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#2244121 - 05/09/12 10:45 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: labug]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
i have been reading your post a couple of times. processing it through. ack!! La.. why do you always have to be so.. so right?? jk. thank you for writing this. i really learn so much when i read what others have to say. it forces me to consider things i wouldn't otherwise think about.
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2244166 - 05/10/12 03:18 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: labug]
NLW Offline
Member

Registered: 09/08/11
Posts: 1272
Originally Posted By: labug
I'm trying to detach from my "drugs of choice" anger, victimhood, righteous indignation, outrage and see what it's like to accept each person in my life just as they are, just as god made them. Those "drugs" kept me hopped up for so long, I loved that high of being right and in control, using my mind to cut someone down to size. But when the high was gone, I was left with me...just another scared, unhappy junkie looking for another hit.


labug,
This is so insightful; I'm in awe of your ability to understand your own patterns and describe them in ways that can make such a difference to others struggling with similar issues.

Just wanted to let you know how much you've helped me with this.

Best, NLW.

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#2244267 - 05/10/12 12:52 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: NLW]
jbnati Offline
Member

Registered: 02/26/11
Posts: 2742
Loc: Cincinnati
Originally Posted By: labug

I'm trying to detach from my "drugs of choice" anger, victimhood, righteous indignation, outrage and see what it's like to accept each person in my life just as they are, just as god made them. Those "drugs" kept me hopped up for so long, I loved that high of being right and in control, using my mind to cut someone down to size.


I know what you mean, labug. However, if you can detach from this and truly accept each person as they are, there is a lot of freedom to be found. smile
_________________________
BITS
Me:46 / W:47 / M:19 / T:21 / S13
Bomb#1: 5/8/2008
MC: 5/2008 - 4/2010
Bomb#2: 2/10/2011
W moves out 5/7/2011

'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' - Matt. 19:26

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#2245022 - 05/14/12 09:59 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: jbnati]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7830
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Well, I thought I was detached...

And then I got no acknowledgement on Mother's Day. Yes, it was an expectation. He had emailed me a Happy Mother's Day last year and we were S then. And I am still the mother of his children and a very good one, I might add. (Yes, they remembered.)

I'm hurting and I want to email him something hurtful...but I won't. I don't know that I could hurt him,

I'm not going to mind-read about why, I have to be OK with not knowing why or at least not speculating.

Help me walk through this.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2245032 - 05/14/12 10:19 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: labug]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 983
((((((Bug)))))))))

His mistake. Not yours. Glad your sons remembered you on this day.

You're absolutely right about not e-mailing him. Regardless of the hurt, it won't help you.

Whether or not your H remembers has no bearing on how great a Mom you are. Don't let his screw-up take that from you!

Maybe go shoot something??? smile
_________________________
Me:44, W:43
S:15, D:11
M:21, T:24
Bomb: July 2010
Stopped MC for 2nd time late summer 2013
Dropping the rope...

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#2245034 - 05/14/12 10:21 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: ces67]
AprilT Offline
Member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 127
Loc: Georgia
Put his picture up as your target at the local gun range....I tell ya it works miracles for any pent up agression....Just sayin.


Hang in there sweetie. I know it hurts.

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#2245036 - 05/14/12 10:30 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: AprilT]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7830
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Thanks, for the ideas.

I need to get back to work on my internal boundaries.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2245052 - 05/14/12 11:16 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: labug]
needgrace Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 1319
Big hugs, bug

Many things go through my head about your H and yesterday. Could he be wanting to see how you respond? Could he not be detached enough to send a card?

But my concern is not him, but you... Please take good care of yourself today, bug.

((( )))
_________________________
Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"not happy" 7/11
W moves out/back in/out 11/11
W wants to R: 3 weeks in 2/12
OW confirmed: 4/12
D filed: 10/12
D final: 8/13

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#2245056 - 05/14/12 11:35 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: needgrace]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7830
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Thanks, I'm off to my regular IC appt!
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2245061 - 05/14/12 11:44 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: labug]
Brit45 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/12
Posts: 1108
Originally Posted By: labug

I think there's something to be said for "going to ground" to process things. I'm trying to develop that skill. I acted out based on my emotions far too many times for far too long...and here I am. I think you use your humor to deflect the deep feelings this is bringing up in you and I understand it's difficult to un-guard your heart as you might be hurt again.
...


this is so true. It's amazing to be able to see it and make a concious effort to change it. I just saw it as me stopping acting crazy. Waiting the 24 hours before I text some nastiness. I do use humor as a shield. I think so many of us do. I've always appreciated the advice you've given me and reading your thread has been really wonderful today. thank you!

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