Shew i just typed a whole reply and it vanished. lets try this again.
Creed why do you hesitate to post to me? I don't want anyone to feel that way. To answer some of your questions. Yes bf is emotionally unstable. Yes I feel like I walk on egg shells. Yes I think hes verabally abusive. Yes he has a short fuse When he made the DONT PLAY GAMES comment, it was more like a child saying don't take my toys away"!and yes kinda like or else. I think he meant, don't say it unless you are gonna do it. I have told him he needed help, but of course that comment doesnt help things. Let me back up, because on here we tend to give one sided stories not meaning to. I want to tell exactly what was said to get the correct opinion and advice. It started by him talking about my bills and how i might cut back. I dont give him anything to stay in his house except I pay for our phones. He said to me that i could save money by him getting his own phone and me just paying for mine. I said Why? Do you want your own phone? THAT set him of. He said I am trying to HELP you with your bills and what do you do but have insecurities. He said, loudly, I know what you mean by that. I know you have an agenda with your questions. He does this alot with me. He says I listen to everything you say and I know you play games with me. So the conversations went bad from there. Me trying to calm him down. Finally at one point I said J you are not stupid, (because he made that comment also), but neither am i. I said you can't do anything to me my xh hasn't done. He said. "Wanna bet" He said he was angry. He says I back him in corners. He says he hates to yell and cuss at me but I give him no choice. He says I irritate him so bad he dont want to even talk to me anymore. I honestly dont know what i do. I mean sure we all can be irritating but it seems his expectations are unreal.
Why do i take this? Well I have had some counseling and was told that because my mom was abusive, mostly verbally, and because i had to live with that alone when my dad took off, that i think i have to just deal with it and go on. I think i have to endure I guess. I feel sorry for him. He has cut himself off from family and the world. He is a one man band. Doesnt let anybody in. Can take care of himself type of attitude. I dont generall get mad, its a waste of engery to me. I just listen and when its too much, i hang up. He can be the best person and then, yep Creed, he turns at something I say, because he things i am playing games for example.
I live in his house with his things. My nephew loves it here and so do i. He lives out of state. I guess i figure i can just go on with my life and keep my eyes open to something else if it comes around. Mean time I am going to school and enjoying my life the best way i know how.
i need to add about the phone...... i have looked at his calls in the past and he knows it. so thats what he meant by i have an agenda. he thinks i said that because i wont be able to see his calls. i thought, when he got upset, there might be some quilt on his part. but i dont know, he is a recluse but who knows. He could be wanting to talk to someone. I cant worry about that and I am not going to.
Honey Please go back and read what you've posted to us. Look at all the things he's 'blaming' you for that he himself is doing. Have you not seen this as a main trait of abusers. Blaming the victim for their own emotional/verbal abuse? No matter what he does wrong, he turns it around on you.
Now, this is what is scaring me. His comment like "wanna bet?". That is a verbal threat...and I don't think he's saying it glibbly(sp). I think this guy is a loner for a reason. You've been with him for three years, but from your own words, you're not really with him all that much. You don't know what he's capable of, or what he might have done/or is doing when he's not in that house with you. You only have his word on alot of things.
You've moved your things in, and the house is comfortable to you, but are you willing to chance you own health/safety and your nephews by living with someone that is not emotionally committed to the relationship...and is in your own words, abusive and short-fused. Never say never about someone with those traits...you don't know how fast they can turn on you...and how they will blame it on you.
Please, please...think of yourself and your nephew and son first.and not this relationship with BF.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Renee, what do you want from this relationship? I think you need to sit down and ask yourself this question. Once you do, I think you need to be objective and ask yourself if you will get it. If you are just content with settling for something, then make the most of it. I don't think he is going to be the person you want him to be. Renee, you aren't going to change him, I think you need to understand that.
Creed I will address your comments in a little bit. First I want to update everyone on my son.
