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#2239221 - 04/19/12 01:11 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
I read everyones blogs and I don't know if it makes me feel better or more depressed. Love kind of stinks and people are really sorry to the ones they are suppose to love.

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#2239224 - 04/19/12 01:19 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
Find the stories of reconciliation on this site and also look to the posts of vets who are providing support. Yes, when we are in the middle of it, it really sux... but there really is light at the end of the tunnel... our tunnel...

You will find it in others' stories... and find it for yourself...

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#2239225 - 04/19/12 01:25 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: ~ kd ~]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
I don't even know if I should be on this site. I need help but I need to heal and recover. I don't need to get back with my X. 11 years of hell. She would go on a drug binge about every 6 months and wreak mine and her lives. CPS has even been to our house and taken her kid away from her and gave me custody for 90 days and the child is not even mine. They made her leave and go to her parents.(that was years ago) Now her parents say that she can't live with them. But my marriage or common law marriage is not worth saving and should not be. I need to get away from her before I really destruct.

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#2239229 - 04/19/12 01:33 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
ok, well we will support you in what ever decision you make. There are certainly those who come here not to save their M, but to get support while they exit their M and get back on their feet, emotionally and otherwise.

While DB is pro M... MWD does not say "at all cost" and generally when there is abuse, that's where the line needs to be drawn.

That could be where your sitch is. Abusive...

So if you choose to move on, we will still help and support you. We roll that way... grin

If you need to vent or ask questions or get an emotional perk or stoke... we can provide... smile a couple "atta-boys" and "way'ta'goes" can go a long way... lol

You had a blip where she came into your life again in a way that triggered something for you... you can move past that and forward...

How IS your life otherwise, these day?

What is going good in your life?

What is going great in your life?

Let us know, maybe you can give us some golf pointers or tell us of some amazing courses you've played... the difference between steel, composite, and aluminium shafts...

Share some GAL activities you've done that you've enjoyed and ask for some thoughts on GAL that someone might be able to suggest something you might like to try, but never thought of...

Again, we'll help you keep your spirits up as you grow through this.

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#2239237 - 04/19/12 01:58 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: ~ kd ~]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
Thanks, my golf game is nonexsistant right now. I feel off the roof last summer and on to my picket fence. They left some wood in my arm and I got a staph infection. I have had 2 surgerys in the last 3 weeks but they think that I am cured of the infection. That is about the best news that I have going in my life right now. I have a girl that wants to date me and I used to like her way before I was married but I think it might be to soon for me. I will probably go to the movies or something with her and just take it really slow. My emotions are out of wack right now-anger(very little), jealous and really just hurt or crushed. The OM thing just gets under my skin so I can relate to some of the other posts on that. Something that you thought was yours isn't anymore. A bond has been broken. But, no, I am not trying to save this, been there, used this site, did the 180, worked like a charm but I didn't follow the "keep improving yourself step" and I had a wife that cared only about how numb she could make herself.

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#2239262 - 04/19/12 03:29 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
~ kd ~ Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land
ow... ow, ow, ow... I feel 15ft off a roof a couple years ago... thankfully no fence... geesus oh.. owww...

So long as the lady friend understands your current emotional condition... and yeah, slow... "just friends"... that's fine.

Is she cute? cool

What's her history? Past M? Never really attached?

Is she cute?

grin

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#2239533 - 04/20/12 04:35 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: ~ kd ~]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
Looked at my emails today. Found one dated April 10th from my ex. It taked about how we were suppose to grow old together and how much see missed me. I think that is the night I went to her house and ended up sleeping with her. 2 days later she finds a new guy and runs off with him, leaving her child with her parents, I know she has a tendacy to take pills and maybe she did but this is crazy. I don't know if I should think of her as sick in the head or crazy or just a whore. Told me she met someone new and was going to marry him. Changed her facebook page to in a relationship with this guy. Makes no sense to me. I am trying to stop myself from even trying. I will never know. She will just lie to me if we ever even speak. She usually comes running back when she does this stuff but I am not going to be here for her this time.

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#2239553 - 04/20/12 06:05 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2504
Loc: Piney Land
How can you love someone and think all that bad stuff about them? You can't fix her addiction she needs to want it. You are an enabler and have been. What are your future plans? What does life look like?

She won't change until people stop helping her and she realizes she needs to do it on her own. Eventually she will be of no use to OM and will fall on her face and will need to take care of herself.

Are you GAIling?
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






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#2239560 - 04/20/12 06:17 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: Rick1963]
par4me Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/05
Posts: 404
I am trying to GAL. How am I an enabler. I wouldn't give her money for the drugs, she stole our things and sold them to buy them. I put her in rehab 5 times. I don't know that I do love her anymore. I miss having someone. I know that I would not be good for someone right now. What she is doing is hurting me (jealous) but I can do nothing about it besides go beat the guy up which I am not going to do. Like I said in my first post. I don't know if I am in the right place, I need help with me, I want to get over her and the relationship and move on with my life. I want to be done with it. I don't want to try to fix this marriage anymore. It is broken and can't be fixed. I am working, reading, exercising and trying to be happy. I am just not. I just can't believe someone that I used to love turned into someone that sleeps around. That was not her. Her biggest thing was loyality. Yeah, she knows that this is what would hurt me. She told so. She told me everytime I think someone else is in the picture-I come running back. I don't think she is doing this to get me back. I think she is really enjoying her new situation. Don't know that for a fact. I just think so. And that hurts me.

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#2239564 - 04/20/12 06:40 PM Re: It is me again. Screwed up again. [Re: par4me]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2504
Loc: Piney Land
People addicted to opiates will do anything to not deal with withdrawals. She when clean might by a totally different person. But right now it is about you caring for you. I also want some one to be with but what do I have to give right now? Nothing. I think you need to calm down and look at the big picture. You seem very needy. Taking care of her addiction was fulfilling something for you? Time to look at that. Hang in there
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






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