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#2234715 - 04/01/12 05:19 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: ThisDayForward]
Shaky Offline

Registered: 10/13/11
Posts: 68
Loc: Hillsboro,Or.

Don't help her. You will stay in limbo forever. Tell yourself the more you save her the longer this will drag out.

My advice is read (No more mister nice guy). Let her wear the big girl panties and deal with life.

M 42
W 41
S 10
D 7
M 15 Years
T 20 Years
Divorce busted

#2234722 - 04/01/12 07:29 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: Shaky]
ThisDayForward Offline

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Yeah I haven't been. It's her weekend . I took kids to fair but tgst was for kids only

#2234741 - 04/01/12 10:08 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Can I ask a question. I know I'm not remotely close but what are signs your W is trying to reconcile with you

#2234748 - 04/01/12 10:33 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: ThisDayForward]
2chiquitos Offline

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1133
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
That's a great question!! Is there a reason why you're asking?? Do you see any signs??

Hope you're doing well today smile
M 41 H 38
T8 (-2yrs separation)
S7 D4
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling since 6/2013

#2234780 - 04/02/12 01:33 AM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: 2chiquitos]
~ kd ~ Offline

Registered: 03/20/11
Posts: 4866
Loc: Canoe'k-land

IMHO, there is only one sign that you will be looking for...

When the WAS states directly to the LBS, "I would like to save our M"... (or something VERY similar)...

Of all that I have read on this board and elsewhere... WAS will not say that unless and until they actually mean it...

otherwise, they avoid that conversation or they will say things like they are willing to go to counselling, but they don't think it will help, or similar avoidance...

#2234801 - 04/02/12 03:35 AM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: ~ kd ~]
ThisDayForward Offline

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Thx KD.

Interesting weekend. Her weekend remember. I am sort of proud of myself a little.

Friday W starts to get sick. Flu and cold from kids being sick.

Saturday. I pick son up for T-Ball. I return him after. She asks me to take kids to fair. I agree (for kids sake only). I return them. She says "what are you upto later" her fishing for help. I said I have a friend coming in to play guitar with me. I didn't offer help or give her help. She txt me late Sat night (10ish) about dog's health turning for the bad.

Sunday. I check in late morning right before my T time on dog. She hints for me to come over by saying "you can come entertain these kids if you want" I said maybe later in afternoon I'm out and about" Did not tell her what I was doing. She practically invites me over to eat dinner with her around 630 pm. I accept the invite and help her with kids. But did not help her Fri, Sat, and Sunday until almost 7 pm. Heck what a deal. No kids all weekend. acoustic guitar jam, night out for drinks, round of golf and top the weekend off with home cooking :-)

Here is some comedy. MIL calls me. She missed talking to me LOL. I stop pursuing her and I get pursued. She needs help with something in her house. She also told me my W talked to one of her good friends that told her how bad D sucked and that her two kids have been in therapy for over a year now. W attitude slightly changed toward me this weekend ironically. This is why I asked about signs to look for about R.

Get this. I don't want to move home right now. Not without some serious changes on both ends.

That is all for tonight.Thx all

#2234809 - 04/02/12 04:20 AM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: ThisDayForward]
2thepoint Offline

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1701
Hamster - forget about any thoughts of reconciling for now. Continue to pull back from your W and your MIL. You are getting terrific clues to how successful that can be. Pull back with a genuine smile on your face and you will see how much better you feel and if there is anything left in your W's heart, she will start to reach out.
Me49 W52 S16 S12
M21 T24
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

#2234843 - 04/02/12 12:44 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: 2thepoint]
ThisDayForward Offline

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Part 7 here:


hope to be downgraded from Hamster to maybe gerbil soon

#2234853 - 04/02/12 02:27 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part 6 [Re: ThisDayForward]
labug Offline

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9672
Loc: Sonoran Desert
LOL, I like that you've kept your sense of humor.

How fast is the wheel spinning today?
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss

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