hi llabug - i felt exactly the same after h left - kept seeing his behaviors in s. so decided that if i can "practice" my changes on s, then i knew that i was one step closer to being able to do them with h/
just use your son to find out what you can still change within yourself.
a lovely affirmation for myself and maybe for you?
"By embracing inner peace over instant gratification, I take responsibility for my own happiness. Living in the moment enables me to enjoy life's endless wonders"
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
I can relate to this as well. I have the book on my Nook, but haven't read it yet. Since one of my goals is to read one chapter a night of a M/R book, guess I'll put this one closer to the top of my list.
One of the things we like to remind each other of in the MLC forum...
While reading R/M books is wonderful and necessary, please don't forget to read something fun too...
Make it one of your goals maybe...
Cat - I agree!!! I love to read, and basically left my love of books when my H dropped the bomb. Picking it back up now. Currently readin the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich. Saw the first movie and fell in love with the character.
Yes, my life is pretty peaceful(Generalissimo Francisco Franco is Still Dead) because I work at making it so. I could get into spinning mode over things but choose not to. Occasionally a little wobbly spin starts but I'm able to put the brakes on before I become a Whirling Dervish.
I actually saw Whirling Dervishes perform, amazing!
I'm also working more than I was earlier on and while it's good because it decreases my financial worries it does cut into ME time.
I've seen H more in the last couple of weeks than I did in the previous year. No kidding. It's been for various reasons mostly having to do with S19. We had a joint appt with S19's T and an observer would not have known we're separated. No differences from previous interactions in that office other than references to "his" house and "my" house. It was a good problem solving appt. He talked, a lot. I listened.
On Sunday he was here to pick up S19 as they were going to change the oil in H's truck (his wrist is still out of commission). I asked if they had a place to work in the shade as it's consistently in the high 90s here. He said they were going to his Mom's but he was not thrilled with that prospect (long-story). I offered my garage, he thought about for it awhile and agreed. I even offered the use of all MY tools. Or maybe I should have termed it visitation.
I left them to their work and I went off to GAL.
I've been thinking a lot about anger and resentment since my outburst with S19 a couple of weeks ago. It really scared me as my anger is usually the P/A kind, almost never overt. I've slammed a few doors in my day but never kicked a chair or slammed a wall.
I've worked on tracing the root of my anger; what I've found is that shame and feeling invalidated, less than, my imperfection being "found out", are consistently my triggers.
And when that anger comes on it is so fast.
I've read that the brain processes anger 200 to 5,000 times faster than you can say, “I feel angry." So the work is to retrain the brain to manage emotions under stress.
That should keep me busy for a while.
But it's good to feel in control of self and makes it easier to allow others to have control of themselves. The more confident I feel in myself the less need I have to control my environment because I feel I can handle any circumstance that arises.
Thanks all who stopped by in the last couple of weeks.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss