a party when Mom and Dad were gone...but they aren't sure if they found all the beer bottles behind the sofa...lets be nice and helpful and distract them AWAY from the sofa...
Sorry to hear this H...wouldn't it be funny to get a remote toilet flusher and pretend to be out of the house and...
T^2
I love this!!! H always plays up the nice when he is up to something. Boy he must think I am stupid. He is acting just like his son (my stepson).
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I don't know if they think we are stupid...I think they just don't think, its all what they want at the moment...then damage control...but what do I know, I'm stupid...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
hrm, You said that he is acting like his stepson...well, think about it...he may be walking around in a man's body, but he's regressed back to the age of a teenager. It's not that he thinks you are stupid, but his mind has regressed and he's acting out at an age of 16 or 17. You now officially have another son in the mix! LOL!
BTW, they all play nice when they are up to something or want something from you. It's part of the mlc illness.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
hrm, You said that he is acting like his stepson...well, think about it...he may be walking around in a man's body, but he's regressed back to the age of a teenager. It's not that he thinks you are stupid, but his mind has regressed and he's acting out at an age of 16 or 17. You now officially have another son in the mix! LOL!
BTW, they all play nice when they are up to something or want something from you. It's part of the mlc illness.
Actually Snodderly that was me. H is a teenager trapped in a middle aged body. He is angry and miserable. As he told me once this whole thing isn't so much about me and what I did or didnt do but its about him sorting out his head and trying to find some happiness. I don't even think he realized he said that out loud to me.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
wishing, hoping~ Thanks for pointing that out.... no kids or step kids for either of us, (Snodderly I really don't think I could deal with another teenager!) LOL Wishing that's interesting that your H actually stated he's messed up and searching for happiness (in all the wrong places!). It's interesting he's aware, but not aware enough to realize nothing material on this earth or countless other people are going to make him happy, he's got to find it inside himself. Oh the messes people create to find something that's been in them the whole time... Wizard of Oz much? hahahahaha
Snodderly~It's sad but I pretty much figure any time he's being nice or semi-nice he must be up to something. Not enough popcorn in the world to sit and watch this circus go through..... Although it may be a good time to try that salt and vinegar popcorn.... always wondered if it's as good as the chips....
canadianMrs~I don't know how you missed this tread either, but I'm glad you found, hopped on board my crazy train and are loving it.
T~OMG, you are a freaking genius! A remote flusher that would be hilarious!! I wonder if they make such a thing..... I must research this..... oh the fun I could have..... hmmmm..... how else could I mess with him....oh no everyone, my evil side is coming out ...
I really do think they think we are stupid sometimes... like the whole wanted to save money by not staying at a hotel... yeah, right.... if I believe that will you tell me another one? I had a random thought about the hotel thing, cause it's just too strange for him to drive that same 2 hours the next day instead of just stay in the hotel, he would have been charged a cancellation fee, not to mention the almost $300 he took out of the bank that same day.... my thought was this.... wonder if my friend, who's car he doesn't know, who picked me up late and semi-late, made him think I may have company Saturday evening and he thought he would show me by showing up and "catching" me? Just a possibility....who really knows, but he cared enough to open the curtains both times I was getting picked up to try and sneak a peek at who was dropping by.....which I still think is darn funny!
Also, I wanted to share this, I was visiting my dad and his wife this evening and was talking a bit about this site and how much help everyone has been on here and how grateful I am for all the advice, encouragement and empathy. My dad said something that I didn't really think about, but now I am super thankful for as well. He said, "Just think how lucky you are to have a place like that to be able to talk with other people from all over going through the same thing you are. If you think about it women going through this 20 years ago wouldn't have been so lucky, they would have to possibly had gone through this same thing alone." How true.... he really made me think, I am so very thankful for this site and everyone on it, and for going through this awful time in the age of the internet..... Imagine feeling lucky during this the worst period in my life so far, I will add this to the list of things that make me happy. I would also like to add to my happy list driving by the Martin's Potato Roll factory on the way to work when they are baking bread.... oh the smell.... so amazing.....
hrm, You could be right in the fact that your h is curious to know who you are keeping company with. They don't want us, but they also don't want anyone else to have us either. They are just too funny and screwed up to know which end is up! As you move along, you'll begin to notice that they have a way of telling on themselves and you can then almost predict what is going to happen next.
BTW, your h is a teenager right now, so dig deep for patience! This is going to be a true experience for you!
It's true, this site and others are a God send. Society truly has become more open about a lot of things, not just on the internet, but on the television as well. People are communicating more about issues of all types. I can remember thinking that Bill Clinton must have been going through something when he did the deed w/Monica. His comments made no sense to me way back then, but they do now after listening to others going through mlc.
I love the Martin Potato Rolls when they are fresh! Yummy!
Enjoy your day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
