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#2240749 - 04/25/12 04:46 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: MrBond]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
bond-

i have spoken to my father. he is helping me with my spiritual stuff. he is praying for us. he is also very optimistic.

As far as a L.. i don't even know where to begin? do u have to pay them for your first initial visit?

Should i not have set my boundries with her? i felt right doin it, but now i am regreting it. i dont want to push her any farther. it doesnt seem like anything i do even slows her down tho. i feel doomed
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


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#2240750 - 04/25/12 04:49 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: MrBond]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
Originally Posted By: MrBond
Speak to the head of your church first for spiritual strength, then talk to a L ASAP. Find out what your rights are and be sure you mention how you are afraid she is going to do something to paint you in a bad light. Protect yourself and your kids.


This^^^ and then do something for yourself. You sound like you need an emotional break. No matter how small, is their something you enjoy doing for you? Do you exercise? Go for a walk w/ some music or take 45 minutes to do something to try to take your mind off the sitch.

Even if you have to force yourself at first, you have to find things to do or you will remain stuck focusingobsessing over your w. I know because I have been there.

It will get better!
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2240756 - 04/25/12 05:08 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: sayitaintso]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
sias-

yeah.. i've been trying to do stuff for myself. i'm workin out for bout 20 mins and running for about 20 mins a nite. i go to aa meetings 2 times a week. that stuff seems to be helping. i'm just so wore out. not knowing what is going on is takin its toll. i'm a fixer i guess, but i'm not tryin to fix her. i hope she does that for herself. i am working on me and have been since january. i have a long way to go, but i see some improvements. i like that.

not pursuing is so hard. i dont want to come off as cold, and that would make stuff worse. one of her biggest complaints about me when i drank is, i didnt pursue basically. i didnt really involve myself to much with her. i dont know. i'm so lost
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


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#2240762 - 04/25/12 05:36 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10321
"As far as a L.. i don't even know where to begin? do u have to pay them for your first initial visit?"

Call around for a consult. Many will offer a free initial consult and there may be some free legal aid societies around. But you have to start by calling. Maybe AA knows someone.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2240891 - 04/26/12 06:57 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
HollyAnn Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/11
Posts: 124
Originally Posted By: heartbrokeinsd
ok just some random questions..

-is it appropriate for married people of the opposite sex to be friends?

No. Not if it is just one on one. Each couple is fully engaged in the "friendship" or forget it.

-when does being friends cross the line?

When you do things that you wouldn't want your spouse to know about.

-what does "just friends" mean?

It usually means that someone is lying about the...uh...
Friendship"


-if my W doesnt wear her ring, should i?

That is up to you. I took mine off immediately because it felt so wrong and uncomfortable to feel bonded to an infidel. Ick!!

anyway.. been a pretty miserable day. went to an aa meeting. that was good. reminded me how much of a moron i am. why dont i treat this like my alcoholism? i need too. my quote i live by with aa is "misery is optional". that can apply to this too.

she was home when i got back. hasnt left. actin kinda nice. said her place wont be ready till the 15th. the way shes acting scares me. i think she is up to something. just dont know what. im gonna act as if im fine too. who knows? it could turn out good.

Be very careful around your w. It is not unusual for them to manipulate you into a "fight" and then scream "rape" or "abuse." You are wise to be scared of her.

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#2240920 - 04/26/12 10:10 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: HollyAnn]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
hollyann-

thank you for your opinions. that's basically how i feel. my W tells me im controlling and psychotic for my views on her "friendships". its kinda funny though, cus 1 time she did say she would be pissed if i was doing the same thing. oh well, she has to have her way or no way. i'm so done trying to talk about it. i don't have the energy anymore.

last night she did our separation agreement. one of the conditons is there will be no dating or communicating with members of the opposite sex. she wasn't to happy, but she agreed. i told her i will have no way of knowing if she is doing it, so i am trusting her to uphold her end. i have every intention of doing my part. we will see. maybe she will work on her issues. i really hope so. this is so hard for me. i'm trying to stay positive thinking about positive outcomes.

"Misery is Optional"
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


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#2241071 - 04/26/12 09:47 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
today was actually an ok day. i was able to be polite to my W. not happy and cheerful, but not crabby either. i thought i was doing good. she asked if i could have dinner made by 6 so she could eat before her alanon meeting. had it done and waited till almost 6:20 to eat. she comes in at 6:40. no call.. oh well. didnt go to her meeting either. started feeling a little crabby so i took the kids to the park to play. i had a great time! =)

she's not home and for some reason i don't care. kids want her but they are distracted now. i need to keep doing this. just writing about it makes me wonder where she is at and what she is doin..uuggghh.

"Misery is Optional"
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


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#2241091 - 04/26/12 10:49 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10321
I don't get it. She steals your stuff. Takes things out of your car. Threatens to take the children away from you. Is seeing another guy. And you made her dinner? You don't reward bad behavior.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2241106 - 04/26/12 11:35 PM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: MrBond]
heartbrokeinsd Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 714
Loc: South Dakota
bond-

i know.. wtf is wrong with me? i would make it anyway for my kids. tryin to help so she can go to al anon meetings. stupid i know.

what do u suggest? there is a big part of me lookin forward to our separation. she will see just how easy she has it now. probably resent me for awhile. oh well. i want us to work. i choose to love my wife. kinda feel like a doormat sometimes.

my run went good tonight though. 2 miles in 13:39..not to bad for not runnin forever.
_________________________
m:31 W:32
M:8 T:11
S:10
D:5
Bomb:1/07/12
Separated:4/23/12
Divorced: 12/12/12


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#2241113 - 04/27/12 12:15 AM Re: My wife is leaving me.. [Re: heartbrokeinsd]
Snowman Offline
Member

Registered: 09/12/11
Posts: 148
Heart-You are early in the rollercoaster ride and your emotions sure still strong, I know I was the same way and still working on my triggers.

Being compassionate and not a doormat is a fine line. Don't put up with the stuff that is going on like Mr. Bond has pointed out.

All you can control is you. GAL and focus on your kids. Listen to the veterans around here they will steer you straight if you listen and decide what best for you.

Hang in there and you are not alone. We are all in this together.
_________________________
Me:29
W:28
S:2
M: 5 years
Bomb: 7-26-11
Separated: 8-20-11
EA w/ multiple OMs
W filed 1/2012

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