"I also feel it angers her I won't just accept divorce."

Who cares? After all, it angers you that she accepts divorce.

Follow Mach's advice and stop trying to guess what your W's doing. Have her wonder what YOU're doing.

Let me offer an alternative...

Rather than having your goal be trying to get rid of the above negative aspects of yourself...

How about having your gaol be behaving in the opposite, positive aspects of yourself than the above...

ie. calmness, tolerance, pleasure/happiness might be the focus...

IOW, continuing to think about yourself with negative traits, start thinking about yourself with better, positive traits...

And also, those traits, (both your original, and) the new ones, are vague...

HOW and in what situations would you be:

Calm
Tolerant
Pleasant/Happy

Instead of focusing on what to move away from (which hasn't been working for you, in the same way as focusing on detaching and moving away from your W hasn't been working for you), focus on moving TOWARDS those positive things...

Think about and focus on moving forward with your life rather than away from your W... You may not want to... it really, really seems that you don't want to let go of your pain... in the same token... if you have ever lost someone close to you to death... there is the option to get stuck in the pain of the loss and not move forward...

or...

you can remember the good times, knowing that that person is no longer going to be with you, and you take positive steps for yourself to begin your journey...

as 25 says...

FROM THIS DAY, FORWARD...

I'm confused. Is your counselling focusing on your past issues right now? Or am I misunderstanding something?



Tell her calmly and matter of factly, that you need some time to gather your thoughts about it. Then give her a timeframe (a couple of days, two weeks, whatever amount of time) that's reasonable that you think you'll need to be ready to discuss this.

Thx on road will respond in more detail.
Mr. B my w could give 2 sh*ts what I do. Dude she begged me to date other women.

Dori my counselor is working on my deep rooted childhood issues which he believes will help me with my current anxiety. My control and anxiety are tied to these abusive childhood upbringings.

So your saying act as if she is gone and move on and work on me and if she decides to come around then good if not ok

Kd thx will digest and respond.

I just have trouble with the lawyer and mediation txt and what to say.
She seems to have this whole thing mapped out

Net,

I feel for you and I think we all really do. I thought I was making progress with my W and today when she comes home she is Zombie W. A complete 180 from what she has been acting.

Was I dissapointed, yes I was. But I continue with my 180's and act like nothing she is doing will bother me. Have a big smile on my face when she is around.

I avoided her today as best I can. Maybe you should try a different approach.

SIW

Sad but your at home I am not . Little interaction and my wife begs me for a divorce every. 3 weeks

"Mr. B my w could give 2 sh*ts what I do."

That's fine. You should be doing the same.

"Dude she begged me to date other women."

So do almost every other WAS. It alleviates their guilt. Again, I echo what everyone else is telling you. What do YOU want? How do you want to live YOUR life if she's not around? You're still so W focussed you're losing you.

Your anger is fixated on her. Release that and you'll find your anxiety going.

I just spent hours reading all of your posts. I'm new at this myself. I'm no vet, and they are really skilled and wise, but from my viewpoint, I think you are doing a good job. Just my 2 cents. You seem to be working hard at a most difficult task.

Net, how're things today?

I think if might be helpful for you to read some other threads on here. Broaden your World of the LBS view. Get some tips, maybe.

Hi LA. Going to counseling in a few minutes. My W txt me that she had a bad night with the kids. Sick etc. I asked her what I could do to help and left it at that.

I have a friend coming in this weekend to keep me busy.

My weekend goal is not to call my MIL once. I know I can do it.

I'm going to dig around and see what I can find on here.

I'm trying to not focus on my sit or W going forward. If I get served I get served.

It is not easy but I think her getting a L and wanting a mediator just helped me let her go