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Mr. B am I reading this right. You're still DB and have been on here since 2008?
DBing is a life long process. Remember you first save YOU and then your r's in life improve and maybe, your m gets saved.
Regardless of marital outcome, the LBSer who works on themself by digging deep and bravely facing THEIR stuff & owning it (which means changing it, not just admitting you have it)
that person has done really important work on their lives. Valuable work. Div Busting is a solution based approach to solving relationship conflicts. It's a problem solving method.
My Marriage is a work in progress & always will be.
Even when I feel like we're in a good place and I feel "safe"--I know not to be complacent again. But this^^ makes me feel empowered, not paranoid.
I now know I can & will be happy in my life, with or without h or a man in my life. That's b/c I'm in charge of my life & happiness and I took charge of that when h left...
I became a much happier person, which apparently is attractive b/c I got asked out a lot back then, although I wasn't dating...
and h seemed to notice that whereas HE was lonely & sad, and confused,
I was growing into a happier healthier "funner" person...
HE missed that in me, and our life, and I came to realize that he was losing a lot more than me. (I think he realized it too).
I was becoming my best self and frankly, when h wanted to reconcile, I paused...
b/c I was in a good place that took a lot of effort to get to.
I didn't want to go back to crazyland without some serious reassurances from h that things would be different/better...or forget it. He provided those. So what are YOU doing to SHOW your w that marriage to you would be better/different than before? What are the 180s?
See, if it's Not going to be better or different, then why should/would she want back in?
Yes, simply put, if your w does not believe marriage to you can change/improve she won't want to reconcile.
When she sees your anger and tension or feels it, you may as well give her a pen to sign the divorce decree...but When you detach, you'll come to see that YOU are solely responsible for your happiness & you always were. Embrace that...
B/C it SEEMS that you want to make her in charge of how YOU feel and behave.
No offense net, b/c I know you are hurting.
But letting HER behavior dictate how YOU act, and then blaming her for it---
isn't fair to her, and I'm sorry to say, but it is Not really all that adult of you.
I was once like you are now. I had allowed someone else to determine how I felt about myself & my life.
Well, that won't ever happen again, and that knowledge is SO empowering.
Don't give someone else the burden (OR power) of being responsible for YOUR happiness.
As for how long you DB
hey Net - the changes you learn to make from DBing, are changes you make to become a better YOU. Keep it up.
SO YES, I'm still DBing...hope I always am.
m:51 H:55 M: 30 yrs S25,D23,D15 H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005 I file Sep 2/06 Piecing 7/07 Retrovaille Weekend 8/08 M Restored 8/08