I have known H since 1995, and his son was 14 when we started dating.
Yes, the knowledge of OW would be between H and his X. But I was speaking in mother terms, not OW terms. SS is INCREDIBLY close to his mother. She also watches his FB account. She would be asking questions about any 30+ year old woman wanting to "chat" with her son, as I would. (I did the same thing with my younger brother)
I understand what you are saying about SS and his conclusions about OW. There's nothing I can do about that. What I'm saying is, its going to hurt when we tell him. Anything I can do to limit that hurt, I will do.
I'm confused as to your question about the length of my M in reference to my relationship with SS. Does me only being M for 3 years mean I love him less than I would if we had been married longer?
Sorry if I'm confused about your line of questioning, but I don't play around about my SS.
Only you know the bond that you created between yourself and SS.
While I believe I have an amazing relationship with D14, all things considered... We all still know that I am not her bio dad... that card has never been played by her, but that's not to say it couldn't... Even if she did, I would still love her as my D.
The reason for the length of your R with SS is because while I am sure that you feel you have a great bond with SS... only he knows how he feels about you.
Considering his R with his mom as you describe it... well... if it came down to her or you... only he knows where his loyalties would be.
If his mom chose to welcome OW into SS's life and you did not... only your SS knows how he would deal with that lovely triangle...
It does sound like you believe that your H's X and you are on the same page.
I'm sure you are not naive and these thoughts are possibly going through your mind.
I would not stand in my D14's way of a R with her bio dad... even considering what he put my W and D14 through... that's not my place...
KD, I think you're on a tangent here. From what I've read of Ro's posts this has to do with the possibility of OW dropping a bomb on SS before his graduation week celebrations.
Ro, correct me if I'm wrong.
As I know you will
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
La Bug - Exactly! I don't want his last few days of high school ruined. I know we have to tell him we are separating, but I would rather it be after senior exams at least.
KD - I am not thinking about it as a competition as you obviously are. I KNOW my SS would choose his mom over me. I'm 34 and I'd do the same thing for my mother. LOL
H's X has actually said to me that she is happy that I love SS and gives her comfort when he comes to visit. (This was mentioned in a recent post of mine. You might want to read it to get a little background on this)
Yes, the situation was worst because it was OW posting. I honestly would have adked H to look into it even if it was a random 30 year old woman.
KD. - I'm not sure what your deal is tonight. But since you're in my thread, I'll entertain you.
Did you even read my previous post? My dilemma was whether to say anything to H about it. BECAUSE if that conversation was going to take place, we should probably talk to him FIRST. I said I couldn't control if SS likes OW or not. But if I can somehow protect him just a little and have his dad tell him instead if OW, I am going to do that.
But there IS something she can do about it. Sometimes the tendency to overanalyze on these boards goes too far. Ro saw something on SS's FB page from OW. Ro wanted to discuss this with H so he would be aware and sensitive of what was happening and the timing ramifications for SS. That's part of being a wife is noting and pointing out emotional things H might not be aware of. She's trying to protect SS's senior special moments most of all here.
That's worth discussing with H, Ro. Now that the message disappeared maybe it's been taken care of. Both you and SS's mom have an interest in his welfare, legitimately. Glad you're looking out for him, and from his mom's recent message to you, she is too. Keep it up.
All the feelings you have about OW and the amount of control you have over SS's relationship with various people is all interesting to get into here, but it's all tangential to the point you brought up about OW posting on SS's FB. You were right to be concerned about that. You are a GREAT stepmom.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
