I think that 2-3 year mark is kind of the make up your mind period. The relationship is going forward or I'm bailing sort of thing. Don't beat yourself up over that, it's like trying on a different role and seeing how it fits you.
Marriage of course should be different but sometimes the people we marry get abducted and turn into these wacko aliens. They cheat and lie and are just terrible. honestly I think they never really grew up and are acting like spoiled little brats like it should be ok to sleep with someone else!
Anyhow, don't give up. If I, at 47, still believe that I have something wonderful to offer than so should you. I do believe that someimes we try so hard to find someone that we don't see the people right in front of us. Don't sweat it, love will find you again when you are ready.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Oh Michelle, I'm so sorry. You are sounding despondent and that's not like you at all.
I can tell you this for certain....it's NOT you! Examine the 'reasons' these men left. I didn't know about that 2.5 year one. What happened there? We all know what destroyed your M and it had nothing to do with you at all. Roger....well....Roger has his own set of issues. How are those your fault?
There is no way to imagine how you feel exactly, but feeling like there must be something wrong with you is something I completely identify with and I'm again, so sorry you are feeling this way.
Is there anyway to re-frame some things in your mind so they don't seem to daunting?
Starting over? Look at it as an opportunity for a new beginning with endless possibilities.
Not a success? Well, that's debateable. There are plenty of other successes in your life. Yes, the feeling of accomplishing a goal of a settled down life has been eluding you, but in so many other ways you take the prize!
Too many pieces to pick up? Yes, there are a lot of pieces but you AREN'T Humpty Dumpty. You have all your pieces but they are going to have to fit back together differently than they used to.
Redefine your needs and wants.
What do you need to feel more whole? We all know the answer is not a R, right? A R is a want.
Do you think it's time to put more distance between you and Roger and truly move forward? Personally, I do, but that is just me.
There's nothing that says that if you go on a couple of dates with someone else that there would be no possible future for you and Roger after he gets his own stuff straightened out, right?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I've dated plenty that have lasted that 6 months or so true honeymoon period. I guess I would have said it's more than 1-2 years of figuring things out period. Why would you stay with someone longer than that if you didn't think it was forever?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
And Michelle, have you considered whether the issue might not be whether you are unloveable, but why you keep picking guys who are not capable of committed love? Do you see any patterns in your choices of guys? Do they have their roots in any childhood issues?
The 2 1/2 year one was early in college. When he left for basic training for the Army, we tried to do long distance. Unfortunately, he had his priorities a little backwards. He went 4 weeks without calling me because he used up all his phone time on those Sundays calling his mom. I wrote a couple letters to him about it, and finally broke up with him. That got me a phone call, heh.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
And I've analyzed that to the point of making myself crazy. I've dated as far from my type as I can think of, all over the spectrum. I guess it's fair to say they have all had some childhood issues, but then again, who hasn't? Even with my parents being together and having a relatively stable childhood, it doesn't change the fact that my dad is controlling and overbearing and still causes me grief even after not living at home for 13 years.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Because it is easier than having to get back out there. I certainly don't know very many people that are big fans of change. So things are going along fine but maybe this isn't where you see yourself a couple of years down the road. So do you dump the relationship now or wait until something makes you do it? I bet the majority would wait since the relationship isn't bad it just isn't what you want for life.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
my dad is controlling and overbearing and still causes me grief even after not living at home for 13 years.
So - how do you think this gets reflected in your relationship choices? Do you pick difficult men because they feel familiar? Or men who are critical of you, because by winning them over, you feel like you can win the affirmation you wish you got from your dad?
