Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
#2246758 05/19/12 10:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
ok. so this is my new thread. i am trying something new. i am sick of being miserable, being a victim, whatever.. if i don't make the decision to change my attitude i will stay stuck in this rut. so here goes..

1st thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2239038#Post2239038

2nd thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2243818#Post2243818


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
Way to go HB...it is time to control of our lives and stop living in the past, good for you man. Having sort of a rough day myself...just couldn't get myself out and about. frown But tomorrow is another day and I plan on getting up and getting out...tomorrow is a new day...wish me luck. I'm actually gonna give church a try in the morning...a big 180 for me.

Good luck to you as well my friend. Stay strong, stay positive...this to shall pass.

TD


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
td-

some days are diamonds some sure arent. im tryin to get to the diamonds. i felt the same way as you today. forced myself to go look for a bed. that was depressing.

i like your 180. i havent been to church since i was 13. in my aa programs they talk about havin a higher power. i always believed in god, but found every excuse not to go. so i figured if im gonna need god for this, which i know i do, i better put in the work. in feb. i started going to church. i always thought that catholic church seemed cool for some reason. my W is catholic, but that is not why i wanted to go to that church. we had never been together. so one sunday i took the kids to church. it felt like the father was speaking to me. i sensed the peace, and i desparately needed that. i haave not missed a mass since.

if you go with an open mind, it is amazing what you can learn and feel. i am not saying church is where god is, but i sure feel his presence there. i like it.

good luck to you. it is so nice to know that i am not alone in my struggle. this will pass. that i am sure of.


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 513
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 513
I'm also planning to go to church tomorrow. I've considered myself a Buddhist for a long time, but I'm going to check out a Unitarian church.
I had a friend recommend it to me a year ago and I wasn't brave enough to go on my own until now. But my 180 is to go out there and face my fears, so I need to find a community of people with similar beliefs.

I'm hoping that will make me feel less alone. At the very least I will have done something no one would have expected from me.


M36 XH34
M-5 T7
4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
H files 4/13
D 6/18/13
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
sbr-

not sure what unitarian is. not like it matters. as long as it is a place you will feel comfortable, that is good. it is nice to be around people of the same views.

facing fears is tough. i am horrible at it. no more. i am going to put my all into it. i dont like being afraid. before, i would ignore my fears, then i thought i wasnt afraid. i see now, that i was actually being as afraid as it comes by not standing up to them. if i recognize my fears, own them and do something about them, i will no longer be afraid.

i am glad to hear you are doing something for you. who cares whaat others think!


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,698
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,698
Originally Posted By: Dakota

-have my W invite me to do something with her.
-get my W to laugh or smile


All good goals except these two about your W. You don't control them.

And you need to stop watching her if you are going to reach your other goals.


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
My dilemma is that my W and I got married in a local Methodist church anf it's where we've always gone if we did go. I know she doesn't go that often and I like the church but her family goes pretty often so not sure if that's a good idea to go there. I grew up Roman Catholic and thought about visiting a couple of local ones to get a feel for it. I think I "left" the Catholic church because of all the pomp and "guilt". blush But I do love the mass itself and the feel of it all. Methodists seem a bit more laid back and it feels a bit more comfortable. I don't know, what you all think...I guess i could always go to another Methodist church...but the one we go to has a very long tradition (since 1830) and it's a very beautiful place.

Part of me thinks that going to the same church as W's family will help in some way...bad TD, bad...anti-DB, I know.


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
tg-

once again, you are right. i do need to stop worrying about her. those i guess would be wants, not goals. if i keep looking for my W to do something, i will always be stuck. i really dont like my behavior right now. its because i am focusing on her, not myself. no more. the switch has flipped, so to speak.

i would like to thank you for the things you have given me to think about. if i didnt think about that stuff, i would still be 100% in crybaby land. thank you


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 714
today is going to be a good day. going to church with the kids now. then W is coming over to take half their stuff to her house. i am not going to be dragged into a fight with her. i am goin to be happy. no matter what. act as if, for now.


m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 934
Hey - this may be too late but that if you were detached you wouldn't worry about running into her family at their church. Go and enjoy your experience there if that's what you like - I don't think that's anti-DB. If you want to go somewhere else, do that. What do YOU want to do? That is the DB question.

Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard