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#2243927 - 05/09/12 10:58 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8542
Loc: Sonoran Desert
I wrote this elsewhere this am and thought I'd bring it over here because this is where I am in the process.

I think there's something to be said for "going to ground" to process things. I'm trying to develop that skill. I acted out based on my emotions far too many times for far too long...and here I am. I think you use your humor to deflect the deep feelings this is bringing up in you and I understand it's difficult to un-guard your heart as you might be hurt again. He's beginning to share with you, he's seemingly being vulnerable with you. Are you open to that? And by that I mean are you opening up to it, taking it in, allowing yourself to process it without judgment or expectation. Are you able to accept him as he is today.
...
Ahhhh it's my lesson to me. Writing it out in this way helps me open MYSELF up to it. I have no real lessons for others, only experiences. I'm trying to detach from my "drugs of choice" anger, victimhood, righteous indignation, outrage and see what it's like to accept each person in my life just as they are, just as god made them. Those "drugs" kept me hopped up for so long, I loved that high of being right and in control, using my mind to cut someone down to size. But when the high was gone, I was left with me...just another scared, unhappy junkie looking for another hit.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2243931 - 05/09/12 11:06 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: labug]
needgrace Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 1344
Thank you for sharing that labug. That is exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I struggle with avoiding the pain of this moment by seeking a way to control this situation (instead of just me) or avoid by feeling "right" or victimized. None of these work for very long. It is time to face where I am and realize that I am okay, that I can get through this and that I can make a decision to grow and learn.

I often read your posts to others due to your wisdom. Thank you. ((( )))
_________________________
Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13

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#2243933 - 05/09/12 11:06 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: labug]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
I LOVE IT! I'm learning so much from just "knowing you". Love ya!
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2243955 - 05/09/12 12:17 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: labug]
AlwaysTrying Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/11
Posts: 243
Originally Posted By: labug
I'm trying to detach from my "drugs of choice" anger, victimhood, righteous indignation, outrage and see what it's like to accept each person in my life just as they are, just as god made them. Those "drugs" kept me hopped up for so long, I loved that high of being right and in control, using my mind to cut someone down to size. But when the high was gone, I was left with me...just another scared, unhappy junkie looking for another hit.


That's funny because those were my WAW's drugs before the split and only since then have I started using them.

I'm going to try and take your advice, let go of that stuff, and open up. I've been doing mindfulness meditations for weeks now, but it is still really hard not to judge.

Good luck on going cold turkey. smile Thanks for your thoughts.
_________________________
- All for the kids -
Me:34, W:35
M:7, T:13
S6, D3 + my D15 from previous marriage
July 2011 "I think I need a separation"
W filed D September
Currently living apart - she has the house, I rent a room

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#2243984 - 05/09/12 01:57 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: AlwaysTrying]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
Thanks for sharing Bug!
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2244003 - 05/09/12 02:48 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: sayitaintso]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1021
((((Bug)))))
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

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#2244107 - 05/09/12 09:38 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: needgrace]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8542
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Originally Posted By: needgrace
Thank you for sharing that labug. That is exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I struggle with avoiding the pain of this moment by seeking a way to control this situation (instead of just me) or avoid by feeling "right" or victimized. None of these work for very long. It is time to face where I am and realize that I am okay, that I can get through this and that I can make a decision to grow and learn.

I often read your posts to others due to your wisdom. Thank you. ((( )))


I'm glad it helped you. Without admitting the hard stuff we can't move on.

Accepting others as they are doesn't mean we have to like what we are accepting but that they have their own life, their own journey.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2244108 - 05/09/12 09:39 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: RoRoinMD]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8542
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Originally Posted By: RoRoinMD
I LOVE IT! I'm learning so much from just "knowing you". Love ya!


We spur growth in each other.

That's the beauty of the group process.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

Top
#2244109 - 05/09/12 09:44 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: AlwaysTrying]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8542
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Quote:

I'm going to try and take your advice, let go of that stuff, and open up. I've been doing mindfulness meditations for weeks now, but it is still really hard not to judge.

Good luck on going cold turkey. smile Thanks for your thoughts.


The secret is to just keep doing it.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

Top
#2244110 - 05/09/12 09:45 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8542
Loc: Sonoran Desert
You're welcome, SAIS and ces!
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

Top
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