Update: Son is still home with me and I am just letting him talk, vent, whenever he likes. I tell him I am sorry and I DONT bash his dad (in front of him anyway). I just listen. Son seems to be very upset with dad. Mostly over money that his dad kept. That is son's business and I am staying out of it but I have to tell you it really takes alot to keep my mouth shut, but I am. His dad and stepmom kept sons income tax check and put it toward a beach condo. Son will not ask for it back in fear of dad getting upset. I knew this was how son felt all along and why he wasnt talking to me. The stepmom opened his mail and kept sons check and instead of letting him come pick it up, she MAILED it to him. Now the question is HOW did she GET MY ADDRESS???? I asked son and he said I have no idea. He said he DID NOT give it to her. Son told me she stalks my fb, so I am going to have to change some settings for that. My question about that is WHY? She has my xh and a nice home and a baby of her own with him. She is in her twenties and built well and is fairly pretty.....why in the world does she want in MY business? XH is a lunatic and NOT the person he use to be. He told son when I called him a long while back, I acted like a lunatic....I didnt even speak to the man. I left a NICE message. Also stepmom sent my son a nasty message and told him he HE needed to ask his dad anything to make #*&#()# sure HE contacted dad instead of me. She said she would put me in jail. lol I DO NOT contact him, I did the one time and left a message. That was about the money. I will not again. She has no business talking to son that way, but that is for son to tell her. Although I would like to say alot to her. Anyway other than that all is well here. Son talks about how his dad has disappointed him and I stay quite except to say I am sorry. Oh his dad did call him and ask son if he got new wifes message. He should have been saying he was sorry but NO he wanted to make sure son got it. Makes me so mad. She is NOT going away and knows everything about me. Sad.
I love having my son home! This will be the best Mothers Day ever! My xh however still continues to bash me to son. Calls me a low life and other things. I just dont understand why he hates me so.
Xh wouldnt let son come get his mail, instead he mailed it to him BUT my son didnt give him the address. When son asked how he got it my xh didnt say anything. Obviouslly they are keeping tabs on me and for what reason i dont know. I wish they would just go on with their lives and stay out of my business. XH even tried to convince son I didnt have ins on my car. So aggrivating. I showed son the ins card and left it at that. I feel like I have to prove myself to them and I hate that. WHy dont they just leave me alone?
Isn't it mail fraud to open someone else's mail, then use the contents for their gain. And, isn't it theft to take someone's tax check, and use it for personal stuff. I would be making some phone calls to the police, if I were your son. I'm sure the wife is responsible for all this. His dad doesn't care, so why should your son. I also wonder how his check could be cashed without the bank asking for id. Sounds very fishy to me. When people are guilty of something, they tend to transfer blame to the innocent to deflect from themselves. The angrier, and nastier they get, the more you should get suspicious of what they are doing behind your back, and it seems that criminal activity is not a problem for them. Check your credit, see if your identity has been compromised. Why would they want to know your address? If your x can steal from his own son, imagine what he is willing to do to you.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BeingMe....yes it is mail fraud and yes its not right for them to take his check. My son WILL NOT stand up to his dad in fear of losing him. That is why he stayed away from me all this time. Son told me xh's new wife hates me and he stayed away to make them, mostly her happy. It was wrong but they filled his head with stuff AND still are. He sent his stepmom a Happy Mothers Day text this morning and she sent back "Keep Ignoring me, it works for me". How Childish! It made son mad, but hurt his feelings more. He gets his feelings hurt very easily. He said "mom why would she do that?" It takes everything in me to not let her have it. She would just get a warrant on me and its not worth it. I suspect this is going to be a crazy few months or years. As long as my son has anything to do with me, she will put the pressure on xh. They already told son he couldnt go on a vacation that they had planned. He even help pay for it. He told his dad to just keep the money and his dad replied...."Oh dont worry, I am" What a JERK! BUT son loves his Dad so much. His dad would have NEVER treated son this way. He was always hard on son, trying to make him tough. BUT not to this extreme.
But you have a lot to learn and a lot of distance to go yet.
Why is SM like that? Why does she stalk you? Really? You don't have a clue?
How on earth can she be comfortable with another woman's husband? Look at it like this: if son doesn't hate you, then maybe, just maybe, there's a chance that you aren't the crazy witch she believed you to be, right? And maybe, just maybe XH doesn't make her very comfortable in their relationship?
Now what right? Son left. H might be the lunatic after all. What does that say about her, right?
Know what I suggest? Be there for your son, be happy with and for him and be patient with him.
Oh, and why are you with the BF again? Might be time to consider leaving him, SL. Really.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
