im trying not to obsess. it is hard. she never called the kids last night. we are supposed to every night. she doesnt alot, so i am getting used to it. kids dont say anything. i keep them busy doing fun things. it gets me thinking, what is she doing who is she with..i just wanted it to stop. so i went for my run. put alot into it. felt like i was running away from my thoughts. when my mind went to her, i ran harder. beat my best time by about a minute. my legs hurt today. thats okay, i like the pain.
gonna be a good day i hope. i going to make it that way.
You've probably heard this before but her R with the kids is hers. You can't make it better, you shouldn't try to make it worse. I think you've done a great job of being fair about that.
Here's a story about my H. After we got married he no longer "courted" me. Never said let's go to dinner, how about a movie, this is what I'd like to do for vacation. He wasn't against doing those things but he was never the initiator. Not in his nature.
Now he's that way with the boys. Very seldom calls and invites them to do things with him so he doesn't see them very often. He's squandering his father capital as I see it but that's his stuff.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
bug- thanks for sharing that story with me. i understand its her call what she does. so out of character for her, but all of this is. she was always the initiator. now she barely wants anything to do with them. that is her call. i am here for them always. my goal is to be their rock in this storm. that is consistency. they know dad is here for them.
what she does is so out of my control. i accept that. it hurts to see her neglecting the kids. she has always been a great mom. i just have to step up my efforts to make up for it. i am good with that. they are the only thing that brings me joy right now
I know that feeling. I try not to think about H's choices about his relationship with SS. I also remember when I was such a mess both as a WAW and breaking down as the LBS when I wasn't as good of a parent as I could be. I spend so much time with my S now. More than I did when H lived here. When I was unhappy I couldn't be a good parent I see that now.
That may change...but yes just focus on your R with them.
today is my least favorite day this week. i have to bring the kids to thier mom. it breaks me down inside. last night my S just wanted to snuggle with me and so did D. we put a movie on and all laid on the floor together. they fell asleep and i just laid there with tears running down my face. i am not cut out to be a part time dad.
i am trying to be patient and see what happens. it hurts to see my kids so sad. my S said he doesnt want to go to his moms. he wants to stay with me. i told him that is nice for him to say, but he has to go to his moms. she loves him and deserves to spend time with him too.
gotta mow the lawn over there today. heres to hoping i dont have to talk to the cops today.. im bringing a water bottle so i dont have to ask for a glass of water.. im going to stay positive and try to act happy. put on a strong face for my kids. i can cry when i drive away.
we have 1 lawnmower. its in our sep. agreement that i do it. no matter what happens, i intend to uphold my end of it. i dont know anyone in this town. and i dont have any extra money to pay anyone either. she might let me do it when she is not home, but that is doubtful. i am not allowed over there, except when dropping the kids off or picking them up.
i am trying to stay positive about stuff with my kids. i am going to miss them alot this week.
ok..chalk one up for Dakota! usually i am on time for everything (15 mins early). 10 mins to 2 my W txt me "are you coming or not?" didnt reply. just showed up at 2, the time i am supposed to be there. got the kids stuff out, and the lawnmower. showed W how to start it. she got it after a few tries. looks like mowing might be in her future. mowed the lawn. got done knocked on the door. drank my own water and waited for the kids. told them to listen to their mom, same rules as at my house. W said "they have only been here an hour, and i am already yelling at them". told her she would be fine, they are adjusting. gave kids hugs, told them i love them. S wanted my necklace (W got it for me 11 years ago). i gave it to him and told him to take care of it for me. it is very important. he said he would and now he has somethin of mine when he misses me. told the W if she needed anything to let me know. i would see what i could do. said bye and started walking away. she said "hey". "thanks for mowing the lawn". i said no problem. thats the first time she has said thank you in months.
all in all, i was happy acting. no R talk. best of all...NO COPS!!!!!
