Outside the Scope of This Report 4

[WenikiTiki]

My friend made it through the surgery. She took a long time to wake up after. Several extra hours.

When we were following them pushing her to her room, I told a little joke. She said: "Ha Ha" and I felt good that she is going to be ok.

[job]

Wendy,
That is good news...now the battle of recovery will begin. She is going to need a lot of TLC and prayers in the days ahead. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers. She is going to need you for support in the days ahead.

Wendy, please be sure to take some time and pamper yourself so that you remain in good health.

[WenikiTiki]

So this is directed mostly at KML (Ellie). My random thread hopping got me to read a whole bunch of your threads. And Starting back at the beginning, I was so happy for you.

And it has taken me several days to plow through your posts. And I realized that there were a lot of themes we had in common. Like health issues, taking on huge projects to do something monumental with H, and so on. You climbed Mt. Whitney with your guy, I crossed the Pacific Ocean in a 36' catamaran with mine.

Anyway, I got sad and had to quit reading for now. But I'm up to 2010. You sound happy and together. I appreciate your posts to me.

Heck, everyone knows I appreciate all their posts. I ordered a book called Cut Loose. Because I need to get over, through, beyond this!

I had put a rubber band on my wrist to snap if I thought wistful thought about my H and my former imaginary great life. Ironically all it did was give me the giggles, because I decided I wasn't going to punish myself over him. I more wished I could snap him with it. (More giggles....)

Then I remembered he and I used to have EPIC rubberband ambush battles. We would shoot them for the cats to play with, and when I vacuumed I would put them in a bowl. Then we would go crazy shooting them at each other.

I'm going to keep all my good memories of him, and just let the nut job who lives in his body now go.

I hadn't heard a peep out of him all week. Got a text in the wee hours asking was someone going to pick him up at the airport. I almost responded "Who are you and how did you get this number?" but restrained myself.

Instead I texted back that S22 would pick him up. (Just like we discussed before he left....) I plan to be out at the movies when he gets home.

Hope he likes his new room.

[kml]

Hmmmm....2010, huh? I'm trying to remember what was happening then.
That was the year my first post-separation boyfriend dumped me for his long-lost college love, I believe. (No worries - he and I are still best friends, and he seems happy with her, so I am happy for him.) Also the year I went on my first tour playing glockenspiel and percussion for my best friend who is a professional musician. And the year my divorce was finalized.

2011 was the Year of the Cougar. I had some....interesting....dating experiences. I bought my house, sold my mom's house, and went on tour again.

Life hasn't all been a bowl of cherries, but I have to say, my life has generally been much more relaxed, happy, and relatively free of drama without my ex. I really have no complaints about the adventures I've had so far.

[WenikiTiki]

Hi All! I wrote a long post about the room switch and the computer ate it. I'll try again.

I picked H up at airport due to S22 being in the ER earlier in the day with Migraine, sinus infection, broncitis, asthma and allergic reaction causing his eye lids to swell up. (He just started a new job, something there triggered this....)

When I told H about the room he was angry. He threatned to move money. I told him to do what he has to, we will see lawyers, get the divorce rolling. Much more nastiness. I heard about his hard earned money, how I'm trying to control him, how he wants the master bedroom.

When I reminded him he said he would swith rooms he didn't remember that conversation. When I told him that if OW started back up with the texting/emailing me over this I would contact police he informed me that she broke up with him.

I told him I had made "HIS" bedroom nice for him and he exploded with rage that it wasn't "HIS" bedroom. I responded that it was now, he made the choice to leave the marraige, he get the guest room.

Then as I was pulling into driveway he said not to park straight, because he was leaving to stay on the boat. I got out, he jumped into the drivers seat and roared away. I sent a text reminding him to turn the wind genertor on for power.

I came up to bed. About 10 minutes later he came home and went to bed in his new room. I stayed out of the way.

One of the things he said on the ride was how he was looking forward to doing Easter with the family in the morning. I told him we were not doing it til later due to my DIL's work schedule.

I refrained from telling him that for any such plans to have been made he would have to have TALKED to someone, not just assume status quo.

I also made it plain that I am done and moving on. Very plain.

[kml]

So - OW breaks up with him, and he comes home to find things have shifted there too. This sends him spinning like a top. Very predictable.

I might just recommend here, that whether you want him back or not, you stick to the high road. You didn't boot him to the guest room to stick it to him, you did it because you needed the comfort of your old room during these painful times. It's ok to tell him that.

[WenikiTiki]

Thanks KML, I did tell him that. I said I have been feeling displaced and uncomfortable.

It is just past 7:30 here in Hawaii. I got up once in the middle of the night, when I posted. But slept fairly well, considering.

I just started messing with the Easter stuff, since the kids are coming this evening for an egg hunt. We always hide the baskets, too.

I have plans to wash the dogs, clean out the office closet and other busy work to stay out of his way today.

The book I ordered, "Cut Loose, Mostly Older Women Talk about Ending Mostly Long Term Relationships" came in the mail yesterday. Hopefully reading it will help me with my perspective over the next few weeks.

Happy Easter!

[BeingMe]

Wow, Wendy. Your H knows how to do a homecoming. I wonder if OW did break up with him. Mmmm! Sounds like he wanted your shoulder to cry on, and you gave him "I'm done" and "I'm claiming back the main bedroom". Sad for him, but good for you.

[WenikiTiki]

So at 9:30 he emerged from his man cave, gulped down a cup of OJ and left. I caught him going out the door and asked was he planning on being back in time for the grandkids this evening.

He said he didn't know, his life is shattered. I said "I don't know what to say except I'm sorry to hear that." Then he said he would probably be back by then.

He took off with no reguard to the fact that my older son is driving my car, which he will give back this evening. Guess I didn't want to go anywhere today! (Maybe I'll drive the motorcycle my son left here..........NOT!)

I do get total anxiety around my H. So I'm glad he took off. I can play loud music while I wash dogs and finish turning my office into a Woman Cave.

I decided the formal living room is too open, I would rather sit in a room where I can close the door for privacy. I would just sit up in the master bedroom, but my wireless doesn't reach there. Well sometimes, if you hold your mouth right!

I suppose this day will get more, not less interesting!

[kml]

He said he didn't know, his life is shattered. I said "I don't know what to say except I'm sorry to hear that."

Good job. Validate, but don't rescue him from this process. High road.

You are the kind and loving goddess that he was foolish enough to leave. You can afford to be generous and benevolent.

And truth be told - he's in a sad, painful place. He set a bomb off in his life, and now he has to face the wreckage without the dopamine high of the affair. This is a very painful, confusing place for the WAS to be - and they often really have no idea how they ended up there.