thanks, jbn. it was nice! i don't purposely tell him what i'm doing because i'm hoping it will all help me be a more rounded person, not to make him want to be with me. but, a small part of me was delighted it worked out that he called in the middle of my GAL!
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
It sounds like you're doing your GAL'ing for the right reasons, then. Become your best possible self. And yes - it's awesome when they just happen to call right in the middle of something like that.
really down today. spent the evening with my DIL and grandkids and had a great time. however, on the ride home i kept thinking about how H and his family have all abandoned me. H sends me a sweet text, usually once a day, but that's it, for the most part.
this is a holiday weekend. we should be together in a M. i'm so tired of this game playing.
question for anyone on here who knows the answer:
FOR THE DBer's WHO ENDED UP DIVORCED BUT HUNG IN THERE, MONTH AFTER MONTH, AND FINALLY WERE DIVORCED BY THEIR S OR DECIDED TO DO THE DIVORCING, DO THEY WISH THEY HAD THROWN IN THE TOWEL EARLIER AND NOT SUFFERED SO MUCH FOR SO LONG??
anybody...
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I can't answer the question directly but I read someone else say that if you have to question if you should give up then you shouldn't give up. I think we all wonder that. But you have to ask yourself when you have those feelings what are you afraid of?
I sometimes felt abandoned by his family. His mom and I had a close R but since GF it's gotten less and less.
"I think we all wonder that. But you have to ask yourself when you have those feelings what are you afraid of?"
i'm afraid i'm wasting time. i'm 62.
i'm afraid that if after all the time we've spent going through this, we may still end up divorced and i would have been more "healed" had i just let it happen or made it happen.
i'm afraid that should we R, his priorities will still be his kids, his family, and his "dreams" over me and mine.
i'm afraid that i will never be able to forgive his family for abandoning me during this.
i'm afraid i will not be able to care for his kids the way he wants and expects me to.
i'm afraid that he's not the man i "angelicized" when the bomb hit and i don't know if i can take his selfishness anymore.
someone on here said the the WAS is really just the one who dropped the bomb first and that the LBS was thinking about it, too. the month prior to him dropping the bomb was the worst of our marriage. big fight, he withdraws and makes me feel abandoned, i buy a condo in my hometown to be near family and friends, etc. while i was in my hometown for a month prior to the bomb, i remember thinking how i was so done with his behavior. i was noticing other men, thinking about another life; a life without him and the stress of his kids.
i don't want to waste time on something that may not happen or if it does, it's not good enough and i'm still unhappy.
i don't have all the time most of the people on here have that are in their 20's, 30's, and 40's. for me, it would be a much easier answer if i were.
thanks for stopping by, brit. you're much wiser than i was at your age.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Awww thanks! I hope so. You think it would be easier at our age. But me, Maggie, a few others are all worrying about that ticking clock of having babies and letting that hang over our heads.
The angel metaphor is great. It's exactly how I felt this week I've been thinking he's changed, only remembering the good, feeling victimised that he was on the pedestal.
We all have fear that we're wasting time, but time spent on yourself is time well spent. I think if I end up alone at the end of my life I want to like who I am. It feels like this sitch as been going on forever but it's only been a few months. Just detach some more so that your feelings about how you're living aren't so wrapped up in the final outcome. I'm slowly becoming okay with idea that we might not R. I too see a lot of his issues again. But don't get me wrong the idea of him remarrying having kids makes me sick. Slowly we'll be fully independent again
Hey did you look into volunteering at the hospital? That sounded great! I started looking into volunteering opportunities myself! What better way to stop thinking so much than to give to others!
yes, i sent in my application and am awaiting contact from them. it's not like it used to be. i have to have an "interview" with an interview committee. i guess, nowadays, they need to make sure i'm not a terrorist or a criminal!
"We all have fear that we're wasting time, but time spent on yourself is time well spent."
^^^this is a good thing for me to remember. i do think i worry too much about the "final outcome". it's just so hard not too when i think about how much time i have left in my life. i don't want to spend my precious remaining years in limbo. i want this to be over!!! it's a bleak part of my life...
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
And yes - it's awesome when they just happen to call right in the middle of something like that.