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#2230283 - 03/13/12 05:06 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: leopoldstotch]
Hard2bHopefull Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 40
she doesn't want to have me served she went and got the papers herself and shes filling them out without any L's involved and shes asking if im going to sign them. we have not sat down and discussed anything about it and its frustrating me that shes asking me to sign something i have not even read or seen.

i told her this and she said we have not talked because i cant have an adult conversation. We have not had many conversations since she left only about 2 in the beginning and that was when i was very much in the begging and perusing stage. so i know where she gets the idea that i cant have an adult conversation.

she said we could go sit down and talk about it and fill the papers out together but i still dont feel ready for that so i told her and she said ok well call me when you are ready and hung up on me.

today she asked me about some bowling stuff she left. i told her i would look for it and i started some light conversation about her trip she took to visit a sick uncle. (im hoping to convey that i can have an adult conversation and she doesn't need to feel like every time she talks to me im going to talk about our sitch). i took the fact that she texted me about something other than the divorce as a opportunity to show this even though this goes against my 180 LRT

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#2230297 - 03/13/12 05:29 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: Hard2bHopefull]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10656
Wrong thing to say. You don't make it a joint decision. You should have told her that you are going to have a L look into it to be sure you're protected and that's it.

Show that YOU are taking charge of what's going on.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2230394 - 03/14/12 01:32 AM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: leopoldstotch]
Truegritter Offline
Member

Registered: 02/27/10
Posts: 2686
Originally Posted By: H2H
I dont think i ever posted anything about myself feeling ugly...

you tell me not to hang my values on it, but then you tell me to choose on who i am and what i believe...

how about instead of telling me what my obvious choices are you can just give words of advice.

like advice on whether i should just say yes ill sign the divorce papers so we leave with the least headache and least money spent. or do I stick to my vows, morals, and beliefs and refuse to sign anything.


I did not mean you did. You described the situation. When I said you're looking in the mirror I did not mean physical appearence but that you have atributed what you believe as "ugly" on your situation...

Which you have control over. Yes YOU do.

I could tell you what I would do in your situation but that would be the same as your wife dictating your fate by HER choice

Because it didn't come from you...

And who you decide to be in the face of this tragedy.

THAT is the question. I am sorry if I offended you I did not intend that and it is not my way.

H2H we were all raw when we came here.

I am here to help, not to offend. Sometimes the rhetoric is blunt.

Sometimes it needs to be. If you feel a sting?

Take a good hard look at it is my advice. I have no axe to grind.

Leo hit it on the head.

Read what I wrote again please.
_________________________
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am

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#2230830 - 03/15/12 10:30 AM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: Truegritter]
cdavis Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 45
I did not see a state mentioned, but I know in mine (and many others) there is nothing you have to do until your separated for a period of time (usually a 6 month to a year). You can do ED (Equitable Distribution or Equal distribution depending on the state), and resolve alimony either through a separation agreement or file court claims after a separation happens. In many states one party moving out without the consent of the other is "abandonment", and at-fault divorce cause. On the joint accounts, if your spouse moves out it looks better if split the money and close the account, or leave it untouched. Be as financially responsible as possible.

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#2231255 - 03/16/12 04:06 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: cdavis]
Hard2bHopefull Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 40
Sorry California.

well im just kinda lost right now. I have now idea what is best for my sitch besides just living my life. I just feel like im ignoring the elephant in the room everyday.

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#2234606 - 03/31/12 03:42 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: Hard2bHopefull]
Hard2bHopefull Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 40
just a little update nothing has changed. except her now using her maiden name. other than that my sitch is the same. i still havent talked to her really. I ran into her at a restaurant she was there with friends from work for someones birthday i was there with my friends. She tried to act like she didnt see me at first then i waved and she gave me a fake smile and wave. i decided i would leave.

she texted me about her mail. i haven't responded because i dont care if she ever gets her mail right now. its hard for me to be nice to her right now. i know its her mail but that doesnt mean im responsible for getting it to her

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#2236115 - 04/07/12 02:00 AM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: Hard2bHopefull]
Hard2bHopefull Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 40
today she unfriended me on facebook and asked me to give her mail to her friend and so i asked why she unfriended me and she said to me thats just how it is and she doesnt need to give me a reason why. so i told her not to ask me for favors then.

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#2236126 - 04/07/12 04:34 AM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: Hard2bHopefull]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
H2bh, you are going thru so much. Me too, My h. dropped bomb 1/12/12. Today, i went to see final l. to do final property settlement neg. I'm out in next two weeks. He is done. Do I still have hope? Yes, time, time, time. In my state, you can do this in 3 months. Not much time for d'bing. I look to a very distant future with him. In the meantime, I will work on me. It is a lot of detachment. I can't control him. I can only control myself and maybe think sometime in future he can see me as the person he fell in love with. If not, I have to look out for myself and know I will be ok. You need to look at big picture. Hope this helps. I'm new to this too.

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#2243848 - 05/08/12 11:30 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: hopeless in wa]
Hard2bHopefull Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 40
papers were served to me yesterday...

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