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#2244222 - 05/10/12 10:58 AM Re: Rollercoaster...of love...Trying to get to the top [Re: AprilT]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Thor & Hawkeye are the only reasons I went to see the movie. LOL
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2244224 - 05/10/12 11:01 AM Re: Rollercoaster...of love...Trying to get to the top [Re: RoRoinMD]
wishing, hoping Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 2755
Loc: Wisconsin
I'm with you, Ro. It's hard not to get caught up in the "A". My H is acting like a teenager. I could use some advice/encouragement as well.
_________________________
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
"No matter where you go, there you are"

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#2244227 - 05/10/12 11:16 AM Re: Rollercoaster...of love...Trying to get to the top [Re: wishing, hoping]
AprilT Offline
Member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 127
Loc: Georgia
Ladies I will tell you what works for me. I tell myself and others every day that I am doing just fine. I figure eventually it will become truth. And some days it really is. I also GAL A LOT!!! I mean a lot.

Some days I am ready to file and just get it over with, and other days I am like why....he is in another state and living the good life with the OW, so what is the rush on my part. Plus I am in full blown finding a job for next school year mode. That seemed more important than starting a nasty D procedure right now.

I am moving further and further each day away from what was, and envisioning what could be. I just read an article on seeking approval from others. It really rang true. Here is part of it:

Harriet says, "The realization came to me a couple of weeks ago that I have been living out everybody else's expectations for me. It's human nature that my friends want me to heal, and I had tried over time to convince them I was okay. I realize now that I was trying to get their stamp of approval that I was okay and that I was healing. I did this by buying into their expected response of 'I don't love my husband anymore.' What I didn't reckon with is the fact that there is nothing wrong with me still loving my husband. In fact, a year later, a year after we've separated, I still love my husband very much."

You cannot make decisions based on the approval of others. You will only add to your stress and fatigue if you try to live up to the expectations of others. Reset your own expectations to a level you can cope with, and focus your energy on keeping within your own standards. This will help to free you emotionally
[i]
[/i]

We all have our own time-lines. Some are shorter or longer than others. What I am discovering is that I have to be the one to decide what MY time-line is. Not what others think it should be, no matter how well intentioned their efforts are.

Hope that helps a little.

P.S. I am liking me some Thor and Hawkeye as well!!! Made the movie a MUST SEE!!!

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#2244229 - 05/10/12 11:18 AM Re: Rollercoaster...of love...Trying to get to the top [Re: AprilT]
AprilT Offline
Member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 127
Loc: Georgia
Also, I still believe in miracles....S in full blown A do realize the mistakes they have made, and the lives they have shattered. The real question is.....how long are you willing to wait???

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#2244238 - 05/10/12 11:43 AM Re: Rollercoaster...of love...Trying to get to the top [Re: AprilT]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Yes, I still believe in miracles!

I totally agree with your article post. I do have friends who are tell me I should kick H out, along with a bunch of other things. I told them I have my own timeline. They don't understand why I'm doing what I'm doing, but have been mostly supportive.

April & WH - Both of your H are out of the house right? (Need to re-read up on your sitch) My H still lives at home, and mostly acts like nothing is happening. It's very hard to have some hope, but keep expecations low when it's in your face every single day.

I don't know how long I'm willing to wait. I ask myself that every day.
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2244241 - 05/10/12 11:49 AM Re: Rollercoaster...of love...Trying to get to the top [Re: RoRoinMD]
AprilT Offline
Member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 127
Loc: Georgia
Ro I have lived with your sitch before...with H still living in the home. We were like 2 strangers. Never speaking except to fight, having cold silences, and just an air of ickiness! It is tough I will agree. He is not in the home now...thank God, and that has made it easier for me.


What I am learning now is when its time, you will just know....
I will need to re-read your sitch but tell me again, why will he not move out??

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#2244261 - 05/10/12 12:45 PM Re: Rollercoaster...of love...Trying to get to the top [Re: AprilT]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Originally Posted By: AprilT
Ro I have lived with your sitch before...with H still living in the home. We were like 2 strangers. Never speaking except to fight, having cold silences, and just an air of ickiness! It is tough I will agree. He is not in the home now...thank God, and that has made it easier for me.


What I am learning now is when its time, you will just know....
I will need to re-read your sitch but tell me again, why will he not move out??


That's the thing. We get along great. The past few weeks, it's been like old times. Lots of kisses and hugs and I love yous. But then my brain starts working and I start thinking about his A and the fact that even if he hasn't seen her in months (according to him) he's still in contact with her, which he admitted. But still living at home with me as my H. And then the words that are floating around in my head come out of my mouth (like last night), and here we are.

Me wondering why I'm still DBing when he won't stop his A. There's been plenty of posts on this board saying nothing I do will have any effect until the A stops. So am I just spinning my wheels?
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

Top
#2244266 - 05/10/12 12:51 PM Re: Rollercoaster...of love...Trying to get to the top [Re: RoRoinMD]
wishing, hoping Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 2755
Loc: Wisconsin
My H is still at home but he has moved into the spare bedroom which is good and bad at the same time. I never asked him to move, but it happened after the A was uncovered and I know he was just too ashamed to share a room with me.

H cannot afford to move out. Friends tell me I should kick him out, but I can't do it. Where would he go? Kids would blame me. And frankly it is harder to DB if we live separately.

We occasionally talk, but I do not initiate. He can be moody or joking depending on the day. I will tell you the dynamic has changed. Before I was walking on eggshells around him, but now he seems to be walking on eggshells around me. I don't think he needs to, but I think it's part of the shame.
_________________________
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
"No matter where you go, there you are"

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#2244269 - 05/10/12 12:56 PM Re: Rollercoaster...of love...Trying to get to the top [Re: wishing, hoping]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Originally Posted By: wishing, hoping
My H is still at home but he has moved into the spare bedroom which is good and bad at the same time. I never asked him to move, but it happened after the A was uncovered and I know he was just too ashamed to share a room with me.

H cannot afford to move out. Friends tell me I should kick him out, but I can't do it. Where would he go? Kids would blame me. And frankly it is harder to DB if we live separately.

We occasionally talk, but I do not initiate. He can be moody or joking depending on the day. I will tell you the dynamic has changed. Before I was walking on eggshells around him, but now he seems to be walking on eggshells around me. I don't think he needs to, but I think it's part of the shame.


WH, there's definitely shame on my H's part. He avoids everyone from our church, and most of my friends. This weekend will be the first time he'll be around my family since I found out about his A. I'm interested to see how it goes.

My coach advised me to act like his girlfriend (that's what he sees in OW)so that's what I've been doing. Not sure if it's been working or not. We need to create some kind of DB scale so that we know when something is working and when it's not.
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

Top
#2244272 - 05/10/12 01:03 PM Re: Rollercoaster...of love...Trying to get to the top [Re: RoRoinMD]
wishing, hoping Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 2755
Loc: Wisconsin
So how do you act like his girlfriend without pursuing? Fill me in! : )
_________________________
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
"No matter where you go, there you are"

Top
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