Did I give expecting something in return or did I give from that place of unconditional love?
YES! and also do I detach expecting something in return? Am I kind and polite expecting something in return? And then when things aren't going my way fly off the handle?
thanks, bug. i know the anger only really hurts me since it's illegal to hurt him the way i want to...
i think it's just what this holiday weekend has meant to me. he sends me these sweet texts during the week and i "sweetly" reply but he's not finished punishing me for not doing everything with him during the last two years of our marriage. he's even made it a point to bring up how now i know how he felt. he's a cruel, controlling, and a really selfish @sshole.
i'm hoping i'll feel better tomorrow after the friggin' holiday. maybe not, though, since i've started on the champagne...
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
What if you stopped being sweet? Is that your cheeseless tunnel? I'm not saying be mean but what if you detached and didn't take the bait to be sweet back?
i wonder how many times people on here felt like giving up and moving on? how many times did they feel it would be easier to get the pain and fear over with in one big hit and start living again instead of getting slowly eaten alive, bite by bite?
As I posted earlier today, I kind of feel like this now but it doesn't really feel like "giving up" anymore.
Originally Posted By: Brit45
What if you stopped being sweet? Is that your cheeseless tunnel? I'm not saying be mean but what if you detached and didn't take the bait to be sweet back?
I think this is where I'm at, too. I wasn't full on sweet (not my personality ;)) but I had pulled back a little bit. I'm pulling back even more now and getting more unpredictable. Let us know how it works for you.
Will do! The schumck showed up, unannounced, of course. He rang the doorbell but it didn't quite register with me 'cause I'm drinking champagne and watching a netflix movie. He rings the doorbell so I won't get startled. I'm in the bedroom with the door locked 'cause I used to live in Miami and now that I don't have a "protector", I take extra precautions.
Anyway, now he's downstairs, mowing the lawn. No call to let me know he's coming, no text, nothing! What if I'm doing something I don't particularly want to share with him? He lives at his mother's. I can't just arrive there unannounced! I think he should let me know in advance when he's coming. What do y'all think?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
well, he rang the doorbell and didn't even come in. he mowed the lawn and left. i didn't go down. he didn't call me to let me know he was coming and he never said hello or good bye. i couldn't bring myself to go downstairs to say hello because i'm so hurt that he's ignored me for so long and left me alone for this holiday weekend.
i don't know what to do. a part of me thinks i should have gone down but it probably wouldn't have gone well since i'm so resentful.
he db's me much better than i do him.
now i'm sure i'll not hear from him unless it has to do with the rental property we're selling. will someone please give me some advice?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Hi SS- I didnt read your whole thread but saw you were looking for advise and didnt want to leave you hanging. I think it's good you didn't go see him. Let him wonder what you were up to...
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
thanks, maggie. i feel like such a failure at this db stuff. the more space i give him, the more he takes. he's so gone. i just feel so bad, like nothing i do is right.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I feel the same and you and I are on similar timelines. From what I see in other peoples threads it takes a lot longer than we have been doing it for to see changes in our S's or to see them reacting to our changes. Just keep working on you and doing things that help you feel better and that help move you towards being that person you want to be.
It's kind of cheesy but I started listening to "The Secret" on audio today. From the first few chapters I've gathered that the secret is about positive thinking and attracting what you want through positive thinking, and if your thoughts are negative you'll attract negative things. Keep your chin up and focus on all your amazing qualities and hopefully he will remember them. If not, his loss.
Also, could you maybe set a boundary around him just showing up. My H always emails me in advance- usually letting me know a few days ahead when he's coming to do yardwork based on the weather forecast.
Me-32 H-31 M-1yr, 9mos/T-6.5yrs No kids, 3 pets H estranged father passes away- 8/11 Bomb- 1/15/12 Began LRT- 4/1/12
