i can only hope the meeting goess well. the engineer is very tough to deal with. but if i think its going to go good, chances are it will. i did good work and have nothing to be ashamed of. i am good at what i do.
the dreams will stop. they have to sometime. i hate this cycle i am on. it has to get better. if i am still going through this it means i havent accepted it. not contacting W is the hardest thing i have ever done. i dont see how it is going to have any positive outcome. she likes pursuit. OM is pursuing her and she loves it. what i have been doing isnt working, so i guess this is worth a shot.
this is my last option i think. at least i will know i tried everyting. not like that will make the hurt go away. i am slowly getting my confidence back. i just need to shut up when i am around my W.
i am scared about going to jail tomorrow. i wont see my kids. i am scared about what she will be doing. that is something i need to let go of. i dont control her. i never did. i need to stop trying now. what ever comes of this is meant to be i guess.
i have the fear of never being loved again. i know my kids love me, but its different. i feel like a failure. i still am not sure what all my bad behaviors were in my W's eyes. that scares me. if i dont know what she saw, how do i fix it?
I would talk to her about the kids and discuss how to handle your incarceration with them. Both of you have to be on the same page about this.
Stay strong. You can do this. How long are you in for again?
Just real quick about the exposing to the OM's W issue. It's not a matter of punishing your W or the OM. It's showing concern for the OM's W. Or for those who are against this, if your spouse was cheating on you behind your back, would you want to know?
Hang in there man we are all here for you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
just found out i dont go to jail tomorrow. they dont have room. i have 26 days with work release. hopefully i can do work there too, and get some time knocked off.
we have talked about the kid stuff. i will call them every night. no visiting them. i agree. it is really hard on them. plus i could lose my work release if im caught not at work.
on the OM's W. i do want to tell her. i just think its mostly for selfish reasons. although i do feel really bad for her. then there is the negative outcomes. he lies to her and my W and i look like an a$$. she starts trouble at work with my W and she loses her job. She leaves scumbag and then my W has him like she wants. W gets very mad and runs even more to him. Sees it as me controlling.
only positive i see is, the W might be able to stop what i cant. i do blame this R between W and OM alot for our problems. we ave always worked it out before. she didnt drop the bomb until a month after this started between them. i know my part, but i dont think it would be quite as bad. maybe it would be.
Just real quick about the exposing to the OM's W issue. It's not a matter of punishing your W or the OM. It's showing concern for the OM's W. Or for those who are against this, if your spouse was cheating on you behind your back, would you want to know?
since...like alot of us here are here because of this...the answer will be quite high.
Would I want to know?
I figure I would if she was after everything? Yeah, not going to ignore the clues or gut, and bury my head in the sand.
On that note...OM here has already done it twice? Either the wife knows, chooses not too, or is a blissfully ignorant person.
If Dakota does it, or does not he will have a basis for either supporting it or not supporting it in the future.
He has valid reason for doing it, and valid reasons against it.
Dakota, if you choose to: Ok. If you choose not to: Ok.
It's your life, hindsight will provide clarity you are currently missing.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I've got another positive. You're helping the OM's W and their children. IMHO she has a right to know that she may be in danger of catching a STD or that the savings that could be used for their kids' college fund is being used on other women.
See you're still thinking about it in terms of yourself and how it will impact you. I say forget about that. This woman is innocent and in danger of catching something deadly. If you say this guy is a serial cheater then she has a right to be concerned.
Of course that's just me.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
i do blame this R between W and OM alot for our problems. we ave always worked it out before. she didnt drop the bomb until a month after this started between them. i know my part, but i dont think it would be quite as bad. maybe it would be
Dakota,
either you are a horrible judge of character...meaning the woman you decided to marry and she was never any good...in which case the above is true.
OR the Affair is a symptom of a greater problem.
Neither option is a pleasant one.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
the info i have is from my W. she has told stories about 2 other women at work who were going thru D and he was there "as a Friend". thats what she told me was going on with them. so if i take what she said and applied it the way it is now, there have been others. i know this type of guy. once upon a time i was him. minus the being M and having a family. i knew how to lie to women to get what i wanted. what he is saying is textbook.
my W has already taken everything. not there was alot. i dont know what im going to do. i want to fight for my marriage. but fighting has gotten me nowhere. i am very conflicted. i want to do whats right. tell her. i also think its because i am being selfish. i am also throwing my values away not telling her. i want stuff not to get worse with my W and that is also selfish
What if there was a third option on the tell don't tell debate. Either OM will leave his W for your W and she'll find out. Or it will end on its own and you can then decide to tell.
I think this internal debate isn't helping you detach. Now you're not only concerned with your R, the R of W and OM but also OM's M
i think it is both. this is the 3rd EA. she says it was never like how i say it. it doesnt matter. talking to other men while you are married and hiding it, is wrong. call it whatever. this one has gotten serious.
also i know i am partly to blame for not giving her what she needed. i am not saying what she did is ok. just that i have a part
you have a good point. there are so many options, and no i am not very good at detaching. i love my wife. i do. at the same time, i dont know if i can love her like this. i am not going to sit around and deal with this. it is eating me alive. i need to make a choice.
