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#2239337 - 04/19/12 11:58 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: fightingforit]
YankeeCandle Offline
Member

Registered: 02/26/12
Posts: 335
Good one Fighting! Amazon - now that's my real shame-fear dynamic, haha!

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#2239338 - 04/19/12 11:59 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: fightingforit]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
hi llabug - i felt exactly the same after h left - kept seeing his behaviors in s. so decided that if i can "practice" my changes on s, then i knew that i was one step closer to being able to do them with h/

just use your son to find out what you can still change within yourself.

a lovely affirmation for myself and maybe for you?

"By embracing inner peace over instant gratification, I take responsibility for my own happiness. Living in the moment enables me to enjoy life's endless wonders"

zig smile
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2239343 - 04/20/12 12:11 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: fightingforit]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/12
Posts: 871
I can relate to this as well. I have the book on my Nook, but haven't read it yet. Since one of my goals is to read one chapter a night of a M/R book, guess I'll put this one closer to the top of my list.
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2239348 - 04/20/12 12:36 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: RoRoinMD]
cat04 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/31/09
Posts: 2235
Ro and others,

One of the things we like to remind each other of in the MLC forum...

While reading R/M books is wonderful and necessary, please don't forget to read something fun too...

Make it one of your goals maybe... smile
_________________________

"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox

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#2239393 - 04/20/12 03:41 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: cat04]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/12
Posts: 871
Originally Posted By: cat04
Ro and others,

One of the things we like to remind each other of in the MLC forum...

While reading R/M books is wonderful and necessary, please don't forget to read something fun too...

Make it one of your goals maybe... smile


Cat - I agree!!! I love to read, and basically left my love of books when my H dropped the bomb. Picking it back up now. Currently readin the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich. Saw the first movie and fell in love with the character.
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2239396 - 04/20/12 03:57 AM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: RoRoinMD]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8877
Loc: Sonoran Desert
I've read all of those. I forgot about the movie-I'll have to see if it's on Netflix yet.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2240066 - 04/23/12 04:00 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: labug]
gunny Offline
Member

Registered: 08/22/11
Posts: 682
Loc: new jersey
hi Lady,
Just stopping in to say hello, hope you are well,
_________________________
m 53
XW 47
m 12
t 14
bomb 6-11
s 10-11
wife moved to other state 10-21-11
d 9-12

O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!

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#2240408 - 04/24/12 05:18 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: gunny]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1024
Hey Bug, how's life in the desert this week?
_________________________
Me:45, W:44
S:15, D:12
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
2 attempts at MC-stopped 09/13
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

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#2240691 - 04/25/12 05:05 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: ces67]
zig Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 1855
Loc: KS
hi labug - does not posting so much mean you are doing great and life is going well and peacefully for you? i hope so - you deserve it

thanks for stopping by and checking in on me a couple of days ago - it reminded me that THIS is the place to find my sanity and focus, not in the craziness that is going on around me.

((( )))
zig
_________________________
me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"


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#2240950 - 04/26/12 04:13 PM Re: Room for Improvement [Re: zig]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8877
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Yes, my life is pretty peaceful(Generalissimo Francisco Franco is Still Dead) because I work at making it so. I could get into spinning mode over things but choose not to. Occasionally a little wobbly spin starts but I'm able to put the brakes on before I become a Whirling Dervish.

I actually saw Whirling Dervishes perform, amazing!

I'm also working more than I was earlier on and while it's good because it decreases my financial worries it does cut into ME time.

I've seen H more in the last couple of weeks than I did in the previous year. No kidding. It's been for various reasons mostly having to do with S19. We had a joint appt with S19's T and an observer would not have known we're separated. No differences from previous interactions in that office other than references to "his" house and "my" house. It was a good problem solving appt. He talked, a lot. I listened.

On Sunday he was here to pick up S19 as they were going to change the oil in H's truck (his wrist is still out of commission). I asked if they had a place to work in the shade as it's consistently in the high 90s here. He said they were going to his Mom's but he was not thrilled with that prospect (long-story). I offered my garage, he thought about for it awhile and agreed. I even offered the use of all MY tools. Or maybe I should have termed it visitation. smile

I left them to their work and I went off to GAL.

I've been thinking a lot about anger and resentment since my outburst with S19 a couple of weeks ago. It really scared me as my anger is usually the P/A kind, almost never overt. I've slammed a few doors in my day but never kicked a chair or slammed a wall.

I've worked on tracing the root of my anger; what I've found is that shame and feeling invalidated, less than, my imperfection being "found out", are consistently my triggers.

And when that anger comes on it is so fast.

I've read that the brain processes anger 200 to 5,000 times faster than you can say, “I feel angry." So the work is to retrain the brain to manage emotions under stress.

That should keep me busy for a while.

But it's good to feel in control of self and makes it easier to allow others to have control of themselves. The more confident I feel in myself the less need I have to control my environment because I feel I can handle any circumstance that arises.

Thanks all who stopped by in the last couple of weeks.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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