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[ces67]

Journaling...

Another somewhat normal evening. S13 had a bunch of friends over to spend the night. W was in the kitchen making cookie dough with D10. I was nearby reading.

W took time to involve me. She asked for my help with things and prompted conversation. Since the bomb, W typically would instruct the kids to do things for her and ignore me. Tonight was different. She didn't direct either. She actually asked. So I got to help some.

Out of the blue W also made the comment that she is very glad she has been able to be a stay home mom. She mentioned that she realizes many women would prefer to have career but for her, being home with our kids has been what she has always wanted. I validated and said that I was thankful for it as well and believed the kids enjoyed it also as she has always been able to be that their activities. I also said how it had helped me with my job knowing she was taking care of things as well.

I'm cooking lunch for mothers day. Grilling steak. Was going to try a blue cheese topping but w said she needed to stay away from that right now, so I'll stick with sautéed mushrooms to top her steak. W also mentioned that she would like for the family (yes, all of us) to go for a bike ride if the weather was nice.

Good signs and after almost 2 years of this, I feel like I can better control the pace of things. No rushing this. This has to be at her pace and a step back could happen at any minute. The more emotional my response, the worse it is. So off to enjoy the day and be thankful for good stuff and no expectations of where it may lead.

(the previous statements, while true and accurate are also a personal pep talk to remind myself of all these things and should not be interpreted as me having all this down as simple activities.....:) )

[2thepoint]

CES, I really like the progress that seems to be occurring in your sitch. Slow and steady.....

[ces67]

Thanks 2! And just to add to it, After W got up this morning she talked to me about our S13 ignoring some boundaries we had set for him. 2 positives of this is first, she told me about it and 2nd, she wanted us both to talk to him together.

With each positive step, I remind myself to not have expectations but be thankful. I'm slow but its sinking in....

[vera be fierce]

CES - enjoy your meal tomorrow. Sounds like you have a lot to be thankful for!

Although I could not help with the blue cheese topping, I would recommend sauteeing the mushrooms with some sliced onions and a bit of garlic and butter on low heat until they soften (at least 20-30 minutes, if you can plan ahead). I always thought that was tasty on top of steak

[ces67]

Thanks V, My W said she'd pass on the blue cheese because of her diet but did want sauteed mushrooms so I'll take care of that. Thanks for the recipe. That does sound better than just butter!

I also got some fresh oysters that I'll grill. Checked a local restaurant she likes and they make them will a garlic, parmesion chipotle seasoning so I grabbed that stuff and will figure out how to put it all together!

[ces67]

OK, have to say I just had one of the best weekends I've had in over 2 years....and I'm still holding off on expectations...

Mother's day was a blast for us all. We got up & went to church together and then came home for lunch. While I did most of the cooking, my W helped out and it was actually really nice to work together. The steaks turned out great and our first attempt at grilling oysters on the half-shell was a huge success! They were delicious and even the kids liked them!

After lunch, I cleaned up the kitchen and then we all went to a huge park and did a family bike ride for about 45 minutes. This same park has a massive playground with rope courses and all kinds of things. So we went there and all played together. I got some really fun pictures of my W on the rope course with our kids along with going down big slides.

We laughed & joked the whole time.

Then we went home and relaxed the rest of the evening. At bedtime as we were putting the kids to bed my W thanked me for a great day and I even got a hug. And this morning as I got to work, I got a text from her saying "Thanks for a great mother's day! It really was a nice day!"

Its also settling in that the more relaxed I am about this and hold back any pushing the more it helps. Things are taking positive steps and I have to let it happen at her pace.

I can be thankful for this moment without expecting what will come next... Now to keep my simple little brain from forgetting this fact!

[2thepoint]

THUMBS UP for CES!!!

[labug]

That's what I like to hear!

[sayitaintso]

I can be thankful for this moment without expecting what will come next... Now to keep my simple little brain from forgetting this fact!

So happy for you CES.

I had a similar experience this weekend as well and am doing my best not to overanalyze. Had a fantastic mothers day w/ w and kids and she was extremely greatful for what I did and did a few things that she hasn't done in over a year.

I'm not sure if it means anything so I am trying to just enjoy if for what it was as you seem to be.

Your doing what works, keep it up.

[ces67]

Thanks SAIS, Bug & 2! Its very good news and its made for a really enjoyable weekend & start to the week.

I'm having to check myself often though. The urge to just ramping up the interactions is very tempting but I'm working to mirror her pace while being very positive.

Truth is I just want to take her in my arms every time she smiles at me but I'm holding myself back so as not to create undue pressure.

I leave tomorrow for a business trip and will be away from Wednesday and won't be back until the following Tuesday. It will be interesting to see how we keep in communication while I'm gone. I can already feel myself "hoping" for an "absense makes the heart grow fonder" scenario and and nipping that in the bud!

There are a few things I wish would happen goign forward like her coming back to our bedroom at nights, like starting counseling and being open about our finances and working together. But I realize this has to be her pace and the steps she's taken are tremendous on her part and so I choose to be thankful for what has happened rather than worry about what has not.

SAIS - How have things been post-mother's day for you? Are you seeing any of the positives continue?