Learning as I go

[tested metal]

I think I am finally coming to terms with the impending D an the possibility of W not coming back. I think I am ready to move on.

W spewed at me last night via text because somebody must have told her that I had been "talking down about her." I did at the very beginning of the breakup, but have since kept my mouth shut. She even threatened me with getting her L involved.

This afternoon, when she dropped off D1, she was very angry and reported that D1 had threw up 3 times and had a fever. She even accused me of not checking her temperature before D1 was picked up.

I had warned her the day before that she had threw up a little and thought it might have been just from drinking milk to fast. I took her temp and it was at 99 degrees, but nothing serious. I notified W about the temp and throwing up before she picked her up.

I reminded her that I told her about the temp and throwing up and I am sorry if D1 was sick during her time. I said nothing else but thank you for taking care of her and have a good day.

I thinking I am ready for this M to be over. I am not sure I want to wait anymore. I want W to be happy, but overall I want to be happy. I am having a hard time remembering good parts about the M anymore, although I know they were there.

Maybe this is what detatching is like.

[tested metal]

Rough day today.

I found out from W that D1 has to have adnoids taken out and tubes cleaned out. Problem is that the surgery will be done on my 1st day of work at my new job.

I finally had to tell W about new job because it will affect D1's insurance for the better if it was scheduled after April 2.

W then flipped out because she was not informed of my changing jobs, not that it would have affected her in any way but for the better. I figured it was none of her business as we no longer live together and it will not affect my end of the parenting time with D1.

Problem is now that W moved surgery up to March 30, which is my last day at work and has really bad insurance with a $5000 deductible. Which means that the whole surgery will probably be out of pocket, if she does not switch it back. I am currently trying to get a hold of the benefits person at new job to ensure that insurance kicks in the 1st day.

I knew that W would probably be angry about me getting a new job, but there is no way I could have seen this surgery comming a month ago when I accepted the job.

The other problem is that D1 will have to be out of daycare for at least a week, which means that W will burn up PTO and I need to find a way to get time off to care for D1, on the very same week I start employment!

If W is angry now, wait until she hears that I am moving next week! To be continued.....

[tested metal]

Had a nice little chat with W's L today. W's L seems very disorganized, which is a good thing. She also has never met W, although she is represetning her.

Apparently W called her L this morning to make sure that I received her complaint. After explaining the reason for my lack of response to the complaint and the way I am being treated by W in the last few days, W's L told me she was going to "have a little talk with her and tell her to back down."

Whether it happens or not I expect nothing.

When I called W to set up a schedule of care regarding D1's care after the surgery, W became very rude over the phone without any provocation by me. Then again maybe I did provoke her by trying to be nice and fair and offering to do my part to help the situation. Oh well, she can stew and ruin the rest of her day on her own.

Tonight, is free burger night at my favorite bar, so I will slug down a few suds, have a good meal with friends and enjoy life for a short while.

[tested metal]

Once again the Great Lord provides! I got a call from future employer reporting that if I work 1 day earlier, which is in March, there is a loophole in insurance coverage and I could be covered for April providing the County Director approved it. The Director approved it!!! So this just saved us at least $5000.

W was very nice today and we were able to have conversations without fighting and were able to hammer out a schedule for the next 2 weeks because of surgery and Easter holiday. I wonder if W's L did not ream her out for being so rude to me. Oh well, it was nice anyway.

Since I am now going to work a day earlier than planned and I am moving next week, my schedule just got REALLY packed and the week is going to be tough. I just keep telling myself that in 2 weeks every thing will be better.

Tomorrow my best bud is coming to town and will meet D1 for the first time. We will go out to eat. I am excited!

I think I am starting to live again. I see where there are times I get really stressed about things, but I find I have great support in friends, family, and GOD.

[tested metal]

Update-

1 week ago W called and asked if I got her complaint for D signed and mailed to her laywer yet, she also asked if I was getting my own lawyer or are we doing a stipulated divorce.

At that point I informed her that 50/50 cutody is possible in the state and that it is up to her actions as to how ugly the D was going to get. I stated bottom line I want 50/50 custody and will fight for it. She seemed shocked. I heard from mutual friends that later that night she left work (on her last day mind you)because she had a "nervous breakdown" claiming that she was scared for D1's safety. (D1 was with me the whole night and we were asleep by 8 pm.

Now 5 days later, she started texting and calling like crazy all nice and like her old self. Apparently she dumped the OM and is planning to move elsewhere in town. She also changed her phone number and has been asking "who is it?" at the door buzzer, which she has never done before. Something bad must have went down.

