NOTICE: We are running maintenance and pruning the forums this week and next. If there are any Topics or Posts you want to keep, please save them asap, as they may be deleted.
WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO KEEP THE FORUMS UP AND RUNNING. HOWEVER, THERE MAY BE TIMES DURING THIS PROCESS WHEN THEY ARE DOWN. THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING.
Ok here is the deal. We were hanging out as a family a good amount. Huge family BBQ. Kids events. Turned a few things down. She invited me to neighbors and she even talked future talk. (indirect) Overall good balance etc.
HERE IS UNDISPUTABLE FACT: My W when she ovulates turns into a person I don't even know. It can last around 5 days. This is when and ONLY when she threatens me with D and asks to sell house and end marriage. Let me repeat this. This is the ONLY time I get these threats. When she took rings off that was the week. Everytime like clockworks. When I told you guys she was txting me to sell house that month she was in this state. It is beyond anything I'VE EVER seen. If you have time to google PMMD and read up on this it is pretty much her in a nutshell. My life. Almost living with someone that is bipolar.
I've been learning with counselor to identify this and not feed into it and not react..I'm trying very hard this week to give her even more space and not feed into this absolute insanity. Just to avoid 1 month without D talks etc.
She is in this state right now and she has instantly put the boundaries back up. Like a giant LIGHT switch. Let me tell you throw all your DB rules out the window when she is like this. Also. She doesn't just do it to me. She treats her own mother badly etc. She even can be short with the kids.
So I've increased GAL activities this week and trying to make myself less available unless related to kids..
Here is another problem. I'm not sure I can live my life with someone like this. I've been thinking long and hard lately about it. I mean it is a giant swing. I'm slightly more detached then I was before but I've really been thinking. Do I really want to live with someone like this who is in COMPLETE denial and on top of it I can't even bring the topic up at all.
Anyways that is where the hamster is at. Not much I can do really but continue to work on myself. I can't control her to get help. She needs it. She uses me and the separation as excuses on why she feels this way. Everytime she has a new excuse etc..
At the end of the day I'm getting better with handling the situation and the anxiety with it but it really has taken a toll on me.
I've started to think about an exit plan for the first time since being separated. Not a good thought but that is where I am at right now.
Next big milestone is lease is up June 1 and I need to let these guys know before that.
Ham - I think you should renew your lease for another 6 months. Then play it by ear. If your W is indeed having these tremendous mood swings there is probably some medication that can be taken to help address the problem.
Obviously you know your w best and what you are able to tolerate but if part of the problem is related to her monthly cycle, that seems like a treatable condition.
Can you hold out and continue to DB while she works her way through the crisis, all the while showing her the new and improved You? Is it worth your effort? Only you know.
Try to hang in there!
Me48 W50 S15 S11 M20 T23 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
2thepoint I'm a little worried at this point. She is in complete denial of it. Obviously I can't bring it up in our current situation.
I mean listen last week. Invites me to things. Buys me pants! Dinners. You name it. This hits and BOOM. Doesn't even want me around. I've learned to not react to it this time around and this is probably the ONLY reason no D threats. Its like trying to rationalize with a 2 year old.
The other problem is she has been to so many dr's telling her she needs to take vit d, b's etc.. My W will NOT take a pill. Not a one. The only other option is birth control and she can't take it cuz of her age and her heart.
Yoga would help but she doesn't do that. Plus the whole time she blames me. let me tell you I'm in a giant catch 22 and always have been. Like I said I'm not a bad guy. I'm getting better and better each week from counseling.
Is it worth hanging on. Absolutely I have the cinderella life on paper. Nice house, vacation house, and beautiful kids. They are perfect.
I'm not sure how she will ever see it isn't me causing this until I'm completely gone. Honestly wish you guys could understand the light switch in the mood swing. It is indescribable.
Only reason and I mean only reason I have not gotten d threats this month is because I recognized the state and avoided her and if I have seen her i was semi detached from her moods while around her.
I'm talking hanging out at the park and getting invites to the neighbors house to I don't want you around period. No joke.
Anyways. NADA I can do. But work on me. I'm not sure how she can address the issue when she doesn't think she has one. Like telling alcoholic they need AA