This is my journey

[~ kd ~]

I noticed you asked Brit to check out an email from your W and figured I'd stop in, myself...

You know the canned response... whether your W is MLC or not, the work is the same...

But I would personally state that your W's email sounds very clear to me. There does not appear to be any confusion about how she feels things were and appears to be owning her portion of responsibility... in fact, it appears that your W has done some good introspective work...

The work is the same, but unlike MLC you have great opportunity to shine, RIGHT NOW!

Become a man that only a fool would leave... but become that man because it will benefit YOU and may also benefit whom ever might be your partner in life in the future... and your W WILL notice... and maybe... she might choose to not be a fool...

[Valeska19]

and by man - he means WO-man.

[~ kd ~]

oh geeze! I think I'm blushing! Thanks Val! Sorry NG! *blush*

[needgrace]

LOL Kaffe Diem! No worries, that was too funny. I did the same thing myself when Cadet had me check out a sitch. Thank you for stopping in.

I know she sounds clear and introspective... and parts of it I buy and own.

But it is so hard for me to imagine that she spent the last 10 years working hard to love me. It never ever felt like that. It felt totally the opposite actually. (I am reading Pia Mellody's Facing Love Addiction and think I am finding some of the answers there.)

I do feel like we both lost ourselves. I do feel like she felt rejected (some of it my fault, some of it her childhood stuff.)

I know I aggravated things by pleading, asking her to go to therapy...

I am staying dark and giving her and our M into God's hands. I do want her to be happy, no matter what that means.

[needgrace]

Thank you, Brit. You are a sweetheart!

I do think that I have not done well at giving her space.

I definitely aggravated things along the way which further entrenched her desire to break away.

I know she needs to walk this path to see where it leads.

I know that it is my choice to stand or not.

I believe that NC is best for me and for any hope that I still have about us.

I am having a hard time believing what she said about the past. It really hits my insecurities to hear that she had to work at loving me.. I need to work on that. I need to believe that I am loveable and that her issues w/ loving me are her issues.

For now, I need to play, laugh and enjoy my life as much as I can while I heal. Thank you all for your support.

[~ kd ~]

LOL Kaffe Diem! No worries, that was too funny. I did the same thing myself when Cadet had me check out a sitch. Thank you for stopping in.

But it is so hard for me to imagine that she spent the last 10 years working hard to love me. It never ever felt like that. It felt totally the opposite actually. (I am reading Pia Mellody's Facing Love Addiction and think I am finding some of the answers there.)

If it wasn't for my W's MLC (like) behaviours now... She was probably on her way to being a WAS... and then "crises" kicked in... who knows, maybe the trauma of the WAS stuff was part of the MLC trigger...

But, as was mentioned... it is how your W feels. And as much as YOU know... she probably felt she was working on it, when in reality she was doing "stuff" and hoping you'd return in kind... and you were, at the time, doing the same... there were expectations...

Now YOU know the difference... do... to do... without expectations... but she doesn't get it... and until life teaches her that lesson, well... it's up to you to BE that person...

make sense?

Do... and be a positive example... and a great person, to boot...

[Cadet]

Love is a choice.

She does not realize that and thinks that it is a feeling.
Her feelings are upside down and inside out right now.
She has no way to make sense of her feelings because she has NO LOVE inside her right now.
She might fool herself into thinking that she has love for an OW but it is FALSE.
Her PAIN will not go away.
I can only say TRUST the PROCESS and let her GO.
If she belongs to you she will be back if not she was never YOURS to begin with.

[needgrace]

Thank you Cadet.

Do I stay NC or do I send her a note thanking her for sharing her feelings and wishing her well?

[Cadet]

Personally I would stay NC but it truly does not matter.
Nothing that you can DO right now is going to change anything.
You need to protect yourself (financially) and your own heart.
BTW I am hoping you got the message I sent you? I got yours.
Do whatever you want and have NO EXPECTATIONS.
I will also add in as far as her seeming so clear and resolute.
I believe that is just part of her script.
For right now.
See what she seems like down the road.

[StubbornDyke]

NG, if it makes you feel any better, I've heard the same kinds of things from P in the last few months.

Hang in there. ((()))