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#2225748 - 02/28/12 01:24 PM DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5)
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Hello Friends, Romans and Countrymen:

I just read for the first time, the six stages of a MLC. I do think she is in a MLC but add the childhood psyche issues into the mix and its a hornet's nest.

I think she's coming out of replay stage and entering the depression stage. I see now how much time each of these stages can take. The vets were right, this can take a long time.

This may sound odd but I'm actually enjoying the part about focusing on myself. It's like I have been granted this time out and the ability to evaluate my whole life and see where I developed harmful habits, know why and where they came from, and realize that I know how to move beyond them into a better realm. I'm not sure if this chance would have ever came if she didn't have this happen to her, or maybe it would have come about in some other fashion.

I do really miss having a partner. Maybe this was the only way to get to a place of having a much better partnership. Who knows? Maybe I would have been different had I been with someone else? Hard to say.

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#2225754 - 02/28/12 01:35 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
nhmom Offline
Member

Registered: 12/20/11
Posts: 345
hey there!

Glad to see you're alive and well! I've read somewhere that childhood issues can play a big role in MLC's.

I applaud you for taking the time to focus on yourself. I read a wise person's comment on someone's thread that the WAS is giving the LBS a gift, the gift of time. You have "received" this gift well. I wish I could say the same for me. But because you are doing so well focusing on yourself, it gives me inspiration and motivation to do the same!
_________________________
Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11



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#2225755 - 02/28/12 01:38 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 981
Originally Posted By: rickb89
I just read for the first time, the six stages of a MLC. I do think she is in a MLC but add the childhood psyche issues into the mix and its a hornet's nest.


Hey Rick, just curious where you saw these 6 stages? Thanks.
_________________________
Me:44, W:43
S:15, D:11
M:21, T:24
Bomb: July 2010
Stopped MC for 2nd time late summer 2013
Dropping the rope...

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#2225810 - 02/28/12 04:18 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: ces67]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: ces67
Originally Posted By: rickb89
I just read for the first time, the six stages of a MLC. I do think she is in a MLC but add the childhood psyche issues into the mix and its a hornet's nest.


Hey Rick, just curious where you saw these 6 stages? Thanks.


Go to Active Topics/MLC Resources/thread - 6 stages of MLC by Heart Blessings. It really fits what I'm seeing but will have to read this a few times and chew on it a while. Best of luck to you CES!

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#2225828 - 02/28/12 05:49 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: nhmom]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: nhmom
hey there!

Glad to see you're alive and well! I've read somewhere that childhood issues can play a big role in MLC's.

Makes sense and considering her trauma at at early age I'm not suprised. It's like she lived in a self protective shell for ever and it finally erupted. Now she has to figure out all the answers at once, answers that you and I figured out for ourselves as we lived our lives. It's sad for me to think I have been married to someone who never really knew herself, and that means I never really knew her either.

I applaud you for taking the time to focus on yourself. I read a wise person's comment on someone's thread that the WAS is giving the LBS a gift, the gift of time.

[color:#CC0000]I think Mach posted that comment[/color].

You have "received" this gift well. I wish I could say the same for me. But because you are doing so well focusing on yourself, it gives me inspiration and motivation to do the same!


I think we all prop each other up where needed. Some days I help someone, somedays they help me.

I really think you have a good chance that your H will return to earth. Just keep calm as best you can, and vent her or anywhere but to him! I'm realizing that no matter how much time this takes, whatever we think we can handle, it will take longer than that for our spouses to figure themselves out and realize the love of their life is right their with them already.

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#2225891 - 02/28/12 10:09 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
Rick I think Purg was looking for you over on her thread. Here is the LINK . Look for post # 2225183.

Hope you are doing well today.
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2225892 - 02/28/12 10:10 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: rickb89]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
Rick, I don't think it's odd at all to be "enjoying" this time to yourself. I think in M, it's so easy to have lives that are so intertwined that it's hard to realize where one person ends and the other begins. And although this situation is a super downer.. There is a beauty in rediscovering ourselves as individuals.

As for your question about being different of you were with someone else.. Yes you would be. Different people.. Different dynamics. Maybe you would have been kinder.. Maybe not. No sense in wondering the what ifs. Because maybe you wouldn't be the father of 3 wonderful boys.. And maybe you wouldn't have the "adopted" daughter.. And maybe you wouldn't have ended up here on the boards to be the speedo wearing eggplant!!

You have been an incredibly supportive friend to many here so.. I wouldn't have my life any other way. I don't think you would either wink
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2225902 - 02/28/12 10:15 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: barely floating]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7794
Loc: Sonoran Desert
laugh laugh laugh speedo wearing eggplant!
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2225907 - 02/28/12 10:24 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: labug]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2439
Loc: Piney Land
Rick and Labug may have learning disabilities or ADHD? Dunno .
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






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#2225910 - 02/28/12 10:24 PM Re: DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 5) [Re: 2thepoint]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Thanks 2Pac hope you're well too!

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