Time to take out the trash

[mindfull]

Hi 2thepoint.

Interesting.

I spent too many years, and way too many threads here not to relate to you.

And, you are NOT living.

You are existing.

I would be mortified if I had to start OVER after, HOW many threads of work ?!?!?

Lose the fear. Lead. Pave the way to a new future with OR without your wife.

It's amazing what happens when you live for you , and not them.

It's not selfish. It's propelling yourself out if limbo.

[ces67]

2 - From one nice guy to another... What do you want to do differently?

We are in the same limbo and we both want to move forward and we both want it to be in a direction that will heal our Ms.

No real advice to offer, just support that you're not alone in this struggle. You've grown a lot through all this. But as people our need to grow never stops. What do you want for yourself that you can control?

Good luck! I'm still praying about that job for you as well. Hate the waiting part.....

[2thepoint]

Yes. Lose the fear. That, and do something different from what you've been doing so far, because it's not working.

What do you have to lose by trying?

Starsky

Starsky - that ^^^ is what I fear...the unknown or the possibility of seeing things through to D. I know, I may be headed there regardless. I want out of limbo but will I necessarily land in a better place. This is what I fear I guess.

2tP, I think you're looking at this the wrong way.

It's not a matter of "am I heading toward that (a divorce) regardless?"

Rather, look at it as

"Is the current situation (a marriage with a third person in it, and an unrepentant wife who is disrespecting your marriage and YOU having to live somewhere else other than in your OWN HOME) something you can live with? Is it something you can abide? Does it violate your core integrity in an "I'm sorry, this-is-not-who-I-am" way?

To me, that's the beauty of boundaries, or -- as I like to call them -- "My Boundaries of Personal Integrity." Only YOU know what they are, but they should be a very short list; your "dealbreakers," as it were . . . those things that you, as a person with your values, morals and ethics, simply CANNOT ABIDE.

And this is how it works, in practical application: If you decide that "I will not live in an open marriage," and you state that as a boundary to a cheating spouse, and if that drives them away from you, and toward the other person? Well, then that's THEIR CHOICE, and them cheating -- and staying with me -- wasn't an option for me anyway, based on my own authenticity and values, so what have I lost?

All I've lost in that instance is something that I could not have abided anyway.Starsky

------> "My Boundaries of Personal Integrity." <------

I really like this ^^^! Something for me to remember. Thanks for sharing, Starsky!

[2thepoint]

"And, you are NOT living.

You are existing."

So damn pathetic... and true!

"Lose the fear. Lead. Pave the way to a new future with OR without your wife.

It's amazing what happens when you live for you , and not them.

It's not selfish. It's propelling yourself out if limbo."

Working on it...

[labug]

Just don't lose you, 2.

[mindfull]

2.

Listen. My words come from a place of feeling that pathetic for YEARS!!!

Some of us pay it forward now, because, we are so damn happy that we chose to move on in our way... For ourselves. And, believe it or not, some of us had the choice, in the end, to do it alone, OR w/our prior WAS.

Remember. We are all offering our opinions. A lot of them will feel uncomfortable. Looking back, those are the ones I should have acted on immediately!

[2thepoint]

I was feeling pretty sh!tty late yesterday/evening. Had a brief interaction with W yesterday regarding tax matters, She gets really testy with me for no apparent reason. So I walk out of the room and then leave altogether.

My business partner has been annoying the crap out of me lately and after a 30 minute conversation, I was ready to go jump off a cliff....except there are no cliffs around here.

Maybe I should go take out the trash again. There is something oddly therapeutic about that activity.

Late in the evening, W sends me a text: "I apologize. I'm a bitch." I did not respond.

Roommate comes home late, sees that I am in a dark mood asks whats up, I unload then he says lets go drink some beer and play some pool. It's great to have friends!

[Starsky309]

Late in the evening, W sends me a text: "I apologize. I'm a bitch." I did not respond.

Better: "Apology accepted," and maybe a "This is incredibly difficult on all of us" if you want. But try to see if you can begin to get off the wild passive-aggressive swings, and get to a more evenhanded communication style and even DBing strategy with your wife.


Starsky

[2thepoint]

Late in the evening, W sends me a text: "I apologize. I'm a bitch." I did not respond.

Better: "Apology accepted," and maybe a "This is incredibly difficult on all of us" if you want. But try to see if you can begin to get off the wild passive-aggressive swings, and get to a more evenhanded communication style and even DBing strategy with your wife.


Starsky

Good idea for next time. Funny, but I've been making similar efforts when we have had others disturbances. Taking ownership for when I'm at fault and her doing the same. And it seemed to have been working. She has had reason to apologize a half dozen times in the past month. I think her heart med is probably part of the problem. It is just getting very tiring.

[Mach1]

Funny, but I've been making similar efforts when we have had others disturbances. Taking ownership for when I'm at fault and her doing the same. And it seemed to have been working. She has had reason to apologize a half dozen times in the past month. I think her heart med is probably part of the problem. It is just getting very tiring.

See any irony in that ^^^^

Cause, if you meant that you are letting her own her own things....

Then

I think her heart med is probably part of the problem.

That ^^^ shouldn't exist...


jus sayin