I wrote this elsewhere this am and thought I'd bring it over here because this is where I am in the process.

I think there's something to be said for "going to ground" to process things. I'm trying to develop that skill. I acted out based on my emotions far too many times for far too long...and here I am. I think you use your humor to deflect the deep feelings this is bringing up in you and I understand it's difficult to un-guard your heart as you might be hurt again. He's beginning to share with you, he's seemingly being vulnerable with you. Are you open to that? And by that I mean are you opening up to it, taking it in, allowing yourself to process it without judgment or expectation. Are you able to accept him as he is today.
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Ahhhh it's my lesson to me. Writing it out in this way helps me open MYSELF up to it. I have no real lessons for others, only experiences. I'm trying to detach from my "drugs of choice" anger, victimhood, righteous indignation, outrage and see what it's like to accept each person in my life just as they are, just as god made them. Those "drugs" kept me hopped up for so long, I loved that high of being right and in control, using my mind to cut someone down to size. But when the high was gone, I was left with me...just another scared, unhappy junkie looking for another hit.

Thank you for sharing that labug. That is exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I struggle with avoiding the pain of this moment by seeking a way to control this situation (instead of just me) or avoid by feeling "right" or victimized. None of these work for very long. It is time to face where I am and realize that I am okay, that I can get through this and that I can make a decision to grow and learn.

I often read your posts to others due to your wisdom. Thank you. ((( )))

I LOVE IT! I'm learning so much from just "knowing you". Love ya!

That's funny because those were my WAW's drugs before the split and only since then have I started using them.

I'm going to try and take your advice, let go of that stuff, and open up. I've been doing mindfulness meditations for weeks now, but it is still really hard not to judge.

Good luck on going cold turkey. Thanks for your thoughts.

Thanks for sharing Bug!

((((Bug)))))

I'm glad it helped you. Without admitting the hard stuff we can't move on.

Accepting others as they are doesn't mean we have to like what we are accepting but that they have their own life, their own journey.

We spur growth in each other.

That's the beauty of the group process.

The secret is to just keep doing it.

You're welcome, SAIS and ces!