Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[SunFunOne]

C2H: Acknowledging it is the first step. Now you have to make a list of positive things you can do to stop sabotaging your progress.

I had a really tough time with it too. Accepting the reality of it was just killing me (and stresswise - it was). Finally I started trying the Stop Sign technique. When I started to think about him and her or the situation - I allowed myself just a minute to think about it then I said STOP and I redirected. I had to read, watch tv, do housework, phone a friend etc. But I forced myself to redirect.

I had to work seriously on my need to tell everyone what he did to me. I realized they were starting to glaze over. I was driving them away. With you - you have not healed yourself first and instead - against the advice you've been given - jumped into new Rs. And you got hurt all over again. You are SO not ready. And you are sending out the negative vibes and the "I'm not over what my wife did to me" message which prospective dates can read all over you.

Are you still in counselling? If not - go back. I had gone for a year then backed off. Then after some time - I went back again. Reassess. Make new goals. Get another opinion. A professional one.

And stop going near your ex wife's house other than to pull in the driveway and pick up the girls. Don't talk to the girl's about their mother. They have a right to love her without feeling "tainted" about it. And your ex wife has every right to date. She is divorced from you. Don't create drama where none should exist. Not for her, not for your daughters, not for new guy and especially not for yourself.

You know - sometimes we are our own worst enemies. Whoever angers us, also controls us. Do you really want to give your ex that power???? I'll bet she's not worrying about you.

Count your positives. You have many. I'll get you started.

1. You are a very good dad. Very involved with your girls.

Hang in there. It is still early days. Really it is. I was probably in a very similar place at the 2.5 year mark.

Barb

[ClingingToHope]

So Tuesday performance came and went. It was a series of nine different groups of kids performing skits and it was painfully bad.

Only two groups got applause. These two girls that D13 has had some competitive issues did a fine job on their skit and got applause.

Then D13 came out in a witch costume, doing a scene from wicked. There were two other girls -- D13's friends -- in the scene, but they were really window dressing. It was pretty much D13's scene. She picked it and basically directed it and nailed it.

They got the most applause and D13 just soaked up the attention after. If she really works at it, she can go pretty far in theater. She likes to be comfortable though.

I sat far to the left of XW, ex-MIL and D9. I'd been told beforehand BF wouldn't be there.

During play, I get a text. XW locked her keys in her car. Can I give ex-MIL and D9 a ride to get something to eat after. I said yes.

Instead, I ended up driving all of them home and it was bizarre. I gave ex-MIL a book I got for free at newspaper about Broadway. She was really happy.

When it was over a weight was off my shoulders. I get myself in such emotional knotts for these 'family' events where I know I'm going to have to see XW.

Next morning that developer friend of mine forwarded me a link of a man telling an audience the three things he learned when his plane crashed.

It was short and the most important thing to take away from it is he's going to eliminate negative energy from his life and try to be the best dad possible. He's still married. Still, I've been working on that for the past few days. Anytime negative energy creeps into my brain, take a deep breath and think of something else. Last year, I had a rallying cry that worked for a while. I just want everyone to come to my funeral. Some took it the wrong way, like I expect to die soon. I don't expect to die for a long, long time. When I do, I want EVERYONE I came in contact with to take time out to see me off.

The negative energy thing makes sense to me. Every time I see a picture of XW, or hear her voice or see her I just tense up. She's negative energy. I've been beating myself up for avoiding her, but she's probably always going to be negative energy.

[ClingingToHope]

Got a break this week. Co worker had the key umpiring gear -- mask, chest protector, shin guards. So that's $100+ initial cost I don't have to make.

That'll help.

At library with girls. D9 is reading to me as I type. Just finished responding to XW's email about summer camps. After pushing her to come up with a schedule where D13 wasn't left home alone she did just that.

D13 will spend a week with friends. A week with her grandmother. A week volunteering at camp. Two weeks in camp and the rest with either XW or I.

