Best advice often given on this board.. keep your mouth shut.
Should you decide to move to SC with her as to not tear your son away from his mom....
... could you do it without expecations?
Could you do it knowing that it may NOT lead to reconciling with your w?
Could you do it knowing that she may never see the gift and sacrifice you made for both her and your son?
Could you do it without building resentment in your heart?
Dig deep for the answer my friend... but know that it is a choice that you will have to make many times.
When I wanted to move to LA.. my w did a great job of supporting me. First thing she threw in my face at our first mediation was the move.
I do not fault her for having those feelings (I'm almost 4 years in and FINALLY getting financially stable 'in her eyes') but I do hold her accountable for allowing those feelings of resentment to grow.
There is no doubt in my mind that if you moved that you too would have moments of resentment....
The question is... could you squash them? or would you allow them to fester?
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
I do of course agree with Bond, and IF she did it, it would be kidnapping, but IANAL...
But... I would be careful about that, too...
Because a L might act on your behalf, without prudence. IOW, I consulted with a L and that L then contacted my W's L indicating that I COULD go after spousal and child support. In my W's L relaying that info to my W, my W "heard" it as though I WAS going after spousal.
Your pattern has tended to either react directly to your W when she pushed your buttons or to go to your L whom then took action on your behalf, only to prove once again to your W that she could push your buttons...
Move your buttons, Alamo... I'd suspect that your W can not enroll your S in any other school without your consent unless your W gets appropriate custody. Your L will take care of that, whether you tell your L what your W said and involve yourself or not...
Kaffe, Mr. Bond, Valeska - Aside from couple of fall-backs over the last year and half since she left, I have made it a point not respond negatively to her button-pushing. Before my 180, I would talk back and/or become angry whenever she said things a certain way.
Nonetheless, I guess it's become my nature to report pretty much every major thing my wife does here, because I know I lack insight in a lot of areas. It doesn't reflect my lack of DB/DRing, but I do need 2x4s once in a while, especially lately. More than ever, I need to stay resilient and keep my act together.
On a truly positive note:
I can't believe it's here... a 10-day countdown to 365.25 days of being porn- and masturbation-free!
Fair enough, alamo. You know that you are safe to vent here, even if we do pass out the 2x4s...
Awesome on your days "sober"! When we can control our addictions, we find the strength and courage to do most anything...
I do understand that you have not shown your W that she is pushing your buttons. Like the addiction, it's still a matter of continuing to do so. Because lets say that the two of you magically R. She'd still test you by pushing your buttons, 5 years and 20 years from now...
Like the addiction, it's still a matter of continuing to do so. Because lets say that the two of you magically R. She'd still test you by pushing your buttons, 5 years and 20 years from now...
^^ So true ^^
UPDATE 6:00pm Get an email and voicemail from my paralegal and he informed me that my wife now claims that she did not receive the legal documents and the court date notice. So two things could happen:
a. Send/serve her an emergency set of the documents at a high monetary cost, or
b. If she files a complaint that she did not receive it, the court would probably just defer the hearing date and probably push it even closer or past her report-to-work date of 6/10, which wouldn't be in her favor.
My legal team have proof that the documents were properly served, but I'll call them tomorrow to find out more details.
Your wife is displaying the old ostrich syndrome. She has created a perfect little fantasy for herself, rubbed your face in it and planned to run away.
Let your legal team do what they need to do. They have proof so your wife can't deny anything. If she files a complaint, let her and let her pay for it. Don't accommodate her with the emergency set of documents. She was served, she just doesn't want to acknowledge them.
Be very careful though. Your wife may just take your son any way in her warped thinking. Be sure your legal team is aware of this.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Hmm, how is my wife finding out purchases I made on Amazon last year?
She sent me a text asking why I was so anxious to have a, ahem, prostate massager, I bought in November entered into public record? I definitely didn't legally release that information (it's not even part of the financial disclosure), unless she's been going to our/my online accounts to snoop and trying to take pot-shots at me. I thought I've changed them all, but I guess not. Anyway, Amazon password = changed.
Change all of your passwords asap. Check your house for key loggers too. It seems like your W is gathering evidence against you to show that you are a danger to your son so she can take him away. It's so obvious. Protect yourself right away.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
