The L is highly recommended in her profession. If it actually comes down to D, my case would be pretty cut and dry. No matter what anyone says, i will fight for my marriage until there is nothing else I can do. I've made peace with myself that no matter what, it will make me be able to live my life to know that I never gave up... No matter what she does.
Well as long as you know what YOUR priority is, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I walked into my L's office and said "I know you are in the business of divorces, I'm in the business of keeping this marriage together, but I need to know some facts" and that's how the entire meeting went. I felt confident and it was the best money I spent.
If you think it's worth it, then it is. And that's all that matters.
Me& h + S M: 13 t: 14
H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my! I'm done. 12/12
"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
1702 - see my post inside of the comment block. My comments are in red font. Be sure to scroll all the way through for additional comments that are buried within the comment block.
Originally Posted By: 1702
I am at a very difficult place with the next days coming up. I am trying to convince my wife to attend a personal session with Michele under the assumption that I am doing this to move on with my life, when, in reality, I want her to have an awakening and work on and save our marriage. My wife is completely on the fence whether to go or not. She says she doesn't think it is a good idea because making a trip with her will only hurt me more.
Do you see that by "trying to convince..." that you are actually driving her further away? It is great that you "want her to have an awakening" but that will not happen as long as you try to force the issue. So you really need to back off, a lot!!!!
My other issues are that I am supposed to consult with a lawyer this week because she told me over three weeks ago that she was having D papers drawn up for me to sign. When I told her that I would not sign anything to signify ending our marriage, she told me her supposed lawyer said there was no sense writing anything up if I wasn't going to sign anyways.
If you don't want to D then don't do anything to facilitate the process. Sit tight and let your W do all the work. You may find that she is full of bravado and not ready herself to pull the trigger. The gift of time is just that, a gift. And you can buy yourself time by pulling way back and stopping the pursuit.
When my W first dropped the bomb she was ready to accelerate the process because she was "DONE". Yet here I am 8 months later and although I feel like I am in limbo land, I'm not divorced and although we are still estranged, we at least get along considerably better than immediately following the bomb.
I am convinced that had I continued to pursue, we'd be well on our way towards a D. So use this information as a frame of reference for your own sitch.
I feel that I am definitely at the LRT stage, and am hoping my DB coach will help tomorrow. I want to make sure to remain close enough to have the personal sessions with Michele still and option, but I don't want to seem too pushy.
I'm glad you have a sessions scheduled. I'm sure it will go well. Make a list of topics you want to cover and be concise. You have limited time with the coach and it is important that you make efficient use of your time.
She seems relieved when she doesn't have to deal with any of this. Almost out of sight, out of mind!
Evidence ^^^ that she needs space. Stop the pursuit and give her the space she needs. With time, she may settle down some and you will have a chance to work on those all important 180's.
BTW, what 180's are you working on?
Other issue is that even though we are very similar financially, I am left with sleeping on couch at my mother's. Basically, the $$ i have put into the mortgage, remodeling projects, and typical house stuff won't be returned until she gets what she wants, that is signing the papers, which I have no idea if she really had drawn up.
You seem skeptical that your W is actually pursuing legal action. So why not live your life as if she hasn't and that you now have time, time, time to get your ducks in a row, (i.e. work on your changes/180's, get a life for yourself and give your W as much space as she needs, and then some).
I have alot going on this week and am so very hopeful I can get some kind of a break!
Plus I miss my daughter. I haven't seen her in two weeks and when I brought up about if I am ever going to see her again, she said probably not because it would only cause more pain, Mind you, she is my step daughter. This is the first time I have referred to her as that because, in actuality, she is my Daughter!
Why not work on some sort of visitation schedule so that you can have time with your D? Draw up something that you think is fair and present it to your W and see how she reacts. If she is not agreeable, ask her to draw up one herself or make changes. There is nothing wrong with asking. But do so with no expectations attached to the outcome this way you protect yourself emotionally.
You've got a long road ahead of you. If you play your cards right, you just might have a chance but it is important to know that there are no guarantees. So the best thing for you to do is to focus on YOU. Work on your changes and pull way back for your W. Give her plenty of space and get a life.
Keep posting and we'll be here to help you every step of the way.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
She is hurting and so she is convincing herself. Right now there's a lot of confusion on both your part. Stop talking to her about the R, don't bring it up, and try with all your heart to stop having expectations. Every single day make a concious effort to redirect your thoughts when you start thinking about her. It will get easier. Don't try to understand, don't snoop on her FB page or try to find out info from friends or family members.
What are you doing to GAL? What are you doing for you? Make yourself your priority.
2, I'll try to respond to everything but I wanted to make sure I get to this asap. My daughter is actually my step daughter. I think of her as my own. But when I asked my W if i was ever going to see her again, she said probably not. There is nothing I can do. It is totally up to her if I get to see SD. In the last couple months when we did have contact, I think my W feels pressured when SD and I are together because the bond she and I have together. And I think it makes her feel even more guilty of what she is doing.
Married a little over a year SD is almost 5. We actually have been married twice to each other. Got married in hospital before my father died in Jan11 had "big" wedding june11. ILYBNILWY in dec11
I get that but even though you were "married" twice, it still comes down to how long you've been married. As far as I'm concerned your W has serious mental health issues and removing her D away from you seems pretty cruel.
How long were you dating?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
