I'm keeping the ultramarathon theme. I'll mention again when I started this journey, it felt like a full-out sprint. It then started feeling like a marathon. Now it's progressed to feeling more like an ultramarathon. So if you're new and you feel like your spouse is sprinting toward the finish line, there's always the possibility you'll be given the gift of time, as I like to call it.
If you're given the gift of time, try to use it to your advantage. Get out there and GAL. I think it's the best thing I've ever done. I feel like I've built this entirely new life for myself. I've been at this for over 13 months now and there is so many good things that have happened. You'll feel better if you can get outside your comfort zone a bit. It'll also help with the patience. And this journey has required a ton of patience.
For me, I feel a lot better about the person I'm striving to be because of the changes I've worked through. On the other hand, my W has not shown any tangible signs of moving back toward me. She is also not moving away from at nearly the rate she was, although she's doing some things, that TBH, I am not sure that we can work through. However, I continue to stay the course and I'll decide to cross that bridge if I see it at that time.
For me, too, I have turned my situation over to God and I'm seeking his direction. My relationship with Him has grown tremendously over the last 13+ months.
It's been several days since I've last posted, and there's been some ups and downs. Unfortunately, the downs involved my W. The ups involved GAL'ing.
I had a little bit of drama on Thursday of last week. My W and I had a handoff with my S. She had OM in the car with her. She did park out in the street, so he wouldn't be on my property, thus adhering to the boundary I laid out. Geez - the bare minimum. I guess the lesson learned here is to set your boundary a little further out than what's barely acceptable. I didn't even invite her in this time. I just had her stay out on the front porch until my S came down. We chatted a little bit, but it was all business. I was a little cold, but I didn't react to her antics.
We had two more exchanges over the weekend, and it was like she was avoiding me. She picked my S up on Friday before I got home. On Sunday, she dropped him off and he just came in the house by himself.
I received a call from my W's sister's ex last Thursday, too. My W's sister I think has been her biggest influence in wanting a D. It was good to talk to him. We're probably going to get together at some point. However, I was a little aghast about what my W's had done. I just hope and pray my W doesn't follow her pattern to a "T". That's primarily for my S's sake, but it's also for her sake and mine. I always thought my W had higher standard than her sister, but you never know, do you?
It was a pretty good weekend for GAL'ing. I had a couple of guys over from my Men's group at church on Friday night to watch some college hoops. Saturday, I was able to take advantage of our outstanding weather and take a 26 mile ride on the bike path. Saturday evening, I went to Winter Jam - a concert with 10 different Christian bands performing - I had a blast!
We had a great church service on Sunday. Afterward, I returned to the bike path for a 3 mile run in the afternoon. Later that night, after my S got home, we went out for dinner and rooted on UNC to a victory and took a short bike ride and got some ice cream.
While we were getting ice cream, my S asked me who my hero was growing up. I didn't have a really good answer. He then shared with me that his hero is me. My jaw hit the ground. That was very, very humbling.
It seems like when there's a high, there will also be a low. So after a good weekend, I was an anxious mess yesterday. I've recovered today for the most part. There's still some lingering anxiety.
Today was the day I chose to smuggle Chipotle into my S's school. I decided to stay for outdoor recess. The temperature was in the 70s at lunch.
Tonight I have my Healing Relationships (aka Ladies' group). I have been invited to come along for dinner afterward. I think I'm going to go. And I think I'm still going to follow through on my plans to do a 3 mile run and 8.6 mi. ride afterward. If I can get to bed before 2:30, I'm good, right?
Good to know that your GAL'ing is going good. Sorry to hear about your W.
You know, more than anything you should be proud that you did not go looking for a 'honey' like your W is doing. Your son is sure to notice and so are your families. In time your W will also realize this. As they say in here, most R's with OM/OW will fizzle out after the initial excitement wanes.
Keep up the good work man!
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Your continuing ultramarathon theme is a good reminder. While we communicate a few times a week despite her being out of state now, and it's pretty friendly, I still feel like my wife is sprinting toward divorce. She occasionally mentions that she needs to have the divorce paperwork notarized and things like that (which, to be honest, I could do without being reminded of, but what can ya do...)
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
You know, more than anything you should be proud that you did not go looking for a 'honey' like your W is doing.
MK, thanks for stopping in! Well, I'm trying to do the right thing even if my W isn't.
Originally Posted By: mykarma
As they say in here, most R's with OM/OW will fizzle out after the initial excitement wanes.
True. However, this isn't the first guy she's had my S around. I believe she's actively looking for it.
I have noticed drama tends to erupt when I do something postive. This is coming on the heels of my showcasing of the new JB in front of her long time friends and family at a viewing of all things. I also recently DB'd her family at my S's birthday party that I put together, but her family came to. The showcasing was not an act, though. I think the changes must be pretty deeply ingrained.
JB sorry you are experiencing this. Does your son ask what is going on when W has OM in the car? I know he is young but just wondering. Man this is though hang in there buddy.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Your continuing ultramarathon theme is a good reminder. While we communicate a few times a week despite her being out of state now, and it's pretty friendly, I still feel like my wife is sprinting toward divorce. She occasionally mentions that she needs to have the divorce paperwork notarized and things like that (which, to be honest, I could do without being reminded of, but what can ya do...)
When this thing first started for me, my W was in fast track mode. Sometimes I've found myself wishing we were done by now. Your W may find herself liking the positive interactions and has to bring up the reminders for her own benefit, too. IOW, she may feel a little conflicted, and uses the self-convincing out loud to get herself back on track.
JB sorry you are experiencing this. Does your son ask what is going on when W has OM in the car? I know he is young but just wondering. Man this is though hang in there buddy.
Rick, thanks for stopping in. Actually my S rarely says anything about it. I asked him once, but I don't press the issue with him. I think my W's told him they are friends.
There was no hand-off last night with my S. My W texted me and told me she wouldn't be picking my S up until 7:30. I had my Relationships group at church at 7. Hmmm..does seem like she's avoiding me.
I had plenty of GAL'ing last night for a school night. I had Relationships (aka Ladies) group at church. 6 of us went out for dinner afterward. Then, I had to burn off my dinner. Under the cover of darkness, I ran 3 mi., and stopped by house to pick up my bike. I then rode 8.6 mi. It was serene and peaceful out last night with the temperatures in the upper 60s / lower 70s. There's also no one outside to hear me singing with my iPod. It makes for a short night, though.
Hi JB, Catching up on your sitch. I am curious why your s ever has to bring the om with her when she picks up your s? She must know that this is not very thoughtful on her part. Just wondering.
GAL is in full swing here also, tomorrow is supposed to get up near 80. Enjoy the spring JB.
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
She did park out in the street, so he wouldn't be on my property, thus adhering to the boundary I laid out. Geez - the bare minimum. 
I guess the lesson learned here is to set your boundary a little further out than what's barely acceptable. I didn't even invite her in this time. I just had her stay out on the front porch until my S came down. We chatted a little bit, but it was all business. I was a little cold, but I didn't react to her antics.
It makes for a short night, though.