Wow, E, see what happens when you post on my thread out of the blue? Things start to happen!
That certainly could have turned out a lot differently. This turned into a conversation about the logistics of a D via text to a very civil and open conversation with me being able to state clearly where I stand and what I want. In addition, I'm hoping it opened her eyes a bit to what's in front of her and how she can grow herself. Honestly, I think it was one of the best conversations we've had in a long, long time, if not ever.
As much as I'd like know where she's at right now, I don't want to pressure her. I want to give her as much time as she needs to process this. I figure with her it could a) Like the conversation never happened b) A turning point c) Something for her to think about d) Just another obstacle in the path to D. I guess only time will tell.
Originally Posted By: Endeavour
You know what to do so no advice needed. Just keep doing what you've always done. Be strong, loving and patient.
I wish I knew what the next steps were. I am just praying about it. I know the right things will happen at the right time.
There's really not too much to update right now. I have not reached out to my W. She picked up my S tonight before I got home from work so I didn't see her. She did text me about a couple mundane things today. She asked about my plans with my S for next weekend. The next time she texted me about the old car because she had a potential buyer that had some questions. It's almost like we didn't have the conversation the other night. But again, time will tell.
I do have a DB coach session scheduled for Monday.
I had Men's group tonight at church. I did share my story. Most of them thought my W acted positively in response to our conversation.
One of the guys in the group came up to me afterward and we're going to try to ride together. Cool. Just expanding my GAL'ing and social life.
It's been a week now since I had that discussion with my W. So far the topic hasn't come up again. I am trying to avoid any mind-reading, but it's hard. I cover the whole spectrum in my head all the way from the conversation had no effect at all with my W to we've just turned on the road to reconciliation. Realistically speaking, it's very likely it's someone in between.
I have had 3 interactions with my W since the convo. They have all been for a hand off with my S. Friday night she asked if she come in and use the printer to print some Reds tickets for game she was taking my S to. I let her come in and use the computer to print the tickets. I had to log it in for her. Thank God I got to the computer before she did because I had this message board up. I had unintentionally left some subtle clues about my new life sitting around. I had my message notes from church sitting by the printer, a pamphlet about regarding a little girl I'm sponsoring in Ecuador was sitting out, as was the thank you letter from VBS last year. I left her alone in the office for a little bit while readied my bike for a ride.
I saw my W Sunday night when came to drop off my S. I was cutting grass in the back yard. When my S came and found me back there, I decided to cut the mower off and say hello to my W. For some reason she took it upon herself to deal with a wasp nest I had outside the side garage door. As far as she's concerned, it's not her house anymore, right?
I saw my W briefly tonight. She came and asked to use the bathroom. However, I was just leaving when she got here. I just got done texting her because my S had texted me a couple of hours ago saying he was scared. It was some bad weather in the area, but everyone's OK.
So there's really been no mention of our convo a week ago at all.
I did have session #12 with my DB coach yesterday. I brought him up to speed and covered our convo. He seemed to think I handled the convo well. At first, he suggested as a next step for me to start getting the financial stuff together for the L. When I brought up that it would probably be more of a 180 to do nothing for now because I've typically taken care of everything, he thought I may want to just do nothing, and let her bring it up again. He seemed to think my W has a lot to consider right now. I also got the message it seems like I've gotten throughout my situation of "stay the course".
GAL'ing still going strong. 35 miles on the bike trail on Friday, wrapping up at 9:40pm Community Group meeting with folks from church on Saturday night - also shared my latest story there , too, and got lots of support. Church on Sunday, lunch with some friends from church, and a 31 mile ride in the afternoon. Monday night was opening night for softball. I went 1 for 3 with a cheap hit and a nice solid at'em ball - not bad for one of the oldest guys on the team. Tonight we didn't have my Tuesday night group, so I arranged a meeting for dinner at a local restaurant. I had dinner with two ladies from my Tuesday night group tonight.
I think I'm going to have to marinate on all of this a bit, but..
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
You are still watching her.
I don't think I can deny this is true.
I think I vacillate between putting energy into watching/waiting and just living my life. I'm in a much better place when I'm living my life.
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
and it is still an invitation to the past.
Well, if it's an invitation to the past, I don't want to go there myself, do I? I have my life headed in a direction I particularly like right now and I don't want to go back to the way it was.
Just checking in JB. I agree that you should wait for your wife to bring up the paperwork again. If you got it together and presented her with it, it seems to send a confusing sign to her after your last talk. Indeed, she does have a lot to think about. I'm hoping that the right opportunity presents itself again soon for the two of you to continue in your talk. I think your wife has a lot of fear, so the best thing you can do is give her space and time to make some important choices. You have done that in an excellent manner for almost a year now, so yes...stay the course.
I hope you have a great weekend and GAL like the rock star that you are.
ncl, thanks as always for checking in on me. I think you're right, if I got everything together and presented her with it, it would send a confusing sign to me. Of course if she got ticked at me again for NOT having the stuff together, TBH it would send a confusing sign to me.
It does seem kind of odd to have that kind of discussion and have nothing immediately come out of it. But on the other hand, I'm not too surprised.
So I continue to walk the fine line between just waiting and wondering if I should do something. I do have little bit of fear that comes and goes about her doing something stupid and irrational. The best case scenario is that we would have the opportunity to continue our talk. Overall, I'm just staying the course. It's in God hands. I'm not trying to force anything.
Am I making any sense here?
And @TG - I am guilty of watching her more than I should. I've had to stop myself a few times. But then again, I am also trying to prepare myself for anything I would need to respond to.
There was a lot of GAL'ing over the weekend with my S - we had laser tag on Saturday and nice dinner with family on Sunday night among other things. Today I mixed work and GAL'ing because there are customers in town. We went out to nice restaurant this evening.
I guess only time will tell.
Just expanding my GAL'ing and social life.
I had unintentionally left some subtle clues about my new life sitting around. I had my message notes from church sitting by the printer, a pamphlet about regarding a little girl I'm sponsoring in Ecuador was sitting out, as was the thank you letter from VBS last year. I left her alone in the office for a little bit while readied my bike for a ride.
Tonight we didn't have my Tuesday night group, so I arranged a meeting for dinner at a local restaurant. I had dinner with two ladies from my Tuesday night group tonight.
I think you're right, if I got everything together and presented her with it, it would send a confusing sign to me. Of course if she got ticked at me again for NOT having the stuff together, TBH it would send a confusing sign to me.