Seeing Lawyers tomorrow...even more hopeless

[jks]

25, that post about your aunt is quite amazing. I loved every bit of it. I'm realizing more and more every day that what has happened to me needed to happen and I know if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, I will be taken care of. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. It is highly valued!!

Stephanie, sounds like you are getting to a good place. This is exactly where you need to be. Good work, my friend!

[hopingandpraying]

Thanks, JKS! I am feeling better, because I just found out last night that most likely my H is still seeing this OW and it is now more open at their workplace. I do not understand how they both feel okay about this when they were both married.

Her H kicked her out 2 weeks ago, so I know I shouldn't assume things, but I can only assume that since he still has not contacted me in 12 days that this girl is staying with him.

Part of this whole situation makes me laugh, because he is with a girl who in almost every sense is not as wonderful as I am. Yes, I understand I contributed to the breakdown of our marriage (even though I didn't know anything was wrong), but cheating is NEVER the solution. She smokes, has lower morals and values, is not fit, not cute (I know looks aren't everything, but my H always used to jokingly say he would D me if I got fat, cheated on him, or became an alcoholic.) Guess the fat thing is out the window for him...

I just don't know where his head is and every day I truly am closer to serving him with D papers because it doesn't look like he is going to come out of this fog anytime soon. I just still can't let go of 7 great years with him...and the idea that he 'might' come back and truly fix his life and mistakes.

[jks]

I think as time progresses you will realize that the man you married may not be there anymore. And I probably shouldn't be saying that but seeing your H have an open affair with someone else makes it very hard to see them for what they were. Nothing you or I did is worth going out and seeking that kind of intimacy with someone else. That is why I look at this whole situation and think it's so silly. I can actually laugh at it now because just like you said, you are wonderful (and I'm realizing now, that I am too). There is nothing there that can't be worked on and amended. We are good people who don't deserve this but probably needed it to happen in order to find true happiness out of life.

Just my two cents for today... LOL!

[hopingandpraying]

I agree with you, JKS, but it's easier said than done. I still find myself wanting him so badly at home...the guy he was 5 short months ago!! Where did that guy go?!?!?

It is getting easier though!

2 weeks strong of going dark and still NOTHING from H.

[Accuray]

Hold strong hopingandpraying, at some point it will be very tempting to reach out to him. Think about what you'll do when that happens, plan in advance so that you don't act on it.

Accuray

[AprilT]

Be strong...if the urge gets to you, write him a letter in your journal. That helped me to detach rather quickly. I knew he would never see it, and I could anything I wanted in it.

[hopingandpraying]

Thank you! I'm not even sure what I would say...I'm thinking he will only contact me to get his remaining belongings from the house.

[wishing, hoping]

Chin up H&P. I fight the urge all the time to reach out to H and ask why. My H has a journey to take and lessons to learn and so does yours. In fact, so do you and I. We both just need to take the high road and remember we are fantastic and wonderful women and that our H's at the moment are lowering themselves to date a woman who has no problem seeing a married man.

Just remember that.

[25yearsmlc]

w,h, i know how you feel. when he first dropped the bomb, i "angelicized" him (my word). he was so wonderful and i would be losing the best man in the world.

at first the loss is great magnified. Takes time to assess with a more realistic view. Especially if they have changed, b/c that's new data to process. OR the idea that they were "sort of" like this all along but their behavior culminated in them leaving - makes us second guess our perception of everything. That hurts too.

But seeing them in the light of truth usually helps A LOT.




going through this now and being separated, i've come to realize that he's responsible, too, for us getting to this point. i'm thinking about some of his personality traits (controling, selfish, unforgiving) and wondering how i would be able to deal with it should we R.

i'm not the only one who needs to make changes. and if he doesn't, can i live with him? won't it be hard to maintain my own changes if he doesn't?



Your H is totally irrelevant to your changes.

You make changes b/c YOU want to make them for you. You change b/c you want to be the best possible you. You become a "woman only a fool would leave"--NOT to get him back, But b/c you deserve to be your best self---- and so does your family.

He has NOTHING to do with your changes.

Lose that scorecard fast or your "tactics" to get him back will be revealed as just that. He's NOT relevant to your personal growth...period. Please, please "get" this...

[hopingandpraying]

My SIL just emailed me and said they told my H to not bring her around any time soon. She said not that he has mentioned it, but to not even think about it. With her writing that, I know that he is still seeing her for his sister to actually have to say that to him.

It made me have this sick feeling in my stomach because he is probably actually thinking about how he will introduce this girl to his family (a girl, who is also married).

I know that he does not deserve me and I'm so much better than this other girl. A HUGE part of me now wants him out of my life and to never turn back. He has changed so much into a person I would NEVER want to be with.