Not a lot to report, just some minor observations and updates on GAL, family interactions, etc.
Observations: - W asked the boys to sign a birthday card for her friend from when she was little. I noticed she had included my name on the card as well. Thought that was interesting...
- The book I gave my wife a few months back, "A Year by the Sea - Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman" which sat on the staircase banister since the day I gave it to her, is now in her bedroom on the nightstand. Hmmm...
- W is trying to do better at keeping up with the house, especially since I stopped enabling her by "taking out the trash" and other household chores that were creating tension because of her feelings of inadequacy.
- S10 had a sleep over Saturday night and W made them scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast which is a significant departure from the bowl of cereal she would typically provide.
GAL/Family Interactions: - S13 wrapped up his winning soccer season on Saturday. His team has finished the season 6-0 with 4 shutouts. Now they are off to the play-offs and possibly state championships later n May. I'm so proud of him and his team! W mentioned her disappointment about having to miss the play-offs due to conflict with S10's baseball game occurring at the same time. Maybe I'll surprise her and she can go to the play-off's...that would be a huge, sacrificial 180 for me since I hate to miss the soccer matches. Hmmm, I'll have to think about that one.
- S10 continues to amaze me. His baseball team won their game on Saturday and so he was in a great mood. He also cracks me up sometimes. Recently he made the following statement: "my awesomeness comes naturally. It's a gift!" Such a funny kid!
- S10 spent the night at my place Friday after hanging with me most of the afternoon and going to dinner with me, my roommate and his son. We stayed up late watching movies and eating popcorn.
- Since S10 had a sleepover Saturday night, his friend joined us for church services on Sunday. Members of the congregation must be wondering whats up with me. I never go with my W but always seem to attend services with other peoples kids as well as my own. I wonder what they will think if my W someday decided to join us.
Guess that is about it. I'm hoping to hear something this week about the job I interviewed for back in February/March. Holding breath and keeping fingers crossed.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
2, you are doing awesome. There is an acceptance in your post that you didnt have a few months ago. You accept where you are right now with your family. You would like it to be something else but you are enjoying where you are right now. You appreciate what you have and are not focused on what you dont have. Its very attractive reading your post and not whinning and annoying like we LBS sometimes are.
I do not think you should do the sacrificial 180. Having followed your post for months now, your W moves closer to you when you move further from her. If she asks you to trade you should do it but let her make the first move. Thats my take.
You are doing amazing, and dont you love not doing the garbage?
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I'm glad you think I'm doing awesome Brooklyn, because sometimes I wonder. Regarding my W moving closer, I sometimes don't see it so I'll just take your word for it. It is glacial in it's movement and almost imperceptible to my eyes so maybe an outsider can see it better than I can. You'll let me know when I've arrived, won't you?
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Got disappointing news that after 3 months and 4 interviews, the company I had hoped to work for had a reorganization and consolidation and decided on an internal candidate. So it is back to the drawing board for me. That is 2 jobs in a row for which I was the leading candidate only to have the position filled internally.
Do I have FUTURE DIVORCEE tattooed on my foreheaed or something?!?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
No 2, you have HIGHLY QUALIFIED CANDIDATE on your forehead. It's tough to find a job these days, but you'll keep going and find something great. There is no pattern, there's just one application, and one application, and one...
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Sorry about the jobs, 2tp. Doesn't reflect on you, but rather our current economy. BTW, note how your attributions of not getting the job may affect how you feel about it (i.e., is it because of something permanent and stable about you vs. something situational/temporary and external to you).
What's "day in the life" of 2tp like these days?
What are your current boundaries and enforcements with W?
Have you read a book called Hold on to your NUTs? It gets at this idea that Starsky, I and others have raised re: your core boundaries of integrity -- your non-negotiable unalterable terms of how YOU want to live and how you teach others how you want to be treated.
You are more powerful than you may think. Indeed, you are the ONLY person who controls you. So powerful.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
BTW, note how your attributions of not getting the job may affect how you feel about it (i.e., is it because of something permanent and stable about you vs. something situational/temporary and external to you).
I'm not sure I know what you mean by this ^^^ but the reason for not getting this job or the last promising prospect had to do with internal business decisions and the employer ultimately deciding to go internal with their hiring. I try not to dwell on the idea that it may have something to do with me or my qualifications, (at least not too much time spent here...).
It does sting though. Almost like the rejection experienced by my W.
Quote:
What's "day in the life" of 2tp like these days?
Just living my life, looking for work, exercising, spending time with the kids, going to church, work on my real estate business/hobby, reading, giving back to the boards. Stuff like that.
Quote:
What are your current boundaries and enforcements with W?
W and I get along fine, these days. Not much to enforce. She has been keeping a low profile with OM. Not even sure there is anything there anymore. Maybe there is, but not my problem right now.
Quote:
Have you read a book called Hold on to your NUTs? It gets at this idea that Starsky, I and others have raised re: your core boundaries of integrity -- your non-negotiable unalterable terms of how YOU want to live and how you teach others how you want to be treated.
No, not yet. I've heard others talk about it. I've read many others. I'll see if I can find this book.
Quote:
You are more powerful than you may think. Indeed, you are the ONLY person who controls you. So powerful.
This is true and important to remember but also easy to loose sight of when you are deep in the muck!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
What are your current boundaries and enforcements with W?
W and I get along fine, these days. Not much to enforce. She has been keeping a low profile with OM. Not even sure there is anything there anymore. Maybe there is, but not my problem right now.
It's "not your problem" is your wife is carrying on with another man?
Thanks SAIS, I'm slow but I learn! And I also realize that what works today may not work tomorrow (sad truth of life I suppose).
Another 180, I did this morning. W had asked a couple weeks ago if I ever played "Words with Friends". I have not done this but today I signed up and sent her a game invitation. Thought it might be a good way to have fun without the stress of direct interactions.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
