"Misery is Optional"

[heartbrokeinsd]

i am sad for his family. very sad. but my anger is what is causing me to want to do this. that i need to watch. it usually gets me in trouble. he should expect a consequence though. you dont mess around with a married woman. that is what is wrong with the world. people do things because they get away with it. i was not raised that way. i believe if you screw up, you pay the price.

[Truegritter]

Two more pennies:

He is not the problem.

What is the reason to tell his W?

Not your job to leach lessons.

The high road?

Yes it is a place you put yourself so you can protect you and your family.

You act in kind expect to get dirty on the muddy road with them.

Who will respect you for this?

More importantly will you respect yourself?

i am not afraid of my W.

Really? what is driving this decision? Fear she won't come back?

What does a cornered, hurt animal do when confronted?

Hurt people, hurt people.

Healing people try very hard to weigh the consequences of their decisons and how they align toward the progress of their goals.

Okay more than $.02

[labug]

But it's not your job to do that. He will pay a price but you may never know what that is.

And he is not the problem, your W made the choice and I think that's the part that hurts so much, you feel like she chose scumbag over you.

Is that where your anger comes from?

Have you read this post? [url=http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=51563&Number=2247416#Post2247416][/url]

[labug]

here, let me make that clickable: click

[heartbrokeinsd]

tg-

thank you. you have a good perspective. i do not want to get "muddy". i am trying very hard to do the right thing. i haave been thinking about this for months. i havent done anything yet. recent events brought it bck up. i do feel cornered and i dont like it. usually i lash out. i am trying not to. if i think on this for at least another day i probably wont get muddy. i really dont believe he is the "problem" just a contributing factor. the main problem is between me and my W. who knows if it will ever get fixed. all i know is i am only doing my share of the work now. i have done to much, for her to do anything. i think that is the main reason for me going dark.

[labug]

I swear I didn't read TG's post before I posted.

[heartbrokeinsd]

well.. another day. another chance to make good decisions. i have important meetings with engineers today. i need to be in a good mood or i could shoot my project in the foot.

i woke up repeatedly last night with bad dreams. i need piece of mind. i think i will only get that if i give up and let go. detach. accept. be happy. i know whatever i do, my W will not change her mind. it is her choice and i have to let her make them. i can only be the best me possible. the best dad possibe. i do believe my M is over. maybe we can start over. i am not holding on to that. my hope for that is gone. i just want my kids to be happy.

i need to read some success stories. maybe that will help my mood.

[Brit45]

thank you for checking in with me last night. It looks like we both got some tough love on our threads. A lot of your comments on this thread from you and others helped me this morning.

I don't think we can fully detach until we give up that hope. I'm working on me. For me.

[heartbrokeinsd]

brit-
tough love can be very helpful. i worry about you. you had a miserable day. i know the feeling. im glad you are feeling better. i fear all is lost for me. i need to accept that. it is hard, but like your dad says, if it was easy everyone would do it.

its good to see you picking yourself up. thats not easy, so it says alot about you. i read every post you make. keep them coming.

[needgrace]

hi hb,

i am sorry you had such a hard night sleeping and had such bad dreams. i think we all have been there.

it is hard to feel good emotionally without rest. i hope your meeting goes well.

((( )))