Is he taking S to doctor? Why would the three of you have to go together? Is this for you?
I am wondering if maybe you need to not be around for a visit or have something else to do when he asks to do something. Not in an unfriendly way, but more in an "I have other plans, maybe another time" kind of way. To help you get off of the 'coaster.
I could puke he's here. He's made mention alluded that he stayed the last two nights at hers and told 2 stories that included her
Wow you are brave@! That would be a boundary of mine. Did your H let you talk about other people? Or did you? I personally would've had to say "I'm sorry H, I'm not comfortable with talking about GF like that" because I don't want to give that relationship validation. I'm not trying to be friends with H either where we talk about other people.
Me& h + S M: 13 t: 14
H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my! I'm done. 12/12
"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
He was coming over to take S to the doctor then hang out. Then when he got here he said do you want to come with us so I went. I was feeling a bit shakey so maybe I should have said no but I really wanted to be there with S.
At the doctor he says something about the back of my skirt being wrinkled and I joke about him looking. He said it isn't like that and I just raised an eyebrow.
Fast forward to us getting home, I suggest we take the dog for a walk. He was in the garage having a look around and says I'm going to get this stuff our of your way it's not fair to you. I tell him it's fine for the moment. Then I say maybe you should just leave it since we both know you're coming back and laugh. he laughs
We take the dog for a walk get into an open field and he says "So I might be moving in with her"
To be honest I can't remember all of what was said. He started chain smoking. I went into a melt down crying at times. I told him my fears that he was drifting into this relationship. That he'd known her all of 3 months. That it makes me feel like I'm easily replaceable. I told him several several times that I felt like if he did this/is doing this that he would never take the time to just look at us, our relationship, and give it another consideration. He went on and on about how horrible our relationship was. I started trying to tell him about things that I'd changed. Then he said the fact is because I slept with a coworker it would never happen. He could never see my coworkers knowing that they know CW and I had a fling. He couldn't get past that. That I slept with someone. UM, 3 months after we split!
And then it was as if the conversation changed. I think because something in me said well then that's it. It's over. I apologized for leaving. He told me he wasn't angry about me leaving. I said you just yelled "YOU LEFT ME" at me a little bit earlier.
He told me over and over that this was unfair to say this to him. That I chose to leave and now I'm angry at him that he won't get back together with me now that I've changed my mind. That I had months of being single and I won't let him do that. He kept saying you can't be angry at me. I told him that I wrestled with feelings that this wasn't a cake and eat it too. That I didn't want what I couldn't have. I told him old Brit would have said something when she tagged him on FB or done something when her car was on my road. (he said sheepishly I didn't think you'd recognize it) I told him that I have tried to be selfless and understanding. He said I like old Brit. and kinda laughed.
I told him it would be easier to just walk away now. That it's harder to admit that maybe you made a mistake. And he said that's true. Brit is a really proud person and you're right it's hard to say that.
He told me that he and I were different people and that she and him were more alike. I almost puked. I was like after 10 weeks! He told me that I was more fun and prettier. And I said I know so why are you okay with not having more fun anymore. And he said it's like the thought of moving home. I love our city but I remember all the bad stuff too and I don't want all that cr&p. And I said and do you think this is fair to her? That you're dating her when you think your wife is prettier, more fun, and you'll always love her. And he paused and said yeah.
I got really angry and I said so I suppose then I'm your mom and she's your step mom. Because me and his mom are a lot alike and his dad's second wife is not as pretty or fun. And he started laughing and said my mom will love hearing that. And I turned around and yelled FU. So then he was like what's the problem? Because he thought I was joking and we were happy.
And I said we were supposed to be each other's happier ever after. and he said I can't do this. I wish I could. It kills me. I miss things about you and about S about our life. I look at pictures and cry. It tears me up late at night when I think about how you're over here regretting your decision but I can't take that away I can't change it.
I told him that I used to regret. But now I know that I had to do it. that we were both miserable and he certainly wasn't going to do it. And he said I was right. I told him I respected him for not jumping right back into the R when I had my Change of Heart. That I wouldn't have respected the relationship. He said that's a weird thing. I pointed out it was actually a big point in our M.