In other news, D1 just had her adnoids removed and ear tubes replaced. Both W and I have worked great with teamwork on this. The night before the surgery W recinded her request to be at D1's surgery alone, which as hard as that would have been for me to do, I would have complied because I would have taken care of D1 the rest of the day.

As for me, I have started my new job and got my own place. I like it. I am still settling in, but am adjusting fast!

As for W's apparent change, I am very wary, but receptive with no expectations. I am keeping my nose to the grindstone and have lightened up on the dark situation due to D1's recent medical problems.

Stay tuned as the world turns...

[tested metal]

I found out why W is being so nice to me lately. Turns out last Saturday OM got arrested with simple assault and a felony charge of disrupting an emergency call. Sounds like he'll be going away for a long time.

According to Facebook W and OM are done, but I believe his stuff is still at her place.

As for me, I am doing ok. I am adjusting to the new job and digs and I like it.

I have noticed now that OM is out of the picture, I wonder about what W is doing more, than when OM was in the picture. I wonder who's next. I guess I have more GALing to do.

[tested metal]

Update-

I retained a L yesterday because I was getting pressured by W's L for contact info. so she could file opening complaint.

Within an hour of getting the L, my L called me telling me that the OM's assault was on W, while D1 was in the apartment. Apparently he hit her, pushed her to the ground, and slapped the phone out of her hand while she truied to call 911. Then W locked herself in D1's room while D1 was sleeping in there and waited until police arrived.

Needless to say I am a little unnerved that this happened to W and I am concerned for her. I am also angry that she put D1 in that position by living with the D-Bag in the 1st place.

The silver lining is that if W tries to get full custody, her chances will be slim now due to this incident and the people with whom she associates.

I am noticing myself crying more and getting it out of my system as although W is very nice to me, like old W used to be (probably to distract me from the assault, she does not know that I know about it), she is still pursuing the D.

I do realize know that W has major issues regarding her self esteem as efore I met her she went out with abusive guys. She said I was her prince and was completely different. Then she dumped me for another abusive D-Bag. I guess that is what she will have to work out in life.

As for me I now see how I tried to overcompensate for her past by avoiding conflict and not wanting to be lumped in with her past abusive boyfriends. This led me to be more passive and allowed her to have too much control over the relationship and frankly...me.

[tested metal]

THe spam has hit the fan today as W was informed by her laywer that I am fighting her on getting full custody of D1. W called me crying a saying that I am trying to take her daughter away from her. I explained to her that my response is just a standard response to a complaint and that we can settle things in mediation, but I would not loose any more time with D1.

W is now sending me e-mails demanding that I change the paperwork.

Ugh this is hard to do. I hate to see W in pain like this, but I need to protect myself and our daughter.

Hopefully W will wake up and smell the coffee someday...

[Rick1963]

Hi Tested wow. I think you should speak to your L regarding your D's safety while OM is there. I would ask if he is abusing alchohol and or drugs. Usually assault of this type involves substances. This could affect her in regards to custody. Keep us updated buddy

[tested metal]

Yeah there is a 1 year restraining order between W and OM. The last time I talked to W when she spewed at me because of my legal response to her filing, she told me that she was going to make sure that "SOB" is going to prison. I am pretty sure they are through. My guess is she probably found someone else and he might have found out about it. I don't think she will stay single for very long. I don't think she can handle being alone.

I did confront her when she spewed at me by letting her know that I knew about the incident and that she put D1 at harm. I let her know that I am concerned for both their safety, but W is a big girl and needs to fend for herself if she is going to hook up with D-bags. She hung up sobbing saying "I'm a good mother" and "I have to be the primary parent because North Dakota is a Mom state."

As for alcohol, they both drank a lot, but there was no intoxication mentioned on the police report. My L and I have copies of the report, which nicely states that they have been living together since Christmas; he hit her and interrupted an emergency 911 call; he then pinned her to the ground; somehow she got away and locked herself in D1 room with D1 sleeping in it and made the call @ 11:59 pm.

My L said W pretty much sank herself with this new information.

As for myself I am learning more at my new job and enjoying the hours. I am slowing making my apartment a home and taking my time unpacking. I realize that I am procrastinating with unpacking because I am having a hard time letting go and accepting. But it is getting easier day by day.

I noticed this last week (almost as soon as I got a L) that women have been hitting on me like crazy. I still report that I am married and would never date anyone until D was final and I was ready, which will be awhile. It is nice to have the ego stroked though.