That works.

In the D agreement, I got in that I had to pay for the cost of five weeks of summer. Since I always take three or fouor weeks of vacation in the summer, that just leaves me a week I have to pay for. There's an extra week of summer though this year because there were no snow days.

Anyway, my cost for summer is going to be about $500.

If I don't get any running faces, the umpiring money will have to make that up. I was stressing this morning ... but that's negative energy.

I'm doing well taking a deep breath each time negative energy sinks in. It's such a familiar feeling. My brain stops, my hearts start beating and my body tenses up. The deep breath helps.

I'm going to pack up the computer. D13 just found us and we're going to the Y.

I have them through Tuesday because of spring break. Monday is my 43rd birthday. My only real plans with the girls are to pig out on carrot cake.

Church-31 and I are texting. I'm taking over as co-leader of our Growth Group. I am awfully busy, but I've made several really good friends through this group so when the former leader said she wanted to step down I decided to step up and keep it alive.

[ClingingToHope]

Just finished 4 1/2 days with girls. It's their spring break. I took Monday off to celebrate my 43rd birthday with them -- then ended up having to work for five hours.

So I stayed home today as well. I really, really, really had a good extended weekend with them. No arguments. Laid back, lazy days for the most part, but we got out bikeriding and swimming. D13 is heading in the right direction with her health. I've noticed she's cut way down on portions and she spends a lot of time bike riding or working on her dancing.

XW came and got them at 5:30 p.m. and I headed to meeting with the developer I'm supposed to be writing the book for.

He was in a lousy mood. He's actually taking his STBXW on vacation with him and his kids for 11 days to Australia. Basically, the 9-year-old daughter has sided with the mom and stopped coming to see him. He hasn't seen her since January. So he invited the STBXW with so the daughter would come to.

He's a great guy, but he's tempermental and I don't think this is going to turn out well. He's already complaining about changes STBXW wants to make on trip.

Finally, I said why not let her call all the shots for the 11 days. Just sit back and be the arranger. Give her an itinerary and if she doesn't like it, change it, no questions asked.

He's mulling it over.

Busy few weeks coming up. Volunteering a couple of services this week at church. April 19 trustee's meeting for bankruptcy. Then refinance 401(k) loan to pay off car. Need to finish getting umpiring gear so I can start doing that in May. Need to apply for passports for August trip. Need to pay for two summer camps for girls. Need to blog, blog, blog for sister to pay for those camps. Need to work on developer book because the next time I'll get paid for that is in July. Starting own church growth group April 19. D13's school play is April 20. D9's dance recital is May 12. Keep on schedule on workouts. Plasma donations twice a week.

It's hard to explain to people how and why I fit all that in. It's easy once you break it down. It's either money (working), kids (recital, plays, passports) or social (growth group).

If it doesn't fit in one of those categories, I push it aside.

Church-31 says I love to be busy. That's true to a point. I stay busy so I don't stare at the walls. But most of this is stuff I HAVE to do. That's a big difference.

Couple of XW notes. She sent me a message offering to switch weekends with me in April. I'd asked earlier this year how she wanted to handle weekends I might be working at the running race company. She turned down offers to switch last year and her initial reaction this year was to just take them when I'd be out of town. No switching.

Now, out of the blue, she's offering to switch. Right away, I guessed she probably wants to do something with the BF. I had a convenient out though. Since running race company didn't ask us to work in March, I have no idea if we'll be asked at the end of this month. We may be out with that company so I may have no weekend conflicts.

So I didn't turn it down. I said I wasn't sure I'd need to switch any weekends.

I haven't looked for a response. I've made a pact not to check my personal email until I'm at work. I don't want anything from her messing with my weekends anymore.

She's negative energy and I'm trying to eliminate it from my life. Someday I have to get to the point where I don't care what her motivations are. That's a long, long, long way off though.