He agreed. I apologized for some of the things that I did in our M. I told him I was sorry that I didn't listen to him. I told him the story of the lunch that he told me made him cry because he felt loved. And I said I thought making lunches for your H was silly. But you were telling me that's what you wanted and I didn't listen. I was looking away and when he answered he was all choked up and he said I kept that foil from the sandwich for months. and he was crying And I said I still have a picture you drew me on placemat for my 28th birthday in my wallet. he said why are you doing this? And I said because we're not uncommon. our problems aren't uncommon and we always liked each other. And he brought up a trip we took years ago and a steamy encounter and I said and we had fun when we to xx and that was just last year and he said that was the only fun week that year.
At some point he told me that he wish he could take all these feelings from me and it's hard to know that I'm hurt. And I said I'm not miserable and he said I know you're not. But I feel like I've already been through all the crying all the sadness and I'm able to talk about this more frankly. (oh I'm able to talk about our M frankly just not about your new relationship but I didn't say that)
I told him over and over not to write us off that's all I'm asking. Don't write us off. He said maybe we could work things out it's just bad timing. And I said why do you say that when you just said you could never get over him. And he said maybe I could I don't know just not right now. Maybe if we lived in another city or something. He said you know I don't plan in advance. Again I said don't write us off and he said never would.
I had made us dinner and we were supposed to watch a show together. And the final line of the show said "let's put away the map that shows all the places we've been and have a new one of everywhere we'll go together" and I said yeah H and elbowed him and laughed. And he rolled his eyes.
I apologized before his left for my outbursts and told him I wasn't mad at him. He gave me a very long warm hug and kissed me on the cheek.
Few things: -he said one of the main reasons he was moving in with her was money. (this may have been to soften the blow) In the past he has always had women solve his problems. I suggested he get a roommate. I said don't you realize you move out of one girl's place and into anothers. He said I'm making my own decisions. (yeah to do what you always freakin do)
-he kinda said he was using her for money. Then he took it back and said that he was only saying that to soften the blow to me. Even if that's only half way sorta true I don't like that about him.
-he told me he didn't know how I was affording things. He said he's in the hole with him mom every month. okay so we're both on strict budgets. But his bills got REDUCED. mine went up! What have I done? stopped having as many nights out, quit smoking, made a meal plan...not borrow money from my family (this was always a prob in the M)
-he obviously is still angry about me leaving says it was my decision and now I'm changing it. So even though he admits he wasn't happy, and doesn't believe that we could then or now fix things..this is still all my fault/choice
-the CW thing. He's sleeping with someone now. But because I did it first it's over? he said I always said if you sleep with someone it's over. Really? I don't remember him ever saying that. Granted while we were married yeah, but not while we're separated and not sharing a bed and I'm dating.
-he seems to think that this is my turn to hurt and cry and mourn like he did while I was the WAW. Only I never knew. I told him how much it tore me apart that he never said anything. That he didn't care that I dated that we split up. That even when we had a "last ditch date" he told me I'd do good on the singles market because I'm really pretty. That he came home, told me his coworkers was like you're okay with her dating while ya'll are living together and he was like yeah it's fine. I said it was a nail in my coffin of he never really loved me. And it tore me up! And he said I knew if I said anything I'd just get yelled at. I was tired of getting yelled at.
So at the end of this horrific day two things have happened...I'm not sure I like who he is or who he's become because many things haven't changed and I'm pretty sure he's never going to get over the CW or any of my behaviour as a WAW.
Brit, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I went back and read your first post about your sitch. It sounds to me like you had some legitimate issues. It also sounds like you tried to get your H to work on things with you.
Can I ask, what turned things around for you? What made you change your mind and want him back? Aren't you afraid you're going to be right back where you were before even if you do reconcile? I'm just asking because I don't want my sitch to be like yours, but I really don't see how mine can be salvaged.
He changed his attitude. I felt like I was going to lose him and that made me re evaluate. I started seeing my own issues rather than just being angry with him. I felt like we should have worked on things. I don't know.
Yes things might be the same. Things might be worse. Things might be better. Can you really live in fear? And that stop you from taking the chance? To me I thought I can't look back and say I wish I would have said hang on wait a minute. I was more afraid of not admitting my feelings then letting it slip away and say we wouldn't work.
and maybe that's my problem I always live in hope. I always dream. If I had more lines in the sand like him it would be easier to say..yep I did x,y,z so that's it. Instead of thinking anything is possible.
Brit (hugs) Don't believe what he says (what is that, don't believe what he says, and half of what he does?) Now is your time to keep up your db'ing. What did your friend say, 'it may take a year?' Are you in it for the long haul?
Me& h + S M: 13 t: 14
H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my! I'm done. 12/12
"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