[ClingingToHope]

Hey hey, baseball's opening day. I had to end a 10-year tradition of driving 5 1/2 hours to watch the opening day game in Cincinnati. Since we didn't get asked to work a running race in March, which I was counting on, I didn't get the $350 that annually pays for the trip.

Plus, the friend who went with me every year moved to Vegas for a job. And next year, if opening day is the same week as spring break for the girls, I'd miss it anyway because we're going to Florida.

So really I'm not that disappointed. I'll see my favorite team this year when they come to Milwaukee and Chicago.

All is good.

[ClingingToHope]

Sigh ... I track bankruptcies for the newspaper. So once a month I go through and count the ones filed locally and see if there are any interesting cases. And I'm on this month's report.

Oh well.

[kat727]

That is where I was lucky. The L that I had was located between Kansas City and here. He did most of his cases in KC. I said what is an hour drive for one day? Nothing.

Besides my boss felt relieved that my name wouldn't appear in the local paper...Geeezzz.

kat

[ClingingToHope]

I haven't heard a word from anyone on the bankruptcy although I have gotten a lot of solicitations in the mail.

I'm just glad that's almost over with.

Took tomorrow off to be with the girls, but D13 will be babysitting from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. So it'll be just me and D9 for a few hours.

As of right now I don't have much planned for the weekend. That worries me a little bit, but I also have to watch my pennies for a couple of weeks.

[ClingingToHope]

Managed to scrape together a good weekend. Little wistful though.

Friday I had the girls during the day -- we lazed around mostly -- then headed to my church's Good Friday service.

XW texted me and wanted me to keep them later because she had dinner with her "mom." I texted I already had plans at 7:30 p.m. and the girls would be waiting for her.

I've basically figured out whenever she gives me specifics, she's lying. It likely was dinner with BF.

No matter. I had an interesting evening. I met up with my divorced buddy who is very desperate to find someone. He really feels lost without a woman in his life. He was out with a bunch of his co-workers. I met up with them. We hit another restaurant.

I'd texted Church_31, now Church-32 earlier in the day with a scheduling question about our growth group. We're now co-leaders. I took over for one of the prior co-leaders.

So that started a series of texts and in the end I invited her to meet us when she got off work.

She actually did. I was pretty shocked and really happy. She stayed with us the final two hours. She sat next to me. Told me some new things I didn't know about her and her family and when everyone headed home I said goodnight.

Next day I volunteered for kids program at church since I really didn't have much going on during the day. When I was finished, I new some of my friends were going to be at a party on that side of town. Instead of wasting gas, I headed to the mall where Church_32 was working -- she's doing whatever side jobs she can while she's back in school for accounting.

I ran into two friends who are getting married in May. So I sat with them for a while, visited Church-32 -- who didn't know I was coming -- and later told the male friend in the couple how I took it as a good sign that Church-32 actually met my group the night before.

I sooooooooooooooooo want to think that maybe she's becoming more interested in me. I soooooooooooooooo don't think that's true. But I'm a romantic. You see the movies where the good guy gets the girl. That rarely happens in real life.

She still hasn't ever called or texted me first. I've always led the conversation.

Sigh ... Friday was pretty fun. It felt like an adrenaline rush.

Today, that couple invited me to his parents' house for Easter brunch. I was just going to do church, workout, watch the Masters and head into work and get caught up.

I skipped the heading into work part. Instead, I took half a sleeping pill so I won't lie awake pondering my life.

[ClingingToHope]

D9 called from school not feeling well and she wanted to be picked up. So I went and got her and I'm working from home.

Called attorney and set up meeting for Monday to sue the insurance company of the guy who hit us in November. Things were going swimmingly with this company until it was time to talk settlement. Then they stopped returning calls.

Oh well. I was hoping to get this settled without attorneys. Now, I'll have to give 33 percent of what we get over to the attorneys.

It's all found money anyway. My hope is the lawyers can get this finished before April 2